i'm having trouble

I'm sort of enraged
one of the vendors didn't show up
that's not why
I think there may be something wrong with me
and
when I was trying to figure out
which Saturday was the Saturday
before thanksgiving
I realized
that Saturday
is NEXT Saturday
I want
I want drinks in fruits with tiny umbrellas
I want foot massage
I want presents
lots and lots of them
I want sex that makes me scream
and a source of income that does not
I want fish
cooked in giant banana leaves
and pineapple charred on a grill
I want to lie naked in a tanning bed
the blue lights raising my mood
without burning
I think I got up to eight
or maybe ten minutes
when I did it before
it's not that I want to tan
I want to stay pale
it just feels good


I want new clothes
new perfume


I want to feel good when I wake up in the morning
I want
I want
I want