yes

gold



i've been thinking today
about
several things

my premonition of doom
which i just looked up
november 4
seems
to have been pretty accurate
because of my dad's death
and such
and the months
of depression
which followed

and
i didn't say
but i had been put on final written warning
[no verbal or prior written]
on a really unfair technicality
fairly soon before
and then
the guy who had to write me up
kinda wanted me to talk him down from it
because it was so upsetting to have to write me up

so it might have just been that

and that's all worked out fine now


and
your body language
it tells me stuff
but
maybe
maybe it's my imagination
or maybe it is a bad sign
if i look at the situations where it says: beaten, pwned, subservient

just sayin
worries me


also
i was thinking
i'm pretty sure i've gained some weight
during this time that i haven't been able to
make myself quite believe there was really any point in caring

my clothes still fit
but i feel fatter to me

but even through all that
i never smoked one cigarette, not one

and
today for lunch
rather than getting waffle fries and a side salad
i brought
2 grapefruits
2 mangoes [very small]
a peach [also small]
and an avocado

for breakfast and lunch

and i had a large salad with shrimp
for dinner
[which is what i have at least half the time]


and
some other stuff