well

clearly

my problem was worse

than i gave myself credit for

although

i am getting myself distracted a little

with thinking about decorating

i'm not actually decorating yet

i've got a problem with stuff

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

 well

i out 70s'd her

for the other end of the room

(it's a pretty good sized room)

i got some yellow shelves prettymuchlike these 

no actually

these are they

but I think I'm gonna configure them

as two shorter side by side

so it fills up almost the whole 5.5' wall

we had these shelves in white

back in the actual 70s

It's raining again

And my head hurts so bad

And looking through all of my paintings by myself or other people this is the painting I'm going to build my front wall around

And as much as possible

I'm going to use yellow

I don't have a lot of yellow stuff so we'll see how that goes

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Cholla painted this

of me

on a trip we took as a group

to Rockport

quickly

after I'd been bugging her to paint me

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

So it's been raining all day which is cool

And I moved this bookcase downstairs which was exhausting

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

This is important to me

Bill brought this back to me from Mexico

it is a reproduction of a pre Columbian

someone

I'm not sure who

and

I had him for years

and one day Bob knocked him over

I had him in the bathroom

so tile floor

and it was pretty bad

I wailed

and gnashed my teeth

and

the I pretended I was an archeologist

I used gloss medium

(though retrospectively

matte medium might have been better)

there were some pieces

that were pulverized enough

there's just a little gap

where the piece couldn't be recovered

I think I like him better now

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Gotta go to bed

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I found my Pee-wee Herman doll

Which I didn't watch it as a kid because I was already an adult when it came out but or maybe I wasn't an adult maybe I was a teenager cuz my brother watched it but I don't think he watched it as a little kid I think he watched it as a tween

But I just thought it was really funny whenever I saw the dollar originally so I got it it's like I don't know a foot tall 14-in tall something like that it's not in the box and it's you know dusty and whatnot but I did have it in a big wicker purse thing so it's not too dirty

I also found a perfume that I don't know if I bought it or if I got it free with buying something else or how I got it maybe it was in a sampler it's pretty small and I think it's it might be an eau de perfume or it might be an eau de toiletthat I don't know The writing on the little tiny bottle is so small that I'm lucky I got the name of it it's a pretty little bottle but I can't decide whether I like the way it smells or not it's princess Livia which apparently was a brand of cosmetics although I don't remember princess Livia

It's discontinued and people are trying to sell it on eBay I don't know if people are buying it

But I've got it on and I didn't I don't think I liked it originally but I'm kind of liking the dry down so that's kind of exciting

My head hurts super bad and my eyes itch probably from dust

Anyway I don't have anything else really exciting too say but I just thought I'd check in

They haven't come to fix the roof yet I mean ceiling so I suspect the work order didn't actually get put in

So I don't feel like I hid from you that I was depressed over the last few years not during the pandemic before that I feel like I was pretty clear about it but I didn't elaborate and give details

And I really didn't want to tell you what I was doing today because I feel like it gives details that I don't really want to give but you know what the hell

At work I liked it okay while I could sell and increase comp and stuff like that but if Susan's as soon as Susan came that kind of went out the window

And she thought I was a worthless piece of s*** and etc

And when Dennis took over I mean the thinking I'm worthless piece of s*** thing stopped but the being able to actually do my job didn't come back Dennis never really understood what I did before and by the time the business was so badly damaged he really didn't see my position it's very valuable at all I don't think so work was bad

And I'm prone to depression anyway

So remember when I turn 50 and I decided I wasn't going to wear black anymore and I bought clothes and was trying them out and trying to figure out what I liked and what I didn't like well then I suddenly had a lot of clothes that I wasn't ever wearing and I'm not necessarily having ever necessarily been the kind of person who goes through and you know once a week or once every two weeks or however long make sure that all their clothes are clean I'm more of a oh I don't have anything to wear I need to do some laundry and gather up a load of laundry

I'm not really monitoring this very carefully so if there are typos please don't hold them against me

So what ended up happening is there was a big pile of black clothes that was in a bag shopped in the closet and some of those got thrown away because I don't know how long the closet was wet and they were musty and I figured you know they're not things I've been wearing so why go to a lot of trouble to wash things multiple times with vinegar etc to try to get them on musty right

But you know there was still two loads of black clothes to wash because not everything got ruined and

Then with the rest of the clothes a lot of the clothes that I was trying out that I was buying it you know basically online thrift a lot of them didn't really work for me so when I would go through and look through the clothes for my one load I was going to do they were progressively more and more clothes that didn't make it in that load so essentially over the last few years there's been a growing mountain of clothes in the bedroom on the floor that we're not ever getting washed

And as I was clearing things out yesterday I was separating them into piles block clothes was two big loads bread and purple and rust and orange and corally pink was one giant load that I had to shove things in and there were two jackets that I'm still going to have to wash then I have two hoodies that I also couldn't fit in I think it's my Durham bulls and my rumble cusp that I hadn't been able to find all winter and then I had another load that was blue and green and brown and a few other kind of multicolored miscellaneous things

And then I had a load of light clothes that are all clothes I've been wearing so those are all good

And these aren't all the clothes there are more clothes because there are some clothes hampers downstairs but I'm not working on downstairs yet I'm just working on the bedroom

So I washed them and I dried them and I sorted them and I put them away and then I also loaded up a bunch to take to charity now I thought long and hard about this because you know it's a lot of pieces of clothing and so I mean if I got $5 each for them it would be a fair amount of money but the thing is is that I've kind of assessed that market and you know I probably could get $5 each for them or for most of them The ones that don't actively have stains or you know whatever but it would take me a tremendous amount of time to sell them because they're not you know items that are in high demand so I'd have to put them up some place I don't have to monitor it and I'd have to anytime anybody liked anything I'd have to send them a note and say hey you know I'll give you a great deal blah blah and then you know I'd sell one little $5 item and I'd have to pack it up and get it to the post office right away so that you know make the shipping goals and that's all kind of meh

