part of the reason 

I picked killing Commendatore 

is that

I remembered 

there being SOMETHING

about the WAY

he PAINTED 

LIKE 

the essence 

of people 

BUT 

I couldn't remember the finer points

PLUS 

it was on my phone

& WHATNOT 

I REALLY like 

MURAKAMI 

& there is SOMETHING about him

that I TOTALLY 

VIBE with 

I THINK 

there is SOME 

common element 

the the ways we write

ALTHOUGH 

MAYBE 

that's hubris on my part

I have been

KINDA

radically rethinking 

all my talent trees

MAYBE there's nothing too special about me

I DON'T mean that to be

NEGATIVE 

although it probably SOUNDS that way

I can't sleep 

I'm listening to 

Killing Commendatore

again 

he's got a new book

I was trying to get 

BUT 

it isn't out yet

SO 

I'll have it in November 

because I just 

used a credit 

I just started 

Killing Commendatore 

I'm not very far back in

there is an element to murakami 

that feels so 

familiar 

I identify 

BUT there is ALSO 

an element to him

that is

alienating to me

I had forgotten 

his description of the women

he had sex

with

I MEAN 

there's a WAY 

in which 

I get

he's looking back

he's describing 

events

in a particular way

& it makes sense 

BUT 

I still have this

LIKE 

negative-adjacent reaction to the WAY 

he's looking at & describing 

the women

their limited ascribed motivation

the way he

KINDA

has interest in them

without caring

really 

at all

it's vulnerable 

BUT 

icky

it bounces me out

LIKE 

verfermdungseffekt

AND 

then I have to stop

& ask myself 

is it meant that way

BANANA ball

TIC TOK 

WILBON SOCCER 

SUNDAY ticket

FOURTEEN BILLION dollars 

BRETT kavanaugh likes

BEER

& FOOTBALL direct TV 

ep303

speaking of puking

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much ❤️

👾🫚

NO amount of ORANGE Gatorade 

doctor in the group 

a dermatologist, but still

I'm not burdened by EXPECTATIONS 

COUPONS 

CONFLUENCE of COVID

GRANDPA 

they do not have STAFF

for calling 

ALTHOUGH 

I'm KINDA surprised 

they couldn't 

check the computer to see

if they are SUPPOSED to have it

💯💯💯

🫠🫠🫠

what does this melty face mean?

It's so HOT 🔥 my face is melting off?

I'm having an acid trip?

I really love emojis 

I looked it up 

HEAT yes

BUT 

also embarrassment or wanting to

like sink into the earth

BUT 

also like, contextually, if flirting or something 

in can be LIKE 

you make me melt

into a puddle

of whatever

ALL the traffic lights are out

like after ike

&

I will not say

everything went off

without a hitch

BUT 

SO FAR so good 

👍

I think I'm having

a stress

HANGOVER 

I know there's a TK

BUT 

I'm not feeling it today 

I'll know in the morning 

if the first thing 

has been 

negatively impacted

I hope 

everything is good with you 

I just don't feel 

very well

&

I'm going to bed

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight ❤️

👾🫚

the HOWLING 

is unsettling 

I'm AWAKE 

I'm still ALIVE 

I'm STRESSED 

BUT 

I STILL have POWER 

as of NOW 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

FINGERS crossed 

in the

LUCK way

not like behind my back

or SOMETHING 

🙏🙏🙏🤞🤞🤞🙏🙏🙏

🌀🌀🌀

❤️

I'm kinda 

nervous 

I'm either gonna 

pass out 

OR

not be able to sleep 

so

I'll go ahead say 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 👾🫚

I forgot to post these

possibly finished 

probably not finished 

definitely not finished 

I am NOT going to work 

TOMORROW 

I am as prepared 

as

it is possible 

I THINK 

POWER will probably go out 

there may be

LOGISTICAL issues

I cannot 

CONTROL 

but

I'm HOPEFUL that 

EVERYTHING 

goes as planned 

I've had a weird day

I was working 

down my list

BUT 

I'm having one of those

clumsy drop things 

DAYS

I've lived here for years

but suddenly 

most of the washers

aren't working 

the f*CKing hurricane 

is stressing me out 

it's raining 

BUT 

just barely

that's not stressing me yet

&

the POWER went off

my nose is running 

shouldn't allergy season be OVER 

the word that comes to mind for TODAY 

is MULLIGAN 

but it's not really that serious 

I got MOST of what NEEDED to be done 

finished 

I'm going to bed

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much ❤️

👾🫚

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much ❤️👾🫚💌

SEA SHANTIES 

ASTROS are JUST LUCKY 

RANGERS are

NOT 

OHTANI & judge

HOT DOG eating contest

I don't understand 

the difference in the technology 

cannoli turned me off the SPORT

too much DAIRY 

ELITE EATING 

it's OKAY -- you can CALL it a SPORT

MUSTARD belt

there WAS that BLIP in 2018

it TRIES to NORMALIZE 

THESE people

APOPLECTIC is the word

I would use

to describe TK's

FEELING 

about MAJOR LEAGUE EATING 

I'm enjoying this

SHE KEPT EATING 

hot dogs are DENSE

pancakes are FLUFFY 

they MIGHT expand with spit

& WHATNOT 

what condiment would you have come out of your

FINGER

NOT bitching about the NATs 

PBS is not edgy

I also enjoy 

RHAPSODY in BLUE 💙💙💙 

Seventeen the hole that HAUNTS me

WHAT is a fescue?

