I think something that I said must have kind of tipped her off or else she took it seriously that I did not believe I could get everything packed up in 10 days 9 days whatever
Because she's been in every area I mean not I don't think she's been in the front bedroom but there were some things I was going to throw away as soon as I came in that are right by the front door they're gone I don't see a box that they're in so maybe she threw them away but I doubt it
There was a box with some nasty old binders in it that didn't have a lid on it and I was going to throw those away and just fill the box with something else but it's gone too
So I'm a little worried that she's been sneaking boxes back to her house filled with metaphorical moldy sandwiches
Now I mean it's her apartment it's her stuff it's her life she doesn't need to sneak them back
She can do whatever she wants
I'm kind of surprised that she would carry boxes out to the car she's got a dolly she can use to get them into her apartment but I mean it seems as though it's hard enough for her to just walk to her apartment so I'm a little worried that she's overextending herself energetically
She's got stuff everywhere that seems as though she thinks it's packed but it like doesn't have a lid on it or it's in a non-standard size box I mean it's pretty c********** looking so I don't know
So I just went into every area that I was thinking that I was going to go into when I got here and stuff was changed and stuff I was going to throw away was gone so I mean I find it very hard to believe she threw that stuff away
So I think she thinks I'm throwing stuff away
Which it's kind of unfair because she wants me to be throwing stuff away she bought me a box of 100 trash bags
No I'm sorry I bought the bag I bought the box of 100 trash bags she bought me one of 120 right and then she has another one of like 100 or 120 that she's been using so I mean she knows things are going to be thrown away
And she said a bunch of times oh the stuff in that front room most of that can go
But then if I ask her about any specific thing that can't go so I've stopped asking her I'm just throwing s*** away
But I think she got paranoid and started taking her moldy sandwiches home
and since she said multiple times that I'm going to have to organize that stuff and put it away and whatever I mean are we going to go over there with the movers and there's not going to be a place for them to put anything because it's all full of stuff already
Hoarder mother one out of 10 do not recommend
Anyway I hope you're doing well
So I've been just for the last couple hours working in that front bedroom and I have continued to fill up a couple of things I have going and I've filled one box with a bunch of little jewelry boxes and the outsides of the many many hideously dirty odd shaped things that they were in said they were ready to sell
I only opened a few of them to verify that
But so far I've got one box of that and I'm going to have I think one more box of that and I've gotten five bags of trash
So I'm not dissatisfied with my work so far
But I may be need a little break from that room so I'm taking a break obviously because I'm talking to you and I'm going to eat a bar and then maybe I'm going to go work in one of the other rooms that has lights for a little while
Once the sun comes up I'll have a little more option in where I can see
I am still maintaining a positive attitude though even though seat I have always been of a mind that you know some people they plan out what they're going to do very carefully you know they're like I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this and then I'm going to do this and they've got their whole plan or they plan out what somebody they're going to say to somebody and they plan it all out and what I find is that you know it's good to have a plan like that
But often in life for one reason or another you can't actually do the thing you plan to do and so if you get too tightly tied to a plan then if you can't execute your plan you're just kind of stymied and spin in your wheels
And one of the things that I had to kind of you know once I get you know in a some sort of a fugue state which I know I've talked about many many times in our history I'm just now kind of putting it together as to what that all is about but I've certainly talked about them but once I get into that kind of state I'm not very effective and so I have all these kind of workarounds for not getting there and my interactions with other people I tend to be fairly non-emotional I think you've even commented on that before like I can't tell what you're thinking or I can't tell what you're feeling or whatever so I don't tend to get out of control with other people either
Unless something like super triggering happens and then I don't know mostly though I like to do my freak outs without people watching me
Anyway I'm just trying not to let this get me down because it just still seems so heinous
