i'm listening to the superintendent of schools

and again
i'm being impressed
it turns out he comes from san francisco
@hisd_supe
they are going to the shelters
making plans to get those kids to their regular schools
so they will be in a known environment
ok time for school
they are planning for programs
and counselors
for students
and teachers

i don't have a kid
i'm not usually paying attention to stuff like
superintendent of schools
but he's fairly new

i feel
something i don't usually feel

i feel like competent people are running stuff
like
they got this
and it's all gonna be ok

now
maybe not
but
that's how i feel

i am wondering if i need to go into the evacuation explanation

there seem to be a lot of people from other places
who are voicing
wtf is wrong with these people
why didn't they just bug out


i don't really want to explain it
but
if you don't understand
if you are thinking that the mayor
with whom i am incredibly impressed
if you're thinking he did wrong
to tell us not to evacuate

then i will explain it

oh
and speaking of mayors
our last mayor was an excellent public servant
she was in the gpc (gay political caucus)
{cause it used to be the one letter}
when i was i college
and i was impressed with her then

why is ann c. such a cunt
every time i have any awareness of her
that's all i can think
my god that woman is such a cunt

i didn't actually get to see the sun

but
i did see light
and a blue sky
and tonight
cicadas

you've no idea

no work again tomorrow
and metro is still shut down

but
my legs are not lookin so good
from all the lack of movement
and
perhaps i've been eating more salt as well
but i've been sleeping erratically
and
probably missing doses
but whatever
i'm a little worse for wear

so
tomorrow
i'm going for a walk
i'm not sure how far i'm going
it feels a little weird to go outside

i'm not going to the grocery store
at least i don't think i am
i think that's too crazy still
i was planning to walk to the convenience store
i'm low on half and half for coffee
which they will not have
that's really the only supply i'm low on
but they might have milk, which will work fine
plus
they might have donuts
or cheetos
i'm craving those pretty hard

that's not much of a walk

so i'm trying to think what else to do
i could survey the neighborhood for damage
i could look for and open coffee shop
i don't want to drive anywhere

i'm not going to a shelter to volunteer
i kind of want to
but
i'm not going to
i'm going to focus on getting back to normal

thursday
i told dennis i'd work 10a-4p
and i told my mother i'd go to dinner with her

i think the rain has stopped

i'm going to sleep
i feel more confident that i'm safe
than i have
at any point

no
it's still raining
just lightly

5"-10" more tomorrow
or, really
today

it's tuesday, right?

fuck
thunder, harder rain

whatever
still going to sleep

they're closing some of the refineries

you might want to
fill up all your cars
gas prices may rise
maybe it'll just be local
but I doubt it
20% rise
it just said on the news

i've been up a little while

my work is closed again tomorrow
which is good
turns out they didn't open saturday
i didn't need to feel guilty all day

it's constant rain
but
not hard
i think for me the worst is over

people who live by the trinity or brazos river
however
are being evacuated
as they are expected to rise to the 800 year flood level
and the safeties are only for the 100 year flood level
buffalo bayou has receded a little
and they are releasing from barker and addicks reservoirs
gradually
but with all that and drainage from the north and west
they expect buffalo bayou to rise eleven more feet
if i understood correctly
beyond the five feet over the 100 year flood level

so i guess
flooding is still a possibility

they are evacuating the subdivisions around those reservoirs
kinda a mess

my mom's power is back on
stillno water in her house
and brays is draining nicely
the boat evacuations near her have stopped
for the time being
because it's not deep enough for boats
but still too high for cars

i wish i'd bought junk food
i want chips
i want brownies
i want popcorn
i don't want healthy shit
well
i want that
and a big fucking bag of weed

anyway
i had toast
and coffee

i'm barely certain what day it is anymore
has it really only been a couple days?!

my phone alarm just told me
flash flood extended til 7pm
they've just been extending it since friday

several of my friends on social media have posted this
i've never seen it before
i'm not sure about the praying for part
which is sort of integral to the poem
but it captures something
very houstonian
which you might or might not appreciate
but i did
so
i'm sharing it:

• Houston pride - forever. by Jeremy Rutledge:
  if you want
  to pray for Houston
  you have to pray...
  in her way
  

  pray like Beyoncé
  when she was
  at HSPVA
  or Billy and Dusty
  shooting pool
  at Rudyard's
  pray like you're
  sitting over soup
  at Spanish Flowers
  or pho at Mai's
  steaming your glasses
  pray like the kids
  playing soccer
  on the east side
  or mutton busting
  at the livestock show
  pray like the runners
  in Memorial Park
  lacing them up
  or the researchers
  in the medical center
  looking into microscopes
  if you want
  to pray for Houston
  you have to pray
  as quietly as
  the Rothko Chapel
  or Houston Zen Center
  and you have to pray
  as loudly as
  the old scoreboard
  at the Astrodome
  after a José Cruz
  home run
  you have to pray
  sitting under
  a live oak tree
  or standing next to
  an azalea bloom
  while your skin
  clams in the heat
  if you want to pray
  for Houston
  you have to pray
  without pretense
  this ain't Dallas
  and in a neighborly way
  as friends come out
  to check on each other
  in the rain
  and those
  who are far away
  watch screens
  and wipe our eyes
  if you want to pray
  for Houston
  raise a bottle of Shiner
  to the gray sky
  9 trillion gallons of rain
  are no match
  for a city of such life
  and diversity
  you can fill up our bayou
  but you will never rain
  on our parade

ok, intermittant rain

no flooding
street has drained off
everything seems to be ok
they are predicting rain all day
but not super hard rain
hopefully everything is ok
I need to sleep


my head hurts so bad
I am exhausted
and
like worn out


when I was asleep before
I dreamed about
this Christmas blanket

ok, i'm up

there was more rain
i should have gotten up earlier
the street is flooded again

but
the army corp of engineers
has to release 4400 cubic feet of water
from the addicks and barker reservoirs
into buffalo bayou
to release pressure
so
they don't
ya know, like
burst

that's about 33,000 gallons

i looked it up

my street is full
but not like up to my door

33,000 gallons
it's a lot
but
like for perspective
it's less volume than the tank at aquarium

and i don't know if it will be evenly distributed or not
probably not
but
if it all comes out at voss and san felipe
where the bayou is crested a few blocks from me
i don't believe that will be more water than i can deal with

now
if that happens
and
we get more heavy rain
i might flood
which would be bad
but
not life threatening

so
i guess
still safe
although
i don't feel as positive as i probably should

a large influx of dry air
seems to be slowing the rain
I'm gonna take a nap
so I can be up later
when it might rain harder

well, it's good that my mom isn't watching the news

that bayou a few blocks from me
has made news
roughly equivalent to what i saw earlier
near my mom

it's overflowed
people's houses are flooded

it's so close

it's draining off
but
slow

they've been saying all day
if you have a boat
get out and rescue people
if you don't
stay put

if the water is rising in your house
don't stay in the attic
get on the roof

it's gonna be a long couple days

my mom's ok

she lost power a couple hours ago
her neighborhood's ok
there are people on their rooves
being evacuated
on the news
just a few blocks over
which
is worrisome
but consistent with alison


water is not draining very quickly
more is coming
it needs to go down before more comes


her neighbors were driving around
so there can't be too much water
in her neighborhood now
but they couldn't get out
of the neighborhood


the girl who