a kind of grass

did you notice

what we put in your bag

SHOP CREDIT 

Hey

if I call somebody 

a ratchet skibbity cunt

does that incorporate 

ENOUGH 

different slangs

to be interesting 

POV: in my head or in a story

not necessarily 

something is say

ALOUD 

to someone 

Sarah Rose 

the ice cream queen 

SOLD OUT SHOTGUN 

I mention it to Michael 

THIS is the FIRST 

I'm hearing about it

TK

bitching about the NATs

SOCCER ⚽ copa america 

WOMEN'S soccer ⚽ 

is BETTER 

in America 

thank you for having me do this twice

the INTERN likes

the bagel sandwich

which involves sausage

which I don't know why

that kinda grossed me out

I don't know what I thought 

they needed to keep warm

I just didn't think

as much as I like lox

I usually 

KINDA eat that separately 

for me

bagel + cream cheese

no EXTRA 

I GUESS I'm minimalist in my bagel enjoyment 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 💋👾🫚❤️

the empty space on her wall

is for some little one

that are at the studio

&

I look fatter

to me

in that picture 

than I THINK 

I am

I have not been weighing 

but

I look thinner

NAKED

&

I was leaning back weird

to get the shot

BUT 

I AM STILL fat

just normal fat

 not SCARY fat

AND 

CPTSD 

has some overlap 

with borderline 

& I was ALWAYS like

I don't have ANY

black and white thinking 

it's ALL gray

&

I DON'T split

I see the best and the worst

SOMETIMES 

specifically separated out

usually not

BUT 

even then

STILL 

at the same time

ie. NOT splitting 

ALSO 

I don't think I have 

all this

self hatred stuff 

BUT 

EMOTIONAL FLASHBACK -- that seems right

the smell of lighter fluid

was palpable 

on the 

WALK

to my mom's 

GOOD morning sweetheart 💋 

I hope you are doing well 

I'm not SURE what that dream was about

was that last night?

or the night before?

I KNOW last night

I was up and down

all night

HOT

then COLD

temperature regulation 

is a problem 

STILL 

BUT 

since I live in a SUPER HOT place

I guess I'm happy 

that I skew

COLD FLASH*

*although still night sweats

I'm telling you

the whole woman stack is whack

do not recommend 

have a beautiful day sweetheart 🌼

I will say

even though the election

SEEMS

in peril

I do NOT FEEL 

that impending DREAD

that I have felt

SOMETIMES 

when actual peril has been 

ABOUT to OCCUR 

SO

if the psychic thing

has any merit*

*which I'm not sure about 

then everything will be

OK

or at least okay-adjacent 

I REALLY 

HOPE 

the chatter

I'm hearing from EVERY direction

is not good

🙏🙏🙏🤞🤞🤞🙏🙏🙏

OK

I hope you are doing well 

I don't know if 

I'm just tired 

or

if my mom

and whatnot just mentally exhausted me

or

WHAT 

but I am wrecked

& I'm going to bed

there is a TK

she's got Justin coming in the morning 

to hang all the high

artwork 

in her apartment 

& I've gotta be there to supervise 

or whatever 

there's WEATHER coming

hopefully not a hurricane here

they are projecting 

MEXICO 

but

they often change direction 

when they hit land

&

it's going across the Yucatan peninsula 

SO

WHO can SAY, really 

I did take allergy medicine 

which I usually don't 

SO

maybe that has

SOMETHING to do with it 

I miss you 🫶

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 

❤️👾🫚🌀⚡

OK

I went to the bank

I dropped sh*t off at goodwill 

now

I'm gonna go do sh*t

at my mom's 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 💋 I LOVE you VERY much ❤️

I dreamed just now

my mom got an ambassador job

a woman

from the state dept

gave me a file

I was distracted 

&

left the file in a room

with people 

I came back

it was

EMPTY 

I got so distracted

looking for a way

to make that better

I was going to hear youj

& was very late

everyone was in bedsheets

and

it wasn't 

a lot of people 

I was

distressed

THAT is when I woke up

going back to sleep

I'm going to bed

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much ❤️👾🫚🫶

darius

sings the mailbag

I USED to drink grasshoppers

when I was a kid

mailbag

addresses the INTERN

ep 283

james wood

fingers in the dikes?

did they delay him

for contract

reasons*

*wednesday ellis 

I love BASEBALL geekiness

lane thomas 

Harvey

finnegan 

first base

third base

don't sign Paul george

the preening of sprinters

is a special kind

of

walk up 

SONG*

*will you

be

I listened to about half

& I'm not

writing anything 

& I'm dozing off 

I'm low on sleep

SO

I will finish

TOMORROW 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 👾🫚🫶

What does he mean

they aren't real people 

is it GPS

computer voice

good morning sweetheart 💋 

have a beautiful day 

❤️👾🫚🫶

🍨