I could do it not particularly enthusiastic about doing it I'm not sure it's the best use of my time but the real clincher for why I'm not going to do that is then I would have to keep them all and find a place to put them and organize them and go through them and put some kind of code numbers on and package them up and I want them gone I don't want to have my house full of an inventory of crap I don't want to feel like a hoarder you know now I don't have little trails around the house that you can only get through in a little bitty trail like my mom used to and when I went to live with her I had been used to Debra making me clean the house at least every weekend and it was a small apartment and we didn't have a lot of stuff so you know wasn't that big of a deal but I had my own room and I was required to keep it clean and then I was also required to clean the rest of the house but I was only required to clean the rest of the house once a week but my room was required to be clean at any given inspection so I was used to keeping things clean you know no clutter know anything anywhere and then when I went to live with my mom sure I've told you this before she if you had an empty space in your room she would come and put stuff in it so basically the only way you could claim your territory was by spreading things out and filling it up and that was not a good development for me I mean my father he likes to move every 6 months because he wanted to make sure he didn't keep any crap and I don't know if that had to do with my mother or not but he didn't want things and when he got him he would usually tinker with him enough that he would destroy him and have to get rid of him and we had you know we'd have a lot of stuff

So you know I don't have the kind of little lines where you're you know going through little mazes to get through the house I don't I don't have that but you know I'm looking at my table that I sit at and every single inch of it is covered with you know skincare and pins and paint brushes and male and makeup and it's just you know all the things I regularly use are on this table because I just sit here at the computer all the time my vitamins and had that big mountain of clothes and the bedroom and I kept more than of them then I intended to I kept more of them than I really think I should have so I went through the drawers that I was putting things in and I pulled out everything that I don't wear pretty much all of those clear water oh cold water creek cold water creek silk shirts I'm only keeping I'm only keeping the yellow kind of gold any ones cuz those I actually sometimes wear maybe I'm only keeping one of those I don't know they pull up my neck I don't like them so pretty much I went through and pulled out things that are like this color doesn't look good on me you know it's a comfortable style but the color doesn't look good on me things where I might put them on and then go I don't want to wear that and take it off and put something else on I just took those out but I still think the number of clothes that I kept is more than I should have but I mean we'll see I'm going to make some sort of a I mean I have to go through my drawers and organize them and what not cuz things are just kind of shoved in there now and I like to have them like you know top drawer bras on one side underwear on the other side second drawer shirts third drawer skirts for their pants and and it's not like that now plus then I have some drawers that have other things that aren't close in them and I need to figure out where they should go because that's stupid

I have four boxes of photographs bankers boxes

That's too many photographs

Now some of them are in photo albums

And some of them are in frames

And some of them are in like envelopy things

So I mean if you just flat pack them all maybe it's not really four boxes but it's too many photographs

And I'm not going to be able to throw away photographs

I know myself and that's just something I'm not going to be able to do so I decided that the angle I was going to go with this from was what is a reasonable amount of photographs

And I guess you could say some number of photo albums but I'm not necessarily going to put things in photo albums anytime soon so and I don't want to make a big project for myself to keep me from finishing what I'm doing

So what I did was I went on eBay and on Etsy and I looked around and I found two suitcases vintage suitcases cute vintage suitcases One of them is a small case that's a Montreal traveler or something like that it's blue it's from the '60s it's really cute and the other one is a like a train case kind of case that's a different brand but also not like Samsonite or something I don't remember what brand it is railway maybe or something it's also blue they look to be the same color blue but it's hard to tell on monitors they might be slightly different but they're pretty close and the handles are shaped exactly the same the roundness of them is exactly the same even though they're not the same brand if you were covering up the labels you would think they were

The train case is from a guy and he just started his shop He's got a small but really beautiful curated collection of very attractive '60s luggage I think it's all sixties and he's made like one sale and you know what most of the people do is they jack up the postage you know they're not just charging you for what the actual postage is to your location they're putting in quote shipping and handling end quote eBay does that a lot too and it's you know so that they can have their item be a little cheaper price and maybe you aren't looking at how much the shipping is right

But this guy he's had one sale and this train case he's only charging me $3 for postage and the case is n't I mean it's not super cheap but it's cheaper than most people charge for a sixties suitcase now someone went to town on the inside of the suitcase and like put cats like cut out pictures collage pictures of cats and it says I love you and I may cover it up because it's a little bit intense but since I'm not using it for luggage I don't really need all the you know little pockets on the side and whatever so I figure I'm getting a better deal because it's not really that serviceable as well I mean it works but you know what I'm saying but $3 for shipping is too low You can't ship a package for $3

So he's going to lose some of his profit on that but I mean he's made a sale so he shipped something so whatever but

But I sent him a message to ask him what size it was because I wanted to kind of know how the two pieces were going to look together and so I need to know how you know how big they are and so I'm like hey you know what are the dimensions on the back

And he sends me back a message that's like you know the size of the bag is included in the description but if you need me to make it clearer for you I can

And I'm like okay

And I'm like well maybe the photographs had some sort of a visual reference that I missed you know I mean I'm pretty sure it didn't have a tape measure but maybe there was something that had a size on it and he thinks I'm supposed to extrapolate from that so I went and looked at him again there's nothing there's no frame of reference at all You know they're on a white piece of board that is slightly larger than the item but it's not like a piece of board that's recognizable as something that I might know what it is and be able to say oh well that's this big but even so that would only give me an idea right

And the written description doesn't say either so I like cut and paste the written description and I'm like your written description says this and I paste it in I'm like and the photographs don't have any sort of measuring device so I'm unclear on how I'm supposed to see the size I'm not trying to be difficult I just want to know what the size is

So he sends me back a thing He's like no worries and he just tells me and it's like well why didn't he just tell me the last time instead of telling me I was a dumbass for not knowing right so I don't think he's had a lot of interactions with people on email regarding his products cuz you know generally generally if somebody said that to me I would not buy the item from them but I just particularly wanted this item for a particular reason and I was like okay well he's just starting out he doesn't know I don't know but I don't know what he was thinking how was I supposed to know how big that was anyway

so I'm buying these two suitcases two small suitcases a train case and a small suitcase that's a little more north south than east west and that's how many photographs I can have

Now I don't know what I'm going to do with the other ones

Probably they're duplicates because when everybody died they all I got on the photographs of me right I was the first grandchild and everybody took pictures of me

But then nobody else wanted any pictures of me so they gave them all to me

So it might be that my mom will have to have an album of duplicate pictures of me

Or I might use them in art projects somehow I don't know but that's how many photographs I can have

And as far as I could tell for the most part I have pretty much all the jewelry that I have acquired since I was maybe 13 or 14

