i'm seeing so clearly
a trajectory
a trajectory which i really knew already
but somehow it's clearer to me now
from tones in voices
and
stuff
than from science

and
other stuff has happened
i'm not saying life didn't go on
but
in a way it didn't
it's like a lost love
but worse

i get it now so clearly


which somehow cosmically mirrors
my coming to understand something about my father
and how i hurt him
driving home from santa cruz that first time
learned about my relationship with my father from you

and maybe it's a writer-y thing
this seeing of dramatic story arcs
from fine motion clockwork peaches

but you know what ya'll have to do now
it has got to got to happen
scientific thesis

and
another realization
i might love fleeting more than the others
whether it's "better" or not
because
that's where i heard the call
it seemed so strong a cry for love
and i said to
 myself
i want that
and i was a gonner after that

i had ideas about you before
that never would have led me to approach you
i doubt i would ever have spoken to you
except for the eye contact/connection that night
but
the whole thing
it was them as much as you
that atmosphere
that night


so
wow
such a tenuous thread of fate
that has joined me to this path
i hadn't realized
it had always just seemed like
of course
it's my mission
but
clearly
it was
sequenced