today

i went to breakfast with my mom

it kind of depressed me

so then
i had a slightly crazy episode
i
do not want to be depressed
and
i decided
that what i had to do
was find a happy scent
something that smells like the beach

i wanted a diffuser
i would have settled for a candle
but
all the "sea" scents
aren't really
they don't smell salty
or seaweedy
[i'd never say fishy]
they always have this very
artificial "marine" smell
that i've learned from experience
i cannot stand

i came close
with:
http://www.candleluxury.com/aquiesse-santa-barbara-candle.html
and
http://www.candleluxury.com/aquiesse-costa-rica-candle.html
[which though it's not ocean is very wet and green and jungle-y]
and
maybe if they'd had this one:
http://www.candleluxury.com/aquiesse-shoreline-diffuser.html
maybe it would have been perfect


a smell can make me happy
it can
and i was feeling like
like it's never gonna happen
like my life is a trap

but
i failed at the scent mission
so
i made myself feel better
another way

i once lost 30 in 3 weeks
having protein shakes every 3 hours
so, i bought the closest thing i could find
to what i remember of the formula
and
i'm doing that for a few weeks
big salad for dinner

we'll see how it goes

i looked at this website: my body gallery
that shows you real people of whatever size
and for some reason
i like this one:
http://www.mybodygallery.com/photos-20168-body-shape.htm#img
but
she weighs 124 pounds
*sigh*

i love you