Now some of it I've given away

And some of it has gotten broken or messed up

And some of it has gotten lost

But I've never like gathered up jewelry and taking it to donate

I used to do that with clothes pretty frequently

well I don't know what pretty frequently but like every few years at least every two or three years I would go through everything and pull out things that you know didn't fit me anymore I didn't like or whatever and I would donate it

But I don't believe I've ever done that with jewelry

And I've got way too much well probably some of it when when there was the fire probably some of it got donated cuz I don't think have absolutely every piece of costume jewelry some of it may have gotten thrown away I don't have I don't have a lot of stuff from the '80s and I had a lot of earrings so I'm exaggerating I don't have every piece of jewelry that I've ever had

But I have three large jewelry boxes

And multiple little like tin boxes or whatever

And since the jewelry oh

In addition to all that stuff I just said the large jewelry boxes I also have this Victorian jewelry box thing or at least that's what they told me it was I'm dubious That's got like four or five large drawers that's full of stuff

And I think a lot of the jewelry if I'm not going to keep it I think a lot of it I could sell

Maybe not for huge amounts of money but it doesn't take up lots and lots of space

Also I don't like any of the jewelry boxes

I mean I like them when I bought them

They're pretty enough but they're not very functional

Oh I also have I forgot I also have a Disney Fantasia jewelry box that I got from the Disney store in the galleria that plays the what is what is the Hall of the mountain Kings is that the one where he's chopping up the broomsticks or mop mop s whatever anyway and even though you would think I love that I don't really care for that either so I have to figure out some other sort of way to contain the jewelry that I'm going to keep

And I've been trying to think about how to make a place for things I don't seem to have good places for things here The last place I lived when I moved in I spent a lot of time getting it all set up so that everything had a place and it looked really good and I loved that place

I don't love this place I've never loved this place it's okay

I had a bookshelf in my bedroom that I had stuff on and I had had it at the previous place and it never gave me any problem there but for some reason here it's kind of a folding bookcase where you set up this like and see sawing frame sawing that's not

It has flat panels there hinge together You open them up you set them up space to certain amount parts then you take flat boards and you put them in and they're a little pegs that hold it it's not the world's most beautiful bookcase I have some really beautiful bookcases that have gotten kind of banged up as I've moved so they're not as beautiful anymore that came from West elm that I assembled myself that I was super proud of and I've got those on either side of the bed and they've got some stuff on it but they've gotten kind of junked up so they need to be you know have everything taken off and although right now I've got paintings on top of them I don't know where the paintings are going to go if that big closet is not safe then I I just don't know

I really don't want paintings leaning all over the place like they are right now

But anyway that bookcase it's it started leaning and then one day I was looking at it I'm like Jesus had to take everything off of it and fold up the bookcase because it was going to fall over

And then stuff that was on it just kind of got put wherever

I've got stacks of books against one wall

So it's pretty much like you know I didn't give a s*** and it's obvious and there aren't good places for things and so their stuff just randomly stacked on things there's plenty open floor space but all the surfaces are covered which is not how I like it

At the last place I had everything like the books were sorted by color and you know the ones that had pretty covers were faced out and I had you know all my little objects scattered it was like you know just waiting to be the background of a zoom call or something

So but I've lived here like nine and a half years

So anyway there's a way in which I'm trying not to let this be demoralizing

Because it could very easily become demoralizing

And that's part of the reason why today I just got the laundry done and then I've spent a lot of time kind of strategizing I was expecting the guy to come fix the ceiling he said on Friday somebody he put in a work order and somebody was going to come Monday or Tuesday and didn't really expect him to come today but if they don't come tomorrow then I'm not really sure what to do because I think my mother is going to expect me to go to the studio on Wednesday and I think she'll feel like I'm jerking if I'm not

Cuz I didn't go last Wednesday because I had the migraine and then I didn't go Friday because of the crisis

And then I was telling her you know that I wasn't going to come today because the guy was supposed to come work on the roof or I mean on the ceiling or maybe he wouldn't but I didn't really want him just wandering around in the apartment you know with nobody here I don't like that

But then if he hasn't come by tomorrow do I assume that the work order wasn't in because you know they've had to fix the ceiling five or six other times maybe more than that this place is kind of a s*******

And one time literally they just forgot to come back and fix it and it was a big hole in the ceiling for months

Which I guess is kind of my fault because I should have gone and said something to them but and maybe it wasn't months maybe it was weeks I don't know but it was a long time it wasn't like a few days

Just like a big one foot by 2 ft hole in the kitchen ceiling

Anyway so that's what's up with me

Love you very much 💋

There was this guy who used to work for me and I don't know whether I've ever mentioned him to you before probably not

He was older not like you know ancient or anything but he was probably about 15 years older than me so he was maybe the age I am now or somewhere around there I don't know

And he was a very interesting character

He was really nice

And I think he had been in sales for a long time

But I'm not entirely certain

Because he wasn't a very reliable narrator

I liked him

But I wasn't entirely certain he wasn't a pathological liar

Because you know he would tell these stories

He'd been married like seven or eight times

And all of these women had jobs like

FBI agent

Model

I can't remember

And he was like my height ish

Any looked a little like a leprechaun

Which I guess you know he was Irish

And I guess probably some percentage of Irish people look like leprechauns

And you know he'd been in the nam

But he wasn't really old enough to have been in the nam you know what I mean

And he would tell these stories about how they would give him a gun and he would throw it away because they were no good when you're you know going down the river they just get wet

And whatever right he was a colorful character

And I think I hired him on as a shift supervisor

Or maybe I hired him on as a barista because I couldn't hire people as shift supervisors and then got him promoted as quickly as possible I can't remember

And then I got him promoted to assistant manager

And then he was working for somebody else so I guess he got himself promoted to manager

But you know we worked his way up

And he had I'm going to guess this is true

He'd had cancer

And the woman who was his nurse

She was maybe 10 or 15 years older than him

And she was a widow I guess

Her husband had been a doctor I think and had left her a lot of money

But they fell in love while she was nursing him back to health and they got married

And her grown children thought he was kind of a shystery con man and was trying to take her money

And you know that might have been true

But they did seem to love each other

So anyway that was all just kind of background

But he gave me some fountain pens for Christmas I think

And when he gave me the first one

It was a montblanc they were all montblanc's

And I'm like Kevin this is too expensive of a gift for you to give me

And he was like no no he was trying to you know work some kind of relationship with the salesman at dromgoole's and you know something I don't know some kind of story about how it was a multi-platform thing and the pen was going to be bought regardless kind of

