i had a very very strange dream last night

i was at some sort of
conference
or convention
or something
and

i'm hesitant to tell you this

i picked up some chick

who might
or might not have been
someone i used to have a relationship with
but
we didn't actually have sex
or anything
we just went back to the room
and lay together in the extremely narrow bed

there were these guys
sleeping on the floor
in this hallway
or alcove
or something
which was weird
but
it didn't seem to be all that strange
not in the dream
because i was talking to them
joking
friendly
not to the point of flirting
but comfortable

there was a guy
but it wasn't you
who was all
disapproving
and wanting to know all my whereabouts
i can't remember specifics
maybe
maybe i was splitting my energy
maybe i was just avoiding
but
i wasn't too happy with either of them

but
it felt like
some sort of compilation
of bad relationship bullshit
but without much emotion attached

so i went
out to the bar
and i start to talk to the bartender
but
for some reason
everything i say is too dangerous
he won't let me talk in front of others
so
for every line
we had to leave the room
and it was pissing me off to no end
what the hell did i say, anyway

so
and this is the weirdest part
even though the things in the dream were all not happy
i was very happy as i faded in and out of sleep
because somehow
i had the impression you were with me
though i wouldn't say you were in the dream
it was like
any second
you were going to appear
so i kept snoozing as long as i could

and i found these shoes
not even vaguely
something i'd wear
i have very specific shoe criterion
in real life

(not like when i was younger
and apparently aspired to be imelda marcos)

these shoes
in the dream
and i mean, i was very excited about them
square toed
ballet flats
with a bow (jeez)
black with a kind of pick stitch pattern
they fit perfectly
and i was trying to ask the bartender
about them
but then i had to wake up
so i never got the shoes
nor did i see you in the dream

and even though i woke up with a headache
i continued to have the residual feeling that
you were with me
not like a ghost
i can't explain it

and what the hell did that dream mean
there might be bits i can't remember
which might be important or clarifying
but i tend to think it was pretty sketchy