I was playing on Zillow 

& I found this 

PLACE

WAIT 

I have to back up

I found this

CONCEPT 

you have thirty million dollars 

you just won it

BUT 

don't worry about those

DETAILS 

you didn't have it

NOW

SURPRISE 

what do you do FIRST 

AND

it would SEEM like it's 

EASY

BUT 

it wasn't that easy 

SO

in COMPLETELY UNRELATED 

play

I saw this place on Zillow 

& THOUGHT 

if I had thirty million dollars 

I would buy THAT place

& fix it up

it's an old

SERVICE STATION 

in Okemah 

I was

IMAGINING it

as a kind of live/work studio

which was

SIMULTANEOUSLY 

KINDA

a virtual CAMPFIRE circle

PARTY shack

I don't want to throw parties

SO

I kept TRYING to leave THAT off

it just kept sneaking 

BACK

I tried something different 

I said to my mom

wanna do something FUN

SO 

we went to three bookstores 

the literary one

the mystery one

& the new Barnes & Noble

I bought

what caught my attention 

Ten Bridges I've Burnt

by brontez purnell 

A Wall of Bright Dead Feathers

babette fraser hale 

Scents and Sensibility 

spencer Quinn

Milk Magazine 

Milk Decoration

Ms Magazine 

I just passed out 

LAST night 

I was TRYING to figure out 

how to articulate 

what's going on in my brain 

I THINK 

I'm FINDING 

a way through 

I THINK 

I'm gonna be OKAY 

BUT 

I can't explain it YET 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 

I LOVE you 

❤️

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 

🫶👾🫚

there are these people 

they're on ticTock

mostly 

the guy is dadchats

& I forget 

if she goes by Suzanne or mom

BUT 

they are 

NUTS 

I don't even know

if I could 

HANDLE

knowing them

BUT I enjoy them

SO much 

he's a lawyer 

& she is a teacher

BUT 

she is a wicked joker

SO

they have this thing

where BASICALLY 

she is DARING him to

wear a shirt to his meetings

that might

GET him FIRED

they are CRAZY 

NO

NOT crazy 

MADCAP

I don't HAVE to

GO to therapy 

it's something I'm doing by

CHOICE 

I didn't go to therapy today 

I texted him 

I have a migraine 

would it be okay if I 

hang on

I can't remember exactly what I said 

would it be okay for me not to 

come to therapy today 

I wasn't sure 

if stating it as a question 

was the right way to go

BUT 

it felt too AGGRESSIVE 

to say

I have a migraine 

I'm SKIPPING therapy today 

AND

it felt too LIKE 

CALLING IN to WORK 

to say

I have a migraine 

I'm not going to be ABLE to MAKE it 

to therapy today 

if I were him

I would think 

she's AVOIDING conflicts 

about the meds

OR

MAYBE I pushed a little too hard

made her

feel threatened 

SO

the version I USED 

I guess is my way of saying 

I'll come in

if you think it's REALLY important 

BUT 

otherwise I'm not 

& I'm SOMEHOW 

MAYBE also

making it 

FOR HIM to tell me to stay home

which probably is NOT 

RIGHT 

it FEELS to me now 

LIKE when my district manager 

once asked me 

HOW would you 

LIKE to be

HELD ACCOUNTABLE 

to MAKE me SAY 

that he should 

WRITE me up

SO

MAYBE I'm just sh*tty

I think it might not have been a migraine 

just a bad headache 

BUT 

HEADACHE 

doesn't MEAN anything 

the TRUTH is 

I woke up

feeling 

PRETTY good 

EMOTIONALLY 

my head hurts

my brain-stem feels swollen 

I think my lymph is 

OFF

because my chest and neck

is somewhat tender

BUT 

I thought therapy 

would make me feel worse

not better

TODAY was weird 

I read a suicide note 

from a guy who didn't get kidnapped 

he hid

he watched

or listened to

his friends get killed

or dragged away 

BUT 

there was worse

I read THAT before Julia butterfly hill

I started to tear up

about SOMETHING*

*I can't now remember what

in the Uber on the way to work

BUT 

strangely

I felt LIKE 

MAYBE I'm figuring myself out 

I'm going to tell

the therapist that I don't want to take

medication 

to just mellow me out

even if that MIGHT be cool

BECAUSE 

I'm trying to rebuild my FRAMEWORK 

and I don't want to do THAT 

in a different mind state

I want to figure it out 

NOT 

half ass figure it out on meds

& THEN 

JUST have to re-re-learn

how to do it

AGAIN 

BESIDES 

I FEEL 

LESS freaked out

I'm NOT feeling super talk-y

BUT 

I feel extra LUCKY 

goodnight sweetheart 🫶 

I LOVE you VERY much 

💋👾🫚

good morning sweetheart 💋 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

🫶👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much ❤️ 

🫶👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

Marcus Aurelius

made me think of Dr Nelson 

my first semester of college 

I was picking 

what the f*CK ever I wanted

& I picked

intro to ETHICS 

over time

I took more classes from him

than anyone except 

Sandy Frieden*

*German film

I haven't thought about him for a little while 

BUT 

I really loved him

I mean not in any sort of crush-y way

he was just an excellent person 

AND

I use that AH HA moment story 

a lot

it was an IMPORTANT moment 

BUT 

ALSO 

he was my faculty advisor 

HE WAS where I got

OR MAYBE NOT 

he would be philosophizing 

people would be scribbling frantically 

& he would pause 

REALIZE he had been LIKE 

making

UNCHALLENGED statements 

for quite a while

he would STOP 

and say

OR MAYBE NOT 

which was an 

INVITATION to challenge 

BUT 

I always heard people 

CROSSING OUT 

like WTF

I guess THIS is NOT on the final

& it amused me 

I was trying to find out 

SOMETHING about him now

BUT 

I found a thing from 2012

he was one of the retired professors 

granded emeritus status

there was a picture of him

I KNOW I wanted to go to a better school

BUT 

I feel like a got a lot 

out of the education I had

AND

he was definitely 

one of the stars

that worked out FINE 

I f*CKed up the time change 

BUT 

it worked for me 

THIS time 

THAT was GREAT 

well it's not ten yet

and it looks like 

it's already on

SO

I'm not sure I'm doing it right 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I need to sleep 

🫶👾🫚

I fell asleep again 

I REALLY loved the DNC 

I REALLY hope 

we REALLY feel that way

I'm trying to figure out 

what I can handle 

DO SOMETHING-wise

AND

KAMALA 

I feel like her speech

left it all on the field

if you don't believe that she is an agent for good

after THAT 

I don't think ANYTHING will convince you 

I SO WANT 

EVERYTHING to be okay 

I SO WANT to HOPE 

we finally moved forward with 

AMERICA 

I feel like 

this feeling 

it ties into

what I was talking about 

with the REDEMPTIVE power of RED DIRT 

BUT 

I'm not sure exactly 

the transition 

REAL people 

who cares about

REAL people 

BUT 

this emphasis on returning to 

some sort of civil

DISCOURSE 

Pete was talking about it as WHY he goes on FOX

I HOPE AMERICA wins

I WANT SO MUCH 

to believe in the promise of AMERICA 

I fell asleep in the chair 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚

it's all fine

nobody REALLY needs me

I just have an overweening sense of my own importance 

what a RELIEF 

this new girl is great

I don't need to worry 

that they won't have support 

& nobody seems 

upset with me 

I just need to get through 

TODAY 

and four more days

& then I don't have to get up

at 5:30am

ANYMORE 

YAY

I'm so happy