But he didn't really like fountain pens

And he knew I liked fountain pens

And so he gave me several of them

Over the course of I don't know a few years

And there was one I haven't found yet that I actually used a pretty fair amount

Including at work and stuff which wasn't a good idea

But that was just a fairly simple one

And I didn't really understand how expensive montblancs were because I hadn't really priced them I just knew they were kind of expensive

And so the simplest one I figured you know was 150 bucks something like that

But it probably actually was more

So I was going through and I'm like where are these fountain pens I know I've got them boxed up somewhere

Cuz I never really unpacked a lot of stuff

Somehow I just thought

You know I don't know any moment I would be going

Plus pretty shortly after I moved to this place

My father died

And then you got married

And I like winning to this horrible depression and I just didn't give a s*** so I just packed the stuff in the closet and I didn't unpack it

But I knew there were fountain pens

So I'm going through boxes and I'm going through boxes and I'm not seeing any fountain pens and I'm like where are the fountain pens

So I finally get to the box that has the fountain pens in it

And like I said that one that I know I used I can't find it's probably in my desk somewhere

But I'm looking at the other ones

I'm one of them's just kind of a plain one that's purple

And one of them is this really strange little pen that's got this retractable thing and whatever and it's really cute and I'm going to have to clean it cuz it looks like I used it but then packed it up and let them dry in it which is not good

But I'm reasonably certain that it was not blocked ink so it'll wash out

Their ink is really good about not being difficult to remove

But then I found this other box

It was like display case box you know with the satin inside leather case or leatherette

And this pin is totally pristine I'm confident I didn't use it

And I'm looking at it and I'm going well no wonder I didn't use it this pen looks really expensive

And there's nothing on the box saying you know what kind what the pin is called or anything about the pen

But it clearly seems like some kind of special edition pin because it's got all this design and stuff on it

And most of their pens are made out of precious resin which is what they call their plastic and maybe it's fancy plastic but it's plastic

But this is not

The barrel of this pin has this technique on it that I don't know what it's called when I was looking the pin up I think it's called like guilloche (I looked it up) but it's a technique that they do on fountain pens and various other things it's a time-consuming and like jewelry quality technique and then they put this really beautiful transparent lacquer over it so it makes a pattern and this is making kind of a wave pattern and it's this beautiful bright blue color

I don't know it's just I'm looking at it and I'm like this and most beautiful thing I've ever seen

So I mean it's some kind of special edition I'm looking it up and since it's so distinctly different looking I was able to find it reasonably quickly it's their writer series Jules Verne from 2003

But as I'm standing here looking at it now I'm like I don't know this like $1,000 pen

And I don't know how much it cost when it was new but it caused way more than that to buy it on the secondary market now

But those special limited edition writers series is they're expensive pens they're not like the regular expensive Mont Blanc pens they're you know super collectible

But they also come in fancy cases that say you know what they are and I don't exactly remember when he gave me this pen I don't exactly remember having this pen

It's possible that he gave it to me You know after he had become a manager and been like oh I want to thank you for everything you did for me blah blah blah

And maybe the store had it as a display of model and they didn't have the case anymore and he got it at a discount rate or something cuz he bought the floor model maybe or maybe they just sold it to him they said if you want to buy it you could buy it but we don't have the box that came in we'll give you a box I don't know

I would not like to speculate on other ways that he might have gotten it without having the box that it came with

And I don't really think he stole it

I just think it's possible that he stole it

Or that the salesman stole it and sold it to him at a cut rate or something I don't know

but my initial thought was oh you know when I find these Mont Blanc fountain pens I don't really need montblanc fountain pens I can sell them

But I don't think I'm going to be able to sell these pens

I mean either too amazing

And be in retrospect I'm very sentimental about them

Which is weird

And you know I kind of

Wish there was a way that I could thank him again for them because they kind of mean more to me somehow than they did when he gave them to me

I guess maybe my appreciation of fountain pens is a little more refined now I don't know

But I looked him up a few years ago and then I looked him up again today and he he died 10 years ago

Anyway I'm not going to post a picture

Because I don't think I could do it justice

But there are a couple of short videos that just show the pin rotating under good lights

YouTube wasn't around yet when it came out

And I guess nobody has done a review on it having bought it before YouTube or on the secondary market

I suspect the videos they're like a minute long each or something I suspect they were for someone to link to something where they were trying to sell theirs

And I found $45

this one didn't post earlier

This is a cameo

my mother gave me

she bought it at some little resale shop

when she was in college

and

a Kewpie doll

I bought at some antique show

as an homage

to my gran Gran's Kewpie doll collection

that was all smashed when she was a child

from a story she told me

Okay now I have to take a break because it's it's reached the level where I am having trouble dealing with it

This is kind of a random box and it had a bag in it Ziploc bag that my mother had brought me at some point she'd been cleaning stuff out and she and I told her you know I don't need more stuff I got problems with stuff that I come by honestly

So you know if you find stuff of mine you don't need to give it to me I didn't remember about it probably

But she doesn't do that she brings me these little Ziploc bags of random crap that she finds that she decides is mine and sometimes it is and sometimes is not

And I don't think I had opened this one I think I just stuck it in a box

But it has the list of when I was making necklaces to sell at my Aunt Joan's work and has the list of the necklaces that I was making and checking them off as I made them and it has an envelope it says necklace money that had $7 in it although I made a lot more than $7 I don't know why there was $7 randomly in an envelope and it had pictures of me and my green grin and stickers from when I was into stickers and an Avon Coke lipstick

picture of me and the dance costume is from the dance recital that I had that was actually the day Jason was born and my father went back and forth from the hospital to my dance recital and Deborah was pissed cuz she thought he should have just stayed with her although I'm sure he wasn't in the room or anything

