things i saw today when i closed my eyes

i was doing this meditation thing i do
which sometimes
gives amazing results
but sometimes
yields nothing what-so-ever

and
for a while now
hasn't

but
today
and i did it several times
was so
beautiful

i saw
pulsing daisies
like blind jellyfish
bellowing out, contracting in
with some hidden undulating energy

i saw
the arc de triomphe
rising from the street
careening around
all teacups and tilt-a-whirl

i saw
my pregnant belly
and it wasn't that huge, i'm long-waisted
i used to see this all the time when i'd meditate on you, on us
but for quite some time now
i either didn't see it
or i didn't really see it, i'd just remember what it looked like when i had
but i saw it today
and you touching the bump
then
the skin ruffled back
peeling away
a georgia o'keefe flower
and a blinding light spilled out
like the baby was the sun

and this song was playing
a song i don't know
in a mesmerizing
sing-song
french
i saw a field
of grass-could-not-be-greener green, far as the eye could see
and a blanket, picnic
with a man and a woman and two small children
clamouring happily
a big jumble
laughing
so happy
alive
and maybe the camera pulled back
or maybe the blanket soared across the green
until they were hard to see

the music stopped


it made me really happy


i don't know
maybe
i should imagine us, just us
maybe
it's wrong for our spawn to be so
central to the vision or fantasy or whatever
but
i can't help it
and i don't know
if that's supposed to be predictive or what
because i don't consciously believe that two is gonna happen
but i clearly
saw
two