And I really didn't want to tell you what I was doing today because I feel like it gives details that I don't really want to give but you know what the hell
At work I liked it okay while I could sell and increase comp and stuff like that but if Susan's as soon as Susan came that kind of went out the window
And she thought I was a worthless piece of s*** and etc
And when Dennis took over I mean the thinking I'm worthless piece of s*** thing stopped but the being able to actually do my job didn't come back Dennis never really understood what I did before and by the time the business was so badly damaged he really didn't see my position it's very valuable at all I don't think so work was bad
And I'm prone to depression anyway
So remember when I turn 50 and I decided I wasn't going to wear black anymore and I bought clothes and was trying them out and trying to figure out what I liked and what I didn't like well then I suddenly had a lot of clothes that I wasn't ever wearing and I'm not necessarily having ever necessarily been the kind of person who goes through and you know once a week or once every two weeks or however long make sure that all their clothes are clean I'm more of a oh I don't have anything to wear I need to do some laundry and gather up a load of laundry
I'm not really monitoring this very carefully so if there are typos please don't hold them against me
So what ended up happening is there was a big pile of black clothes that was in a bag shopped in the closet and some of those got thrown away because I don't know how long the closet was wet and they were musty and I figured you know they're not things I've been wearing so why go to a lot of trouble to wash things multiple times with vinegar etc to try to get them on musty right
But you know there was still two loads of black clothes to wash because not everything got ruined and
Then with the rest of the clothes a lot of the clothes that I was trying out that I was buying it you know basically online thrift a lot of them didn't really work for me so when I would go through and look through the clothes for my one load I was going to do they were progressively more and more clothes that didn't make it in that load so essentially over the last few years there's been a growing mountain of clothes in the bedroom on the floor that we're not ever getting washed
And as I was clearing things out yesterday I was separating them into piles block clothes was two big loads bread and purple and rust and orange and corally pink was one giant load that I had to shove things in and there were two jackets that I'm still going to have to wash then I have two hoodies that I also couldn't fit in I think it's my Durham bulls and my rumble cusp that I hadn't been able to find all winter and then I had another load that was blue and green and brown and a few other kind of multicolored miscellaneous things
And then I had a load of light clothes that are all clothes I've been wearing so those are all good
And these aren't all the clothes there are more clothes because there are some clothes hampers downstairs but I'm not working on downstairs yet I'm just working on the bedroom
So I washed them and I dried them and I sorted them and I put them away and then I also loaded up a bunch to take to charity now I thought long and hard about this because you know it's a lot of pieces of clothing and so I mean if I got $5 each for them it would be a fair amount of money but the thing is is that I've kind of assessed that market and you know I probably could get $5 each for them or for most of them The ones that don't actively have stains or you know whatever but it would take me a tremendous amount of time to sell them because they're not you know items that are in high demand so I'd have to put them up some place I don't have to monitor it and I'd have to anytime anybody liked anything I'd have to send them a note and say hey you know I'll give you a great deal blah blah and then you know I'd sell one little $5 item and I'd have to pack it up and get it to the post office right away so that you know make the shipping goals and that's all kind of meh
I could do it not particularly enthusiastic about doing it I'm not sure it's the best use of my time but the real clincher for why I'm not going to do that is then I would have to keep them all and find a place to put them and organize them and go through them and put some kind of code numbers on and package them up and I want them gone I don't want to have my house full of an inventory of crap I don't want to feel like a hoarder you know now I don't have little trails around the house that you can only get through in a little bitty trail like my mom used to and when I went to live with her I had been used to Debra making me clean the house at least every weekend and it was a small apartment and we didn't have a lot of stuff so you know wasn't that big of a deal but I had my own room and I was required to keep it clean and then I was also required to clean the rest of the house but I was only required to clean the rest of the house once a week but my room was required to be clean at any given inspection so I was used to keeping things clean you know no clutter know anything anywhere and then when I went to live with my mom sure I've told you this before she if you had an empty space in your room she would come and put stuff in it so basically the only way you could claim your territory was by spreading things out and filling it up and that was not a good development for me I mean my father he likes to move every 6 months because he wanted to make sure he didn't keep any crap and I don't know if that had to do with my mother or not but he didn't want things and when he got him he would usually tinker with him enough that he would destroy him and have to get rid of him and we had you know we'd have a lot of stuff
