i just can't decide what to write

i took a bath today in epsom salts
cause i feel like that helps
but
i don't really like to take baths

i like big old claw footed tubs
but even then
it just reminds me

when i was younger, lived with my mom
we didn't have a shower
we just had the tubs

this wasn't what i was used to
i had always lived in places with modern plumbing
but
this house didn't

those tubs were comfortable
and
i guess i was smaller too
but the were great, to a point
but not fast
and
i never really feel, clean

i mean
you're not washing it off
so much as sitting in it


but
today
i'm sitting in the tub
and i piece of body hair floats to the surface
and it made me think of my mom

she had decided, at one point
that it was just wasteful
to drain the water between baths
that we could all use that water
the two of us
and my step father

and
i freaked out a little

i had to explain to her
that i was not willing
no matter the consequences

if she wanted me not to drain the water after, ok

and then i thought about telling you that story
and i thought
that makes you seem mean spirited

you can't tell that story