hey

people keep mentioning my vocabulary

i don't think
that
my vocabulary is so
out there, or whatever
and
i mentioned it to my mom

she was all like:

don't you remember
when you were in high school
you were reading through college catalogs
and
when you read the bennington catalog
you wanted to go there
because
they used a word you didn't know
and
i knew what it meant
and
i could see myself go up
in your estimation

i could see it


and this
along with some other stuff
it makes me a little sad

i think
i somehow make people feel
like they aren't living up to some
i don't know, standard

maybe
maybe i'm all judge-y and whatnot
maybe i make people feel bad about themselves

but
then
why don't they dislike me
and try to steer clear of me

i'm still trying to figure out
what it is
that is so different about me
that makes me
so scary
or
intimidating
or
stultifying
or whatever