So you know I don't have the kind of little lines where you're you know going through little mazes to get through the house I don't I don't have that but you know I'm looking at my table that I sit at and every single inch of it is covered with you know skincare and pins and paint brushes and male and makeup and it's just you know all the things I regularly use are on this table because I just sit here at the computer all the time my vitamins and had that big mountain of clothes and the bedroom and I kept more than of them then I intended to I kept more of them than I really think I should have so I went through the drawers that I was putting things in and I pulled out everything that I don't wear pretty much all of those clear water oh cold water creek cold water creek silk shirts I'm only keeping I'm only keeping the yellow kind of gold any ones cuz those I actually sometimes wear maybe I'm only keeping one of those I don't know they pull up my neck I don't like them so pretty much I went through and pulled out things that are like this color doesn't look good on me you know it's a comfortable style but the color doesn't look good on me things where I might put them on and then go I don't want to wear that and take it off and put something else on I just took those out but I still think the number of clothes that I kept is more than I should have but I mean we'll see I'm going to make some sort of a I mean I have to go through my drawers and organize them and what not cuz things are just kind of shoved in there now and I like to have them like you know top drawer bras on one side underwear on the other side second drawer shirts third drawer skirts for their pants and and it's not like that now plus then I have some drawers that have other things that aren't close in them and I need to figure out where they should go because that's stupid
I have four boxes of photographs bankers boxes
That's too many photographs
Now some of them are in photo albums
And some of them are in frames
And some of them are in like envelopy things
So I mean if you just flat pack them all maybe it's not really four boxes but it's too many photographs
And I'm not going to be able to throw away photographs
I know myself and that's just something I'm not going to be able to do so I decided that the angle I was going to go with this from was what is a reasonable amount of photographs
And I guess you could say some number of photo albums but I'm not necessarily going to put things in photo albums anytime soon so and I don't want to make a big project for myself to keep me from finishing what I'm doing
So what I did was I went on eBay and on Etsy and I looked around and I found two suitcases vintage suitcases cute vintage suitcases One of them is a small case that's a Montreal traveler or something like that it's blue it's from the '60s it's really cute and the other one is a like a train case kind of case that's a different brand but also not like Samsonite or something I don't remember what brand it is railway maybe or something it's also blue they look to be the same color blue but it's hard to tell on monitors they might be slightly different but they're pretty close and the handles are shaped exactly the same the roundness of them is exactly the same even though they're not the same brand if you were covering up the labels you would think they were
The train case is from a guy and he just started his shop He's got a small but really beautiful curated collection of very attractive '60s luggage I think it's all sixties and he's made like one sale and you know what most of the people do is they jack up the postage you know they're not just charging you for what the actual postage is to your location they're putting in quote shipping and handling end quote eBay does that a lot too and it's you know so that they can have their item be a little cheaper price and maybe you aren't looking at how much the shipping is right
But this guy he's had one sale and this train case he's only charging me $3 for postage and the case is n't I mean it's not super cheap but it's cheaper than most people charge for a sixties suitcase now someone went to town on the inside of the suitcase and like put cats like cut out pictures collage pictures of cats and it says I love you and I may cover it up because it's a little bit intense but since I'm not using it for luggage I don't really need all the you know little pockets on the side and whatever so I figure I'm getting a better deal because it's not really that serviceable as well I mean it works but you know what I'm saying but $3 for shipping is too low You can't ship a package for $3
So he's going to lose some of his profit on that but I mean he's made a sale so he shipped something so whatever but
But I sent him a message to ask him what size it was because I wanted to kind of know how the two pieces were going to look together and so I need to know how you know how big they are and so I'm like hey you know what are the dimensions on the back
And he sends me back a message that's like you know the size of the bag is included in the description but if you need me to make it clearer for you I can
And I'm like okay
And I'm like well maybe the photographs had some sort of a visual reference that I missed you know I mean I'm pretty sure it didn't have a tape measure but maybe there was something that had a size on it and he thinks I'm supposed to extrapolate from that so I went and looked at him again there's nothing there's no frame of reference at all You know they're on a white piece of board that is slightly larger than the item but it's not like a piece of board that's recognizable as something that I might know what it is and be able to say oh well that's this big but even so that would only give me an idea right
And the written description doesn't say either so I like cut and paste the written description and I'm like your written description says this and I paste it in I'm like and the photographs don't have any sort of measuring device so I'm unclear on how I'm supposed to see the size I'm not trying to be difficult I just want to know what the size is
So he sends me back a thing He's like no worries and he just tells me and it's like well why didn't he just tell me the last time instead of telling me I was a dumbass for not knowing right so I don't think he's had a lot of interactions with people on email regarding his products cuz you know generally generally if somebody said that to me I would not buy the item from them but I just particularly wanted this item for a particular reason and I was like okay well he's just starting out he doesn't know I don't know but I don't know what he was thinking how was I supposed to know how big that was anyway
so I'm buying these two suitcases two small suitcases a train case and a small suitcase that's a little more north south than east west and that's how many photographs I can have
Now I don't know what I'm going to do with the other ones
