random stuff

i dreamed
a bunch of stuff that i can't quite remember
there was one section
it had something to do with christmas
and i thought:
i've got to remember to tell him that
but then i can't remember

i do remember
i was in my aunt's apartment
it was all stripped
furniture gone
ready to be painted
and
i totally wanted to move in
it seemed so much bigger
empty
but then
it wasn't empty
there was a built-in cabinet along one wall
and a false wall
with a media unit behind it
and a display case
for
spears

i thought that was a little odd

and i've been thinking lately
how different i am
probably
from most women

but i thought
(when i looked in my closet the other day)
of what i consider to be a really good analogy

now
it might be normal
or it might not
to still have your prom dress
we'll say, more than twenty years later
but i still have parts of what i wore
but it wasn't a dress
and it was all ethnographic
the black slacks and shell are long gone
but they could be roughly approximated with, oh say
almost everything in my closet
so no big loss
the necklaces and jacket i could wear now
and you wouldn't think they looked unlike me
[except the jacket doesn't fit yet and needs new elastic at the wrists]
the necklaces are
a three strand rope turquoise serpentine trade beads
and a predominantly orange multi-strand that i keep on my shelf
it was sold to me as naga headhunter
but i've never really verified that

i would show you a picture of me
but
i had had some trauma (or something) before hand
that led to the cutting off all my hair
right before prom
and i look terrible with short hair
so
to me
the picture doesn't look like me at all

and
i only went to prom
because
all the grown people i had ever met who didn't go
really really thought: if only i had gone...
so i went
to avoid that crap

i didn't enjoy my prom at all

but
i really look forward to fitting into that jacket again
because i like it even more today
than i did when i found all those years ago

i can't remember exactly where it's supposed to come from
southeast asia i'm pretty sure
it was part of a ceremonial costume
they made and wore for one year
and then they made a new one for the next year
and traders bought it from them

i could have bought a really really nice dress
for what i spent
but i've not saved any dress i ever bought

i think i made the right choice