like the crack of thunder overhead

it was a nice little record shop as far as that went
new and used
but of course
it isn't strictly speaking a record shop, is it
whatever
the place sold music
had paintings on the wall
it was
in what was unremittingly a downtown area
but somehow
also
in the middle of nowhere
it was awkward
just as it was inviting

she was early
again

she wandered around
more pretending than actually looking

she felt
she looked good
she felt
sure of herself and her situation
she felt
excited

then
there he was
his pants cinched up like a hobo
she wanted to feed him, she realized, omg
then
he turned his big brown eyes on her
muttered some words about being surprised to see her
that didn't match his happy puppy body language
and
all that maternal stuff
spun out and hit a wall

then
he turned away and looked at records
ok
he gave her the distinct impression
that it was difficult to be near her
like staring at the sun
or something

so she wandered around some more
she could feel the electricity arching through the space
it had been a while
she wasn't in a big hurry
she was sure
sure of him

he was asking the counter man a question
he got up and left the front of the store

they were alone

they were alone

they were alone

they walked toward each other

he looked like he was going to say something

she would kiss him now
now goddamn it
that's what's supposed to happen now
the feel of his lips
his tongue
the possibly ungraceful but fevered quest for how their bodies would arrange themselves in space
but the counter man had said to follow him
if they started to kiss
it was not only rude
they would certainly be caught in the act

unless it was really fast

but it was too late

her body was doing something she hadn't authorized:
she placed her hand on his shoulder, you're supposed to follow him

and he closed his mouth
he wasn't going to say whatever it was
he looked at her
with a look she couldn't read

she had a lot of time to think about the look later

maybe there was a little betrayal
a large dose of uncertainty
and
a definite saved-by-the-bell

what the fuck was that about
she railed against herself, standing alone in the middle of the record store
whose side are you on, anyway

and
for the first time
the first time since she planned to meet him
she wasn't sure of him
it could still bounce back
she could go out behind the shop
and he could come around to smoke
they could kiss behind the dumpster
desperate indie film anti-heroes
in the great barren wasteland of bohunk

but suddenly
she lost it
and she started to cry

she wasn't young
she wasn't thin
she hadn't understood him
or he her
she had been deluding herself
and now
now
now she had shut him down, hadn't she
and

and he wasn't bouncing back either

was he