putting pillows on chairs and talking to david wolfe

i was some kind of decorator
at a furniture store
and i was
matching
pillows
to
chairs
only i wasn't doing it normally
where the pillow goes against the back of the chair
no
i was
placing the pillow on the seat of the chairs
they were hard wooden straight backed chairs
so
that made a certain amount of sense
but the pillows
were
beaded
feathered
extravagant
somewhat millinery
wonders

and
there is some element
missing
something i can't remember
i really didn't want to get up today
and i kept going back to sleep
and
as i would fall back asleep
i kept saying your name to myself
and trying to see
what the letters looked like
i have gotten some interesting images before
using this kinda psychic exercise
the most recent
(about a week ago give or take)
fragments of rainbow lights
shooting off in every direction
like fireworks
but
this morning
i got rock
viscerally hard and a bit craggy
and i wasn't sure
what to make of that
what's the salient factor there
rock
hardness
mountain-y-ness maybe, maybe not
maybe
maybe it's good to go with associations here
although, i'm not at all certain of that, but
but it reminded me of driving through oregon
where there are walls of rock on either side of the highway
i've seen plenty of rock face
in different places
but
today
the rock that was your name reminded me of oregon
but i don't know what that means, really

and i've been a little agitated

maybe you don't get me

then
nobody gets me
and i suddenly want to cry
am crying
in fact

shit

anyway
back to the dream
i was talking to david wolfe
he was saying he doesn't like buddhists
or that they don't like his philosophy
or something
because he doesn't eat fish
this didn't even make sense to me in the dream

i said:
i don't think that there is anything in buddhism
that mandates the eating of fish
and i have good feeling towards buddhists in general
i wouldn't say that i am one
or that my conception of the universe is buddhist
(although i did remember saying that about one big energy/soul
and i think that's kinda like nirvana
when you lose your individual-ness and become one
which used to seem horrifying when i was younger)

i said:
i think
my philosophy
is more in line with taoism, as i understand taoism
that there is one energy in everything
and you can go with that energy
or you can fight against that energy
and the one will lead to greater ease and happiness
and the other will lead to greater struggle and pain
buddhism is more about control of the self
tao is more about learning to just be

(zen buddhism
was heavily influenced
by taoism)

what does it mean that i'm talking to david wolfe
at all
much less about life philosophy

i just did that exercise again
and now your name is
a series
of
martial arts weapons in movement
so this is either
completely useless
or
related
in
some way
i
just
can't see yet

my dreams
and
this
here
now
i mean

and
i just had a random thought
jeff bridges
was starman