Here is the necklace

and ring

I was wearing

the day I met you

I can't remember the earrings

I was afraid I'd never see this again

this was my aunt Joan's

she gave it to me

when I turned 16

but

I never really felt comfortable wearing it

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I only got a couple hours of sleep last night

so

I think I need to sleep now

I save weird things

I save weird things

Well I didn't see the chat

So I didn't chat

But I was there

I guess everybody else is all the old hat at zooms by now but not me

I love you 💋

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I have to go to sleep

I'm planning

to try to work on going through things

for a few hours

then trying to figure out the zoom

then working a few more hours

when I went through

the paintings

I was surprised at how good I thought

some of them were

I need to move the clothes to that closet

it's smaller

but

this is like the third time

that this has happened

I've got too much stuff

but

I don't want facilities issues

picking what goes in future

out of all the shoes I had in the closet

FIVE PAIR

everything else I threw away

and I may still throw away two of those

anyway

stuff and things

I didn't get as much done as I wanted today

and now

I haven't gone to be early

I love you sweetheart 💋

gonna sleep a little now

So here's what's been going on today

I woke up and I had this little voice in my head telling me to go in my closet and take the first box off the top shelf out and look and see what was in it so I said okay and I did that

And then I was like she it smells awfully musty in here and then I looked around because I hadn't looked around before grabbing that box hadn't required looking in the closet at all

So I looked in the closet and the air conditioner is leaking and there is water

And I could hear a drip but I couldn't tell what things were getting wet and so I am cleaning out my closet

Which I have been dreading to do because it's basically just full of crap

And so I'm getting rid of a lot of stuff and that's good

But as I went through my two totes of old clothes that I don't ever wear but can't bring myself to get rid of I found this

You may remember I was telling you about the Diane von furstenberg shell that I really really liked that I think thought I must have gotten rid of because I hadn't seen it so long I missed it so much and if I ever found it I would post a picture of it for you well this is it

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

I'm going to sleep now

A front blew in last night

There was a bunch of rain

Anna didn't get a lot of sleep

But I did get about 5 hours which is functional level for me

When I woke up I was having serious sinus

My head hurt my neck hurt in fact it was like my head hurt down to my shoulders

And I was super duper congested

And there was another quality to how I felt that I couldn't quite describe but

I called my mother and told her I was not feeling it

Well I gave her more description than that but it's essentially what I just told you

So I took some Tylenol and I went back to sleep for a couple hours thinking well you know that'll knock out the headache whatever

But when I got up in a couple hours

It had morphed into like full-on migraine

So I have literally been asleep all day

Like 15 hours

And I'm very groggy

And my head still hurts

But I've got to do a few things

And then I can listen to stuff and write you stuff and all that other stuff

I had dreams and they seemed very vivid

But I can't really make any sense out of them

I had one where I was hanging out with some friends of mine who I don't know in real life

And I was super hungry

But they were not

And one of my friend said just go get something

So I went to their kitchen and I looked at the food that they had and it was

Kind of weird

But I was super hungry

So I had some things

And I was eating them

Unlike this tray from the cafeteria

And I became aware that maybe they were looking at me like I was eating too much

And what we were talking about

I don't know exactly

But one of the other people was talking about

How I was talking about people

Oh they should be forced to do this in that

And they should have this in that dire thing done to them

And I'm like well yeah but those are jokes those aren't serious

And they're like I don't know

So they seem to be saying

That I had crossed over into extremely unacceptable behavior in some way and needed an intervention

Then there was another section

Where there was this woman and she I think she shopped in a I mean I think she worked in a grocery store and I'm not sure if she was black or if she was Indian like India Indian or if she was both of those things

But she was definitely married to an Indian man

And lived in a very small house that may or may not have been adjacent somehow to the grocery store

and I was over visiting with them and their house was set up in a very different way than I'm used to it may have been a traditional Indian way

I don't know because I'm not all that familiar with room and furniture arrangements of traditional Indian homes

But maybe I was staying with them I don't know

And the husband was going out of town

For some business trip or something

And the woman who was I guess my friend was asking her mother-in-law if she could over the next week while her husband was out of town spend the extra money to buy western-style food so that she could introduce her son to western-style food because that would help him when he went to school

And the mother-in-law said yes she thought that was very smart

I'm not really sure what that was supposed to mean

And there was another part where I was at a gas station and I bought I guess I got gas but I also got a soda or something and it was two transactions somehow

And the woman gave me all my change from the first transaction which was like I don't know $8 or $13 or something she gave it to me and a big stack of ones

And I didn't want to put a big stack of ones into my purse so I was like well I'll just give her this money in her tip jar

I'm not really sure why she had a tip jar

And so then she went to give me my change from the other thing and that was like $30 30 something dollars I don't know I must have given her $50 although I can't really imagine that

And so she hands me this big stack of like 30-something ones and I was like well I'm not putting all that in your tip jar

And she's like what would you like to have fewer ones would you like bigger bills

And I'm like yes

And she's like well why don't you just say that

I'm like well I'm assuming that you wouldn't be giving me 30-something ones if you had something bigger

And then I had handfuls of pennies in my purse and I took all the pennies and I stuffed them in her tip jar too

Which wasn't that easy to do because

Her tip jar was like this big folded plastic box with a slot in the top of it it was clear so you could see all the money that was in it but it wasn't very strong

And you couldn't just drop it in the top you had to kind of shove it in the slot

And it was pretty full already

And then I had another part where I went to hairstyles to get my haircut

and explain the situation with what I had done with a cutting

And they cut the top in the back like really short so there was this like bang all across the back of my head it was really weird

And not like cool weird like dumb weird

And I'm sure there was more but that's all I remember right now

I love you very much sweetheart

I'm going to sleep now 💋

I love you very much sweetheart

💋💋💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

So I'm going to go to sleep

Not going to be sleeping for very long

But I think I got like 11 hours sleep last night

Maybe more actually

I think there's some kind of pollen issue

Because I'm very congested and my eyes itch something fierce

I had really interesting dreams

I can't remember all of them

But there was this one

I don't remember there was a lot going on there was a college

They were like midterms or something

There was some sort of a performance schedule

Which might have had something to do with pride

Or maybe

Maybe it was Mardi gras I don't know it was something really festive

And there was some woman who was leaving the city and moving to the country

And maybe this all took place in a small town

I've been trying to think about it and make it make some kind of sense and that's really the best I can do

But there was this one bit before I woke up

I was in this very small space

There was a stage but the people who were watching the performance were like kind of all around the stage and it was a very small area it was kind of like almost like a dining table or something

It was a raised stage

And there was this guy

And he did some kind of a performance

It involves costumes

And maybe singing or lip syncing but definitely dancing

And he didn't really want to do any of that

But it was required somehow

So he did it and then he threw off his costume

And then he was in this kind of tight bodysuit sort of but somehow

It was also like a stylistic rendition of a baseball outfit uniform jersey whatever

