i'm not the type of person

to lose a child, and then go right out
looking for a replacement
I was sobbing and saying I never
ever
wanted another
and
it wasn't planned that way
but
in the past
the cats would find me
and
so
there would almost always be two
but
it didn't work that way this last go round
so, for the last six, seven years
it was only one
and now there's none
and it's only been a week
and
I'm looking at cat rescue sites online
not because I'm getting a cat
not right now
but
like
because I have to remind myself
that there will be another cat
at some point
because
it's so empty
and it feels disloyal
and
bad
no one could ever replace my baby
my little Zen kitty
who
if he's in my soul cohort
and was just lucky enough to get to be the cat
this time around
is probably sitting in the reboot room
saying
dude, tubular