turn it and turn it

last night the dreams were
deep and strong
complex
and
i can't remember them

i don't know
maybe
you don't like the food talk

i was wondering today
if the stuff i cook even sounds good to you
i mean
it's got a lot of weird ingredients
the macrobiotic staples have never left
even though i'm not macro
and there's a lot of raw
even though i'm not raw

sometimes
i have these fantasies
that i'm making thing special for you
catering to your health needs
and you love them
and feel really loved

then sometimes i think:
yeah whatever he's just humoring you and then running out for cheese burgers

maybe you spend all your time out
and expect that i'd have a bunch of friends

and i'm all fantasizing about making up
big batches of slaw and borscht and dehydrator cookies
so you'd have things to eat if you got hungry at random times

where is that stuff coming from
maybe
you think the stuff i make sounds yucky
and it's weird
because
although i never wanted to be domestic
some of the stuff i think i want
sounds dangerously domestic

i guess i've put a lot of energy into my food
so it makes sense

if i start dreaming about washing your underwear
and picking up after you
then
i will really really worry about myself