And on the stage your table or whatever it stretched out like maybe 10 12 15 ft I'm not sure

And there were a bunch of guys on the table

Stage

And they were kind of staggered

And stretching in various kind of poses or positions stationary

And the main performer guy

He threw the ball not very hard you know like softly because it wasn't there wasn't anybody he was pitching to

And the ball went down the row of guys and it touched every single one of them and then it got to the end and then it like boomeranged back and touch ed the other ones I know I said it touched every single one but it touched every single one in the first line and then it turned and it came back and it touched every single one in the second line because they were staggered

And then he caught it

And I was like completely overwhelmed

I was like oh my God that's the most incredible thing I've ever seen

He got every single one of the people out except you know it was like a magic trick or something but

I don't know it just affected me really strongly and I thought it was amazing and I told him I thought it was amazing and it was just I don't know

Amazing

And I felt like like all the dreams I've been having since I've been doing these little meditative things before I go to sleep I felt like all of them have been some sort of psychological breakthroughs and this seems like it was a psychological breakthrough as well although I really don't know now what it was supposed to have been a breakthrough about

I know recently I saw this footage from a baseball game and I'm not even sure who was playing I just saw a clip

But the runner he hit the ball and then he headed for first but

But the ball got thrown to the first baseman

And really all he had to do was step on the base and the guy would be out

And there were apparently already two outs

But the runner he like said something or behaved in some way that made the guy forget that he could just step on the base and made him go after him to tag him with the ball

So he ran back towards home but while this was going on there was a runner on second base

So he just started running for home right so when the guy who has the ball the first baseman is chasing the guy back to home and then he realizes that there's a runner and he tries to throw it at him or something I couldn't see exactly what he did

But the guy who had been running he made it home safe so they had an extra run and then when the guy threw the ball or whatever he did then the ball was in play again and the guy who had been running the first but who ran back towards home started running the first again and somebody threw the first but the first baseman like wasn't in place or something and so nobody caught the ball and so he ran to second so it had been like two outs and yet they scored a run when there was no reason for them to have scored that run and the other guy got onto second

So it had to have been an error

It had to have been scored on an error

But it seemed as though that guy who was running the first had done something psychological to make that whole thing work and I was very curious about that

And so maybe that's where that came from I don't know maybe it was symbolic

Anyway

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

Goodnight

I'm going to sleep now

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

 ok

i guess i'll sleep a few hours

i love you very much sweetheart💋

I feel like it's time for an update on my wound/scar healing

I'm pretty pleased with this progress

 i guess i'm going to sleep for a while now

i love you very much sweetheart 💋

I'm not sure

if this color will read on your monitor

but

it is perfect

it's actually a touch more wine

than was my childhood purse

and

it is dark enough, I think

to read as brownish

if absolutely necessary

but

when I look at it

it's purple

it's perfectly sized

a lot of those satchel purses are wide

I could do without the duck

but, whatever, it's a Dooney

the universe was right

this is the 👛👜 purse

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

Sleep for a bit 💋

strawberry musk?

 i think what started this magical mystery tour was this:  the other day a voice whispered in my ear, possibly after the realization i had had about the importance of scent to me, and what it whispered was strawberry musk.  strawberry musk?  i had had some strawberry musk perfume when i was a child because 70s, but i was never all that fond of it.  i had had strawberry musk incense, also because 70s.  i thought the perfume might have more clues because that covered more territory, so i started looking.

nobody makes strawberry musk anymore.  i mean there are a few etsy sellers, but there would be no reason to expect it to be the same formulation.  jovan made something called wild strawberry musk, but they stopped years ago.  but somehow all that got me to thinking about perfumes that i did like.

the earliest perfume or really eau de toilette that i ever liked was something i found in a sampler of floris colognes that somebody let me play with when i was maybe four or so, it was called stephanotis.  stephanotis isn't made anymore, but it was one of the earliest scents that floris made dating back to at least the 1800s.  stephanotis is a type of jasmine.  and i like jasmine, but i don't think that that was what i specifically liked about stephanotis.  in addition to jasmine it had coriander, carnation, and civet.  there were maybe eight to twelve little vials in that tin, and out of all of them i picked a pretty mature scent.

my grandmother liked midnight in paris mostly for the blue bottles, i think.  my aunt joan liked jean nate.  my aunt edith liked ylang ylang oil.  i'm not sure if my mother knew what perfume was.  i'm sure she did, but i have no idea what she, no, that's not true, i do know--  shalimar.  strange, but i remember their cigarette brands too--  gran gran smoked merits, joan smoked vantage and my father smoked marlboro.  my father used old spice, i think my paw paw did too, and bob used hai karate.  deborah sold avon, or had co-workers that sold avon, or friends that sold avon, so there was a lot of avon.  this introduced me to some other scents.  i had had chantilly and white shoulders and they weren't really my thing, too powdery.  then there were the little girl perfumes tinkerbell and heaven scent.  they were kinda meh but they had cute packaging.  the avon was all pretty meh too until i found charisma.  i guess that was really my true first signature scent which i found at like seven, maybe.  wanna know what it had in it?  coriander, carnation, and civet, no joke.  i found this out yesterday, or maybe today.

i have had a hard time finding carnation fragrances, i knew i liked that because i had just a straight up carnation perfume one time, but i'm not sure that i knew it was in those two fragrances specifically.  apparently carnation is something that most people don't like to wear.  they don't make either of those anymore.  i looked up coriander and carnation in perfume, which was harder than it should have been somehow and i found coco which is made by chanel but isn't very popular, but what made me laugh out loud is the number of times i have tried that on and said, man i love that, but it smells kinda mature.

which is why i stopped wearing another perfume that has, you guessed it, coriander, carnation, and civet--  paloma picasso.

so, i thought, maybe they still make charisma, but, sadly, no they do not, as i have already stated.  so i thought, well, when did they stop making it, maybe it is available somewhere.  perhaps i should now mention, in case you didn't know, because why would you, civet is like a kind of musk.  i looked on ebay and i did find some.  there were several.  but, right there, as though it had been waiting for me, was a small full bottle of perfume maybe half an ounce in a decanter that was a red strawberry--  i kid you not.

the universe is playing with me--  showing me the magic.

