Quetz'l thoughts

so
i've told you that i don't really understand how i got involved with Q'z'l
and that's true
the coin i found
was just some coin bill probably gave me from mexico
and
i didn't know that coin had any relation
or indeed that i had the coin until when i did the research
and when i found it, respectively

when i first started thinking about
what was my totem animal
my first thought
oh it's some kind of dragon
which i then admonished
no
a dragon is not a totem animal
it is a fantasy creature
this is like a native american thing
which is when i came up with bear
because they hibernate
and i had always had this thing with sleeping

like
hard to wake up
like i went to far away and had trouble getting back
that was my thinking

but
i don't think that's what people usually mean by bear

and
today i did some searches
and i can't believe i never tried this before

Quetzalcoatl Shamanism
and
there's stuff
a lot of stuff
i haven't waded through all of it yet
i had dinner with my mom

so
maybe
he picked me a long time ago
and maybe that's tied in with everything
somehow