love you

i want things
and i wonder
what would it be like to live with you
what kind of a daily rhythm would we have
would i spend all the time i spend writing to you
doing something else
writing something else
would i spoil you
and then wear down and not want to do all those things anymore

and what about
the one
the one that makes me think
i should just stay away because
i would never want to hurt her

could he balance all that

because i'm prepared to be hated
any scenario
in which i get my dreams
automatically means i will be a bad guy
and i guess
it kinda still surprises me
that i want you that bad
and i guess
i worry


i'm expecting happy happy blood like right now actually
so i'm worried a little bit more
than normal


i don't worry that you love me, though
i feel that
all the way from there to here
and
it never went away this time
which makes me happy
but also
a little sad
inexplicably