she NEVER or at least
you NEVER
KNOW
if she's telling the truth
SO
it's effectively impossible to
TRACK anything
when we were at her cardiologist last
I was trying to get info
on how MUCH
SODIUM
she was allowed to HAVE or some target
& he acted LIKE
the CONCEPT didn't make any SENSE
she complained about not feeling great
& he was talking to her
ABOUT surgery
& she was like
NO
she's on warfarin
SO
she has to have her
BLOOD checked
regularly
to be SURE it's not TOO thick or thin
NOW
she's having it checked
to SEE if her
KIDNEYS
are still
OKAY
BUT
when she complains
they're LIKE
THIS
is what it's like NOW and they twerk the MEDS
we went to her primary
she had been retaining water
BUT
we don't really know how much because
SHE WON'T WRITE ANYTHING DOWN
I'm LIKE
I feel like you want me at the doctor
to ASK the RIGHT
QUESTIONS
BUT
I don't know WHY we're HERE
BUT
as we were there
& I was talking to her doctor
I REALIZED what is
GOING ON
she doesn't want to do the SURGERY to FIX
her VALVE
& she THINKS she can just
GO ON INDEFINITELY
on the diuretics
& the cardiologist
isn't making it
CLEAR
even to ME, really
I keep trying to explain
she just needs to
MANAGE it
BUT
she won't, really
AND
I ASKED her primary
who she LOVES*
*in the way she loves people who don't argue with her or cross her, or tell her things she doesn't want to know
WHAT
is the ACTUAL situation
& the doctor said
BASICALLY
if she GETS the surgery
SURE
she's old and she MIGHT not make it
BUT
if she DOES
she will feel better
& probably live for years
if she DOESN'T get it
then she WILL
HAVE
FAILURE
& THEN it's EITHER
an EMERGENCY open heart surgery*
*where the outcome will then be to get it back to almost as good as she's doing now, but definitely no better and possibly not this good
OR
she's ACTIVELY DYING
& they can give her
DRUGS
for the PAIN
while she does
I'm LIKE
I'm not trying to be
MEAN
I just don't think she
UNDERSTANDS
I think she thinks she can go on indefinitely like this -- I want her to understand her choices
BECAUSE
I totally GET
I don't want open heart surgery
I'mma just live
UNTIL I die
BUT
SHE WANTS to LIVE
she just doesn't
want SURGERY
I texted her saturday
HOW
are you doing
FINE
I just dropped off my 2023 taxes
NOW
I didn't KNOW
she was
BEHIND
on her
TAXES
SO
this just SEEMED super random to me
BUT
I'm pretty sure
she's NOT
THINKING about her
MORTALITY
& her life decisions
AND
I just don't know what to say to
I just dropped off
LAST year's TAXES
in the place where
EMOTIONS
we're
EXPECTED
