goodnight sweetheart

that was a typo this morning
btw, not some brilliant thing, the sweethear
i like it though
i might manage to work it into something
but
i just noticed it
so i haven't got anything now

it's also rodeo time
do you know
i haven't been to the rodeo since i was a teenager
and, really
if you're not counting the carnival
but just the rodeo
a very young teenager

i don't think it's going on for much longer
and i have a mild desire to go
but
idk
there are lots of people
i really really hate crowds of people
and
i doesn't seem like it'd be fun alone

most things i like to go alone
but
i'm probably not going to be able to drag myself


i was thinking today
about an imaginary trip we could take
they have a big balloon festival in new mexico, don't they
well
i was imagining us going to the balloon festival
i've never been
maybe you have, idk
i have always wanted to go to one
but
it would remind me of my dad
he loved them
i think he went there on one of his trips
when he was crazier
the pendulum was telling him which way to go
(full disclosure, i have a pendulum
but i never inhaled
i mean
i don't really use it--
well, every once in a while i pick it up
it tells me somethin i don't want to hear
i put it back down--
but it is in my bathroom right now)
he also thought he could run the car with mental energy

and he called me one night late
when i was twenty something
and said he didn't have any money
well, he did
but he couldn't get it till the bank opened in the morning
and could i wire him some
and i was like
i don't have any money either
and he's like
don't you have like $3000 of savings
and i was like
yeah, before i started college i did
but i've been spending it on college
and he's like
well can't you get money from your mom
and i was like no, not really
and, besides
it's only a few hours until morning
i don't understand
i think, as it turned out
he was in vegas
anyway
he got me all agitated
and i'm like
look, i'm worried now
can you just call me in the morning and let me know you're ok
and, i mean, this is before cell phones
i didn't have a contact number for him
and
i didn't hear from him for 8 years
except maybe he sent a post card at some point
my mom brought me a card
it didn't have his name on it
and she didn't know when she got it
it had been in a box of mail for who knows how long
it just said:

i'm ok


i'm pretty sure that's a story
i haven't told you

i probably wouldn't go to a balloon festival alone
but
i think if we were we
we'd have fun
and that's what i was thinking about
you and me
standing out in a big field
(do you call it a field if it's desert-y
or does it become like a playa or something)
looking up in the sky
at all the colorful balloons
and having a thing
about balloons that was just ours