so, catching you up

tuesday
i think it was tuesday
that would be the 16th
started happy happy blood time
and it really was

i think that last premenstrual thing was
maybe the worst i've had in a while
and maybe
it was sadder because of my step dad
i don't know

but tuesday
i was walking to the bus stop
and i had to stop in the esplanade
because the sunrise took my breath away

i was just lost in it

i've seen a lot of sunrises
but, i mean this one
the sky looked like an ocean and the clouds were
these pinky golden rippling waves
radiating outward from
the whatever-it's-called-now philip johnson tower
jutting upward ever upward
you could have stopped time

and that's when i thought:
god damn
it's like super duper anti depressant happy happy blood

but now it's all done
and
well, actually it was over yesterday morning
they're so much more manageable now

and
i bought that cleanser
the expensive one
which i can't really afford
and i love it

but
i've been a little mood-swing
not so you'd notice
but i'm telling myself
things that i don't want to hear

and then i'm blissing out on how much more
fulfilled i am for learning to love unconditionally

and then i'm making arguments for
whether i'm a real adult or not

so either i'm all self-actualized or i'm a fuck up
and i can make the case either way