 i've been thinking all sorts of things

and

somehow that led me to cholla

she was a big influence on me

she and my mom were friends for years

finally i think cholla decided my mom was too negative for her

and my mom had already gotten pissed at her

because

my mom had painted some painting that she thought was really good

and

cholla say it and asked her if she wanted some books she had

on how to paint water

it was a waterlily painting

and 

my mom took it as a huge insult

which

i can't say because i wasn't there

but

maybe when you're friends for 25 or 30 years

maybe you could give them the benefit of the doubt

anyway

cholla introduced my mom to barbara

and i always sort of thought

she was giving them to each other

to free herself from them

she died

about a year after my dad

and

i mean i hadn't kept up with her

so

nobody called me to tell me or anything

i don't think they called my mom

but she had a big influence on me growing up

and

i really don't think i'd be the person i am

if it hadn't been for her

anyway

i found these things

https://glasstire.com/2013/03/14/remembering-cholla-kepner-art-league-houston-instructor/

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/the-woodlands-tx/cholla-kepner-5388553 

https://www.ebay.com/itm/353366109332

💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

 there is more to the purse story.

i didn't want to tell you until it had all played out, but there was some drama.

i see the purse.  it is a dooney & bourke dillen leather satchel in claret.  i hated dooney & bourke back in the 80s when they were a status bag.  i thought they were ugly and old lady.  i didn't like the large satchel bags at that time and when my mother showed up with a hideous green version one day a couple years past when they were it with all the preppy i just cringed.  and then they just went off my radar.

i have actually been looking for this bag for about twenty years.  i actually found one in the early 2000s that was very similar.  it was a crinkly patent leather in the same shade, but metallic, with dangly shit hanging off of it, and a short drop strap.  i hated it.  i'm pretty sure goodwill ended up with it.

i've had a lot of burgundy colored bags.  they are my go to since i got that really cheap one that i loved with all the pockets and zip compartments in the mercado, san antonio--  i found the homage bag to that purse for about $20 on ebay a few years ago.  i also have a burgundy henri bendel bag i got off poshmark.  i really need "claret" to mean the purple that it looks like on my monitor.

somewhere around seven or eight years ago i bought a little sakroots bag with birds on it from tjmaxx and decided that small bags were what she would wear.  my father kinda trained me up with that--  is that what she would do--  as a guide for cool, thinking of yourself in the third person as the projected image of yourself.  when the sakroots bag started looking too rough for me to want to wear it i replaced it with a coated cotton pink pouchette with happy yellow lemons which turned out to be dooney & bourke.  it was well made--  actually it was defective--  but still better made than most things.  the strap had been sewn on twisted a bit, which is i think why it was still available on clearance.  i still love that purse, and look at it almost every day, but, when i went to florida it was a long road trip and i decided i needed a particular thing, and that thing ended up replacing the lemon purse.

what i needed was a small wallet that i could wear bandolier style under my jacket.  i was taking more cash than i usually walked around with and i wanted it on my person, not in the big henri bendel satchel full of junk i was carrying around with me.  i didn't want to be going in and out of gas station rest stops screaming grab this big fucking purse i obviously have more money than sense.

that was dooney & bourke too.  elephant colored pebble leather short crossbody wallet, and i've never looked back.

but i can't put anything else into it.  a pen is a logistical battle.  my keys lack into the hooks that hold the strap on and dangle free--  they can't go in the purse.  my vaccination card was too big to fit without folding it.  a mirror, any makeup, anything, anything extra, is largely impossible.  it's wasn't planned to be an only purse, i just loved it so much that i couldn't change things out.  it still looks as good as it did the day i bought it.  no, actually, somehow it looks better.  so now.  i guess i'm a dooney girl.

this is much more wind up than i meant to give you to the whole dramatic story.  

i saw the bag.  the universe shifted. i typed in the bid.

opening bid $37.00

only i typed it wrong.

i swear i typed a decimal, but these keys are sticking on some sort of irritating random interval schedule and the decimal didn't type.  yes, i just typed and confirmed because i didn't catch it, my maximum bid for this pre-owned purple purse was $3,700.  fuck!.

i looked for a way to change it, and couldn't immediately find one.  then i calmed down a little.  i'm not saying i'll pay $3,700. (well, yes, technically i am), this purse has been up here for five days without one single bid.  now it has ten hours left do you really think there is going to be a run on this purse.  it's wednesday night and the purple purse posse is on the prowl?  really?!  

i had bid on it because i didn't think there was much danger of competition.  when something seems like it will be hotly contested, and i don't want to encourage any oh my god somebody else wants this driving up the price, what i do is bid in the last fifteen seconds.  i type in the most i am willing to pay and they don't have time to react.  if they were serious about it, like strategically, they will likely get it, because i'm not a high roller, but if they were just fucking around then it's mine.

i calmed down.  maybe the universe wanted me to pay a little more, maybe countrycookin needs the money.  i planned to be asleep at 8am when the auction ended and $37. might not win a pristine condition discontinued color popular style dooney--  maybe the universe wanted to make sure i got it.

i did othr things.  i went to the bathroom.  i checked my phone.  i had alerts--  you're winning now, but watch out for the cometition!  the price was  up to $81.

now, $81. is about six dollars more than i would have been likely to bid for this purse, like ever.  it's been less than an hour.  apparently the purple purse posse is on the prowl!

i start googling how to retract a bid.  i start trying to retract my bid.  it's within the first hour, so i can.  click!  and the little wheel spins and spins and doesn't go through.  i check in another window.  it's still me.  i go back.  i refresh the page.  you can't retrack your bid within twelve hours of listing closing, if you still have a problem contact the seller.  what would i say to the seller.  hey there, excuse me, i'm a dumb ass, i do want to bid on your purse, and i am willing to accept a certain amount of liability for clicking confirm without actually, ya know, confirming.  can we reset it to say $150. so i'm only punished a little?  i do not love your purse $3,700. worth.  bt-dubs hope i didn't disturb your sleeping.

no.  not doing that.  how much will the market bear for this pebble leather not trending bag?  just calm the fuck down.  the universe knew you wouldn't shell out, and this is clearly the bag, so it made sure you couldn't not win it.  it's not going to go over $115. and that's only because it's an unusual and discontinued color.  go to bed.

so i watched a few more  youtube videos, i wrote you that other stuff, and i went to bed.

if you could have it not go up any more that would be great.

bed.

i set my alarm for 7:30, then 7;45, then 7:55.  all of those times it still said you're winning, $81.

then i set it for 10:30.  you won, pay now, $81.

the wednesday nite purple purse posse had been, apparently, a party of two. 

on the way home i saw a plaque which i have missed consistently for months.  there is a labyrinth in the methodist church across from the museum of fine arts.  i could, maybe, labyrinth walk on the regular.  i was longing for that.  somehow, i just didn't think there were any here.

when i get home, feed the cat, check the mail, heat up leftovers, watch vampires of pittsburgh, i'm also scrolling around the internet.

