he had

TALKED

about it before 

BUT 

I don't 

FOLLOW basketball 

& it wasn't 

IMMEDIATELY 

APPARENT

to me

HOW 

IMPORTANT 

this guy was

NOW 

I've got a clearer 

PICTURE 

BUT 

STILL not THAT 

CLEAR

but MORE AWARE 

the problem with that

I learn by making this interconnected thing-y

BASEBALL 

I have

ENOUGH information 

that I can put

loose pieces where they go

BASKETBALL 

I don't have 

ENOUGH 

SO 

sometimes the pieces

get lost

BUT 

they've built a sort of

PASSING of the

GUARD

narrative -- I'll probably remember LeBron in his CAR talking to his WIFE 

BUT 

in order to 

KNOW 

what he said

I need more information on LeBron 

I have NO IDEA what he thinks

I had to stop 

in the midst of that 

to tell you

I was listening to 

tim miller

who

I think I should NOT listen to 

he is pretty high anxiety 

& it's 

CATCHING 

BUT 

he MENTIONED doncic

on the politics 

SHOW

I don't remember what he said though

BUT 

I thought it was 

WEIRD 

BUT 

now I think I'm 

SEEing the

PATTERN

OK

GRANDPA

& his BIG BOX of STUFF 

chasing down

MELISSA 

is KINDA

adorable 

he could win me over yet

NO NO

HOLD UP

WHAT

was the

POINT

of

OFFENSE

he comes at it

KINDA

as though

HAHA

BUT 

it turned

SO

is it that she WASTED money

is it that he doesn't 

APPROVE

of buying things

for HOLIDAYS 

& with the

DOG

it's TOO MUCH 

I MEAN 

she got marketed

a cute thing

& she bought the dog a toy

the F*CKing

SALIENT question is 

DOES THIS ONE

MAKE NOISE

where is this

I'm UNCOMFORTABLE with GIVING 

the DOG

LOVE TRINKETS 

ENERGY 

coming from 

TONIGHT 

was an other one

I really 

WANTED 

to

SEE

I saw my mom today 

& I took in

a little 

TOO much news

SO

I'm gonna listen to 

TK

&

hope that

COOLS

me

down

my phone was out of battery 

& I've just been 

THINKING 

NOW 

my cat

wants to lay on me

& I might 

FALL ASLEEP 

I LOVE you VERY MOON 

I'll say now

just in case

👾🫚🍀

🫶☕🐦☁️

SEE

THERE it GOES 

AGAIN 

I KEEP 

FEELING you

TODAY

are you thinking about me

MORE than usual

OR

HARDER 

than usual

OR

is something else 

going on with me

that I'm 

mistaking 

for the

BODILY SENSATION 

that I associate with 

FEELING you 

THINKING 

about me

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I'm gonna try to sleep 🫶

👾🫚🍀☁️☕🐦🇨🇦🧲🧠

❤️❤️❤️

I didn't 

CONNECT 

in the

MAILBAG today

I didn't do

the stuff 

I was

GONNA

DO

I did

SOME 

of it

I have to figure out

URGENCY 

without stress

I don't want 

it 

to be

URGENCY 

I'm TRYING to REPLACE 

URGENCY 

I'm TRYING to 

FIND

SOMETHING 

that WORKS 

I just want

to self-sooth, maybe 

& only do what

HAS to be 

DONE

& I KINDA 

go back and forth

ABOUT 

whether I'm not ALLOWING myself

to REST

OR

I'm just making 

EXCUSES 

why am I not being 

PRODUCTIVE 

& I get

DISTRACTED 

AND

I SAW this THING

ABOUT 

INTER

generational

TRAUMA 

AND

I KINDA 

HATE

that

CONCEPT 

I ALSO 

HATE

the IDEA 

of BRINGING 

PAST

LIFE 

TRAUMA

come ON

it's 

TOO

MUCH

too HEAVY

I feel like

this

DRIFTed MORE than usual 

they WERE

STAPLES in my

LIFE 

I have replaced them with

NAPPING 

LOVINGLY 

WRAPPED 

in

FOIL

by

NIGEL

TOOTHPASTE CRISIS 

I am now using 

TWO toothpastes 

WELEDA SALT

& desert essence coconut

sometimes 

I use one

or the

other

and

sometimes 

I use both

at the

SAME

TIME

I'm gonna try to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶

👾🫚🍀☁️☕🐦🇨🇦🧲🧠

❤️

AND

I'm not sure 

that didn't SOUND 

SOME KIND 

of WAY

he said the thing

at the end

NOT 

right after

AND

I sound 

WOUNDED

& THAT

WAS NOT 

what I was going for

I didn't 

MEAN 

oh MI of MY

mmmmMYpppotential

NOR

did I MEAN 

oh if ONLY blah blah blah

I'm NOT depressed 

I was trying to 

EXPLAIN 

I NEED

to figure out

ME

&

I

WANT

to FOCUS

on LIKE what am I gonna DO

HOW am I going to 

MAKE money

BUT 

I've GOT to 

GET the

SYSTEMS sorted

& I'm having trouble & I don't want to 

it's SO MUCH easier 

to SPIN in 

CIRCLES that you KNOW 

BUT 

he missed it 

OR

I didn't make myself clear 

& he was telling me to 

MAKE a

VISION board

BUT 

I think what happened 

(stay with me)

he said 

they wanted to have the

CEREMONY today 

we're having it

in a few weeks

at a time 

that makes it easier for family to travel

I said

that's good 

gives you a chance

to process

before 

you CELEBRATE her life

AND

HE LIT UP

& said

THANK YOU 

in a tone LIKE 

FINALLY 

SOMEONE gets it

& I suspect 

THAT is what

inspired

HIS 

YOU ARE SO*

*I forget the actual word he used because I read it as I have just become acutely aware of your wasted potential

anyway 

it was

WEIRD 

I LOVE you 

I'm not gonna lie

I'm 

a little bit 

FREAKED out 

I've been holding it

PRETTY 

CONVINCINGLY 

at bay 

&

I'm still 

LIKE 

OK

I did

talk about my stuff 

BUT 

I must have

SAID something 

WRONG 

because 

I'm not happy with where I ended up

I got to therapy 

BEFORE 

my therapist 

as it turns out

BUT 

I just thought there was a problem with the door 

I texted him

because I didn't want 

to just be standing in the hallway 

& have him be sitting in his office 

wondering where I was

BUT 

then he got off the

ELEVATOR 

he SEEMED off

SOMEHOW 

& then

when he went to unlock the door 

he kept 

MISSING 

the keyhole*

*although it was silver, round, and raised out from the door

he tried four times 

just scratching the door three quarters of an inch over to the right of the keyhole 

I'm LIKE*

*after we were in his office 

are you okay 

I don't even mean

EMOTIONALLY 

you seem 

OUT of SYNC

I'm on VALIUM 

your doctor told you you were safe to drive

well I DROVE 

he was pretty 

WRECKED

he repeated all his information lines

three times

while he was telling me about 

his mom & stuff

he's NOT okay 

I'm LIKE 

HEY 

you don't KNOW Elon, do you

because 

he seems to know a lot of people 

that seemed to confuse him

no no, I know you know who he is

I MEAN 

do you know him personally 

BECAUSE 

if you do

you need to tell him to 

REIN it the f*CK IN

NO no he's TOO RICH for me to know

it was

WEIRD 

the therapy today 

I LOVE you VERY much