so
i'm not sure that the bifida is agreeing with my skin
i'm not waking up glowing
and i was before i started using that
however i also started the sdsm at the same time
so maybe not conclusive
also i'm bummed to learn about the filter in the camera
i was feeling really good about my skin
and it is pretty good
but
it's got a little redness
and a little uneven slightly freckle ish
which also, the freckle ish, seems new

i was researching
and i was trying to decide
what i'mgoing to try next
because i am full on thinking of abandoning the bifida

i found this
and i full on want it with the blazing heat of a thousand suns
which replaced, more or less,my desire for this
which wasn't quite that intense
but they are both too expensive

but
i started looking for Tripeptide 29
to see if i could find it somewhere else
because i'm back on the peptide thing, clearly
and
i found it

https://www.beautypie.com/us/all-skincare/serum/superdrops-flash-face-lift

so maybe we'llgive that a try $10.63 seems do able
also
i had forgotten to mention
and to use
the thing that was working on the breakouts

https://www.clinique.com/product/1672/29793/skin-care/acne/treatment-specialists/acne-solutionstm-clinical-clearing-gel

which i was using back in october
but have been forgetting to use
it's got sea whip seaweed in it
which keeps it from drying me out too much
but
i use it as a spot treatment
but
when i put the salve over it
i have to be super careful not to spread it into my eyes
which i think was what happened that put me off it

i don't really like it
but it does work

it's not working on the sleeping giant cystic acne in my chin
it's not red
it's not swollen
but it's still there
after all this time
and i'm still having all those other symptoms
just hangin out
but
nothing
no resolution of anything hormonally

maybe i'll just have like menopausal pms the whole xmas season
i think that would be super fun
i mean, seriously what the hell

but
that's not what you are interested in hearing about

i'm looking at my chin
it is a little bit pink
and it is a little bit swollen
what i mean
is
it isn't really noticeably so

and i am trying not to pick at it
but it is so so hard not to

i can remember when i was maybe 11 or 12
i would get small pimples
or blackheads
and my mother would come at me with a sewing needle
wanting to pick at my face
i really didn't want her to do that
so i finally got her to switch to non violent methods
and she kept putting egg whites
or queen helene

anyway
i haven't thought about that in years

i'm going to dinner with her tomorrow

anyway
gotta go to bed
gotta get up by 5am at the latest

goodnight sweetheart
i love you very much