and i wanted to make sure you understood me
i don't mean that i think i have nothing to contribute
to people or the world or whatever
i just don't think i have a speaking tour topic
i mean
yeah sure
i could find something to talk about
but a really good speaker has something that they've done
or that's happened to them
that has a universal or epic quality
otherwise
it's teaching
not lecture circuit
[that's just my opinion]
one of the things that drives me crazy about my mother
is that she's so means to an end oriented
when we went to the chinati foundation
she came away from that
and her take away was: how can i get a big grant
to display my beautiful artwork
it makes me cringe
she never does anything just for itself
maybe this doesn't make any sense to you
my problem
[well, one of them]
has always been that i want to do it for love
and all that money stuff
and the people who don't get it feeling like they
have some right to tell you
as though they could do it themselves
had any understanding
or asking me to explain what category of thing this is
like they'd even understand my explanation
like they need to know what they're looking at before they see it
can't they just experience it
that stuff always kinda ruined it for me
if i could just produce it
and not have to do the other part
or know about it even
probably i'd be fine
but
for her
she only does it to sell it
it's not about her, a part of her
i don't get her
she doesn't get me
i really don't want to take this class with her
i meant to call her tonight
because i think it's a thursday night thing
but i didn't
i was talking to my new friend at work
her mom went off and left her with her dad too
so we were swapping "walk it off" war stories
but she so has me beat
he dad tried to tell her she just needed a band aid
but the school nurse had seen it, made him take her to the doctor
she had to get 38 stiches
i was talking to 30-year-old-sushi-guy
and he was saying that i didn't seem all that broken up about my stepdad
and i was all like:
look, he was a good guy, i loved him
but we don't have any baggage
and he's like:
so he didn't raise you at all
and i'm like:
no, my mom didn't hook up with him until i was 13
and he's like:
and you were already raised by then
and i'm like:
yeah, pretty much
truthfully
i was kinda surprised that it was my mom he was interested in
and he just treated me like a child
because
that wasn't the experience i was used to
but i said something like that to him
and he looked all creeped out
and
he had a stepdaughter who is like 11 or just turned 12
and he introduces her as "my daughter"
when he first did that
really before they were even married
i expressed surprise:
she's ok with that
[not in front of her obviously]
but he just couldn't seem to understand
when i tried to explain to him:
she has a dad
i would have been super offended
she's all good? ya'll have talked about it
so this 12 year old was at the wedding
all make-upped and heeled
hair dyed dark
and looking like 16
and
i honestly don't think he gets it
cut marks on her wrist too
pointed out by another of my friends
who i sat next to
and i'm all like:
they don't look bad
what, you never cut yourself?