[information you need]  when i was a kid, i carried a purse.  it was a thing, five years old, six years old, purse.  purple patent leather.  purchased at woolworths.  not the small neighborhood one.  the giant fancy one in the heights.  i think it may have fallen apart.  but for the last few years, i've been thinking about that purse.  and i really want it's replacement.

so, i'm on one of those auction sites, just casually.  there it is.

i hope it's really purple.

 do you have anything you want me to photograph?  i asked her.  i take those pictures with her phone.

i thought i'd have you take some pictures of me holding my paintings.

oh, ok.

i go to the restroom, and she positions her wicker chair and picks out some paintings.  i get her phone and line up the shot so it's just her and the painting with white wicker chair and white wall.  as soon as i point the camera at her she gets like a super sour look on her face.  i mention it.  she gets a progression of weird expressions ranging from sure weird uncomfortable smile to kayser soze wandering eyes to mild spanish inquisition right back to sour puss with a soupcon of tex avery's cartoon dog.  i have rarely seen that much expression range in such a compressed period of time, and yet, nothing useable.

i start making noises and flapping my arms until she smiles.  then move the camera into place (and i mean quick) and she's right back.  can you possibly stay amused longer?  i ask.

she changes to a picture of venice.  i want to go back to venice, she says.

tell me about venice, i say, hoping it will soften her expression.

i want to go back, she says, because that bitch i went with totally monopolized everything and i didn't get to see anything. 

ok, look, i say, the point is to tell me about venice, get all misty eyed about it, maybe improve your expression, not to make it worse.

you're taking the pictures, she says, if you can't get good ones it's your fault.  [she's kind of joking]

oh honey, i grew up with you, i know it's my fault.  [i'm kind of joking too, kind of]

i want to go to the small shops that aren't in the town square,  barbara would only lt me go to the shops in the square...

were there any gondoliers?  i ask, what were they like.

and then she starts talking about muscle-y guys posing and showing their muscles.

mission accomplished.

maybe it was earlier.  i was telling her i had heard someone talking about michaelangelo.  she said she had always been fascinated by the fact that he could draw a perfect circl free-hand.  and i was like, did he do that too?  because in art history the story was that giotto was the man who could draw a free-hand circle.  it was early renaissance, geometry and perspective were just coming to the party.  michaelangelo painted the sistine chapel, sure, but he didn't want to.  what he felt was his greatness was to free the figures from the block of stone.  i looked it up:  did michaelanglo draw a perfect circle?  googl came back giotto drew a perfect circle...

well, you know sometimes people say things and they don't know what they're talking about.

yes yes, but that wasn't the point, i say.

what was the point?

the point is that i remember that from what like 30 years ago art history when i haven't thought about it since.

was that high school?  that's more like 40 years--  30 years ago you were 23.

24.  

so you've got a fabulous memory.

no, i don't.  and that's not the point either.  the point is.  that art history from high school just stuck in a way that almost nothing else has for me and i thought it was kind of remarkable.

 so i changed it.  universe work your magic.  i am open and ready to immediately receive everything you want to give me.  i know in the past i have had a lot of stuff that has held me back from being open to it but i know the energy of the universe flows through me--  show me the magic.  and words to that affect.  i went on for quite a while and i can't remember exactly.

i dreamed.  i was in a place that was very foggy.  there were two people. i'm not sure which was me.  it's difficult to describe.  it was kind of a battle or duel or ritual summoning type of action.  the figure were like magnetically drawn together or something, but in a circular arching manner.  they were shrouded in  mist, indistinct, until they got face to face, then one said, i see you now, and the other one, on the next pass said, yes,i see you now too.

i was momentous, somehow, like crossing the veil or something.  when i woke up i felt like i'd had some kind of breakthrough.  also, ya know what, i felt completely refreshed.  i had a headache, though.  that top vertibrae (sp?) is slightly out, that's your problem.  i used to go to the chiropractor for that when i was in my twenties.  she would take my head and crack it in a way that always made me afraid that she was gonna actually break my neck.  i levered my head around tractioning it on the pillow.  i massaged it. well, i told myself, take some tylenol.  

i had a headache, but i felt good anyway.  nothing else specifically hurt and i wasn't groggy.  i had a hot shower, i had coffee, i had asked for rain which was nowhere in sight--  guess i'm going to the studio.  i didn't really want to spend the day with my mother, but whatever, no big deal.

i wasn't really into the painting.  i did a few things but the camera was being difficult.  processing, it kept saying.  my father couldn't wear a watch, supposedly.  his electrical energy would make the hands spin around, or it would just stop cold.  was this true?  i don't know.  maybe.  maybe not.  is my memory getting full?  this is an odd thing the phone camera issue.

 i've had kind of a surreal day.  i want to tell you about it.  i don't think it's going to make any sense.

i didn't get a lot of sleep.  but i remembered that when i was a kid i used to give my subconscious mind assignments for while i was sleeping.  i had forgotten that.  so i said, look, you're not going to sleep for very long, but when you wake up you will be completely refreshed.  i've been taking this get your mind right thing seriously.

i put some things in files to watch later and when i went to watch them just now, they are different.  where did they go?  and the ones that are there are suspect too, some of them.  wasn't yesterday the day i got all the sleep?  why am i out of control of my mind or actions or something?

i've changed up my affirmations of whatever.  i like that one girl's universe work your magic thing, but i changed it up.  universe work your magic.  i am open and ready to immediately receive joy blah blah.  then i added the scripting, but i kept changing it around.  so then i changed it all up, and that maybe the reason my day has been so surreal.

last night.  my affirmation thing was pretty out there.  oh, there's a big thunderstorm now so i could lose power.  i'll go ahead and post this part now.  

might be going to the studio

should have gone to bed

gonna nap for about 3 hours

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

 

here's a rough sketch

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