my day today...thoughts

i went to the museum
i don't do that enough
but, really
i spent the whole day in my head
which maybe i should say i do too much, but
i'm not gonna say that, because
that's who i am
and really
i like it

i like my hair pulled back
i like no make up
i like all black
and
i like being immersed in a semi-meditative state

i like being at the museum
or wherever
alone
sometimes i think i'd like someone else there
but
if i have someone else there
then it becomes about talking to them
going where they want to go
which is fine
but
it isn't meditative
or relaxing
or
doing whatever it is that i do

what is it that i do
i'm sort of asking, really
i do it naturally
have done it since i was a kid
i'm tempted to say it's a writer thing, but
that may not be right
i absorb
in a way that i don't think most people do
it's kind of an altered state

i walked through a light installation
and a little boy with his grandfather coming towards me:
blue blue blue blue
i smiled at him and nodded:
yes

that was perfect

i saw this film/video installation called city glow
by chiho aoshima
who was compared to murakami on the wall plaque
(often i don't read them but today i did)
for her use of the kawaii [cuteness] aesthetic
and
she used it well
and jarringly for the graveyard scene

i had coffee and *gasp* a pastry in the cafe
i thought about how part of the new wing reminds me of the met
and the last time i was there
and how detached i am from some of the people i should love
and yet how unreasonably attached i am to you
how you're with me
how
now
i don't just absorb for myself alone

i tried to decide if my writing has changed
because of or through communication with you
and i think yes
i've found my voice
and you need to read it
[i think i'm right there-- got you hooked]
i wish i could describe what that does for me
i can't
but
i don't think you need me to


i am saying: i thought about too much
sorry, not really editing
who am i kidding
i almost never edit these

i went to the gift shop
i imagined buying a buddha board for my kid, perfect
and the kid's art books are great
then i wondered:
would i be orienting for art
or would it be whatever my thing is
that i still don't know
the way i see the world
my world view
it's different

and
i bought a book
as soon as i saw it
i knew there was no way i was talking myself out of it


http://www.taschen.com/pages/en/catalogue/art/all/06703/facts.the_book_of_symbols_reflections_on_archetypal_images.htm

this is what i do
sort of
there were many books i wanted
some objects
but
the book of symbols
that was what i couldn't leave behind