Probably they're duplicates because when everybody died they all I got on the photographs of me right I was the first grandchild and everybody took pictures of me
But then nobody else wanted any pictures of me so they gave them all to me
So it might be that my mom will have to have an album of duplicate pictures of me
Or I might use them in art projects somehow I don't know but that's how many photographs I can have
And as far as I could tell for the most part I have pretty much all the jewelry that I have acquired since I was maybe 13 or 14
Now some of it I've given away
And some of it has gotten broken or messed up
And some of it has gotten lost
But I've never like gathered up jewelry and taking it to donate
I used to do that with clothes pretty frequently
well I don't know what pretty frequently but like every few years at least every two or three years I would go through everything and pull out things that you know didn't fit me anymore I didn't like or whatever and I would donate it
But I don't believe I've ever done that with jewelry
And I've got way too much well probably some of it when when there was the fire probably some of it got donated cuz I don't think have absolutely every piece of costume jewelry some of it may have gotten thrown away I don't have I don't have a lot of stuff from the '80s and I had a lot of earrings so I'm exaggerating I don't have every piece of jewelry that I've ever had
But I have three large jewelry boxes
And multiple little like tin boxes or whatever
And since the jewelry oh
In addition to all that stuff I just said the large jewelry boxes I also have this Victorian jewelry box thing or at least that's what they told me it was I'm dubious That's got like four or five large drawers that's full of stuff
And I think a lot of the jewelry if I'm not going to keep it I think a lot of it I could sell
Maybe not for huge amounts of money but it doesn't take up lots and lots of space
Also I don't like any of the jewelry boxes
I mean I like them when I bought them
They're pretty enough but they're not very functional
Oh I also have I forgot I also have a Disney Fantasia jewelry box that I got from the Disney store in the galleria that plays the what is what is the Hall of the mountain Kings is that the one where he's chopping up the broomsticks or mop mop s whatever anyway and even though you would think I love that I don't really care for that either so I have to figure out some other sort of way to contain the jewelry that I'm going to keep
And I've been trying to think about how to make a place for things I don't seem to have good places for things here The last place I lived when I moved in I spent a lot of time getting it all set up so that everything had a place and it looked really good and I loved that place
I don't love this place I've never loved this place it's okay
I had a bookshelf in my bedroom that I had stuff on and I had had it at the previous place and it never gave me any problem there but for some reason here it's kind of a folding bookcase where you set up this like and see sawing frame sawing that's not
It has flat panels there hinge together You open them up you set them up space to certain amount parts then you take flat boards and you put them in and they're a little pegs that hold it it's not the world's most beautiful bookcase I have some really beautiful bookcases that have gotten kind of banged up as I've moved so they're not as beautiful anymore that came from West elm that I assembled myself that I was super proud of and I've got those on either side of the bed and they've got some stuff on it but they've gotten kind of junked up so they need to be you know have everything taken off and although right now I've got paintings on top of them I don't know where the paintings are going to go if that big closet is not safe then I I just don't know
I really don't want paintings leaning all over the place like they are right now
But anyway that bookcase it's it started leaning and then one day I was looking at it I'm like Jesus had to take everything off of it and fold up the bookcase because it was going to fall over
And then stuff that was on it just kind of got put wherever
I've got stacks of books against one wall
So it's pretty much like you know I didn't give a s*** and it's obvious and there aren't good places for things and so their stuff just randomly stacked on things there's plenty open floor space but all the surfaces are covered which is not how I like it
At the last place I had everything like the books were sorted by color and you know the ones that had pretty covers were faced out and I had you know all my little objects scattered it was like you know just waiting to be the background of a zoom call or something
So but I've lived here like nine and a half years
So anyway there's a way in which I'm trying not to let this be demoralizing
Because it could very easily become demoralizing
And that's part of the reason why today I just got the laundry done and then I've spent a lot of time kind of strategizing I was expecting the guy to come fix the ceiling he said on Friday somebody he put in a work order and somebody was going to come Monday or Tuesday and didn't really expect him to come today but if they don't come tomorrow then I'm not really sure what to do because I think my mother is going to expect me to go to the studio on Wednesday and I think she'll feel like I'm jerking if I'm not
Cuz I didn't go last Wednesday because I had the migraine and then I didn't go Friday because of the crisis
And then I was telling her you know that I wasn't going to come today because the guy was supposed to come work on the roof or I mean on the ceiling or maybe he wouldn't but I didn't really want him just wandering around in the apartment you know with nobody here I don't like that
But then if he hasn't come by tomorrow do I assume that the work order wasn't in because you know they've had to fix the ceiling five or six other times maybe more than that this place is kind of a s*******
And one time literally they just forgot to come back and fix it and it was a big hole in the ceiling for months
Which I guess is kind of my fault because I should have gone and said something to them but and maybe it wasn't months maybe it was weeks I don't know but it was a long time it wasn't like a few days
Just like a big one foot by 2 ft hole in the kitchen ceiling
Anyway so that's what's up with me
Love you very much 💋
