i haven't been able to write the sex scene

i woke up this morning
and
i tried to masturbate
i haven't in a long time
and
i thought i'd give it a go
it was not completely unsuccessful
there was lubrication
which i was worried might not happen
that's what i've been reading
and
i did [sort of] finish
but it was weak
and i'm not a one time girl
i mean
i typically would not consider less than three or four
to be even marginally finishing

but
ya know
i'm out of practice and i may need to buy a device
anyway
that didn't put me in the mood the way i hoped it would
but
it did make me feel kinda warm and cozy
and ya know
i told myself how much i loved me and stuff

so then
what i really wanted to do
was go to coffee shops
and walk along canals
and
live in a canal boat with you
and
i tried to work sex into those places
i was originally thinking of locations
and
it just ended up being a like joyful romp through the happytown
happy to be alive, moments of joy
spinning down the street in the sunshine

i had a great day with you
but every time i tried to work things around to sex
it just seemed sort of heavy and intense

i'm sorry
i know i said i would write it
maybe you were really looking forward to reading it
but i couldn't


goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much