signs from god

i've been asking for signs
but
for a while now
I've been kinda depressed
and
stressed
so I'm feeling like I'm floating in space
not
connected to god and the energy and everything
so
a few weeks ago
before work became a hell
I asked for a sign
and my shoes squeaked all day
I couldn't figure out why
that had to be the sign
but
I have no idea what that means
so I asked again
could you maybe clarify that
I don't understand
the question had been
help me see
what i should do next
job-wise
am I supposed to be a fucking cobbler
I don't get it
so
the second day
I walked through a puddle
and my shoes squeaked for about 30 minutes
I'm still confused
idk


today
today I asked
show me something I need to see
and
on the way to work
which is only like a ten minute drive on a Saturday, so, like, no small feat
and
almost immediately
emergency vehicles
like everywhere
ambulances, fire trucks, I'm not sure what all
so
I'm like
ok
emergency
but
again
that isn't very specific
but
then I thought
maybe you are in trouble
maybe something is wrong
I've been pretty caught up in my unhappiness
and i haven't had much to offer you
so
I'm sorry


without knowing what's wrong
here's what I've got
I love you
you are beautiful
and i wouldn't change you in any way
I wish I knew what was going on
but
I'm having conversations with my supervisors
that I can't remember
but
it ended with him saying
stop saying whatever
and me saying why
whatever is my favorite word
and the other supervisor saying
it was my favorite word when I was in seventh grade
it's disrespectful
so
maybe I'm in a crisis
maybe the emergency is for me
I don't know


but baby
I'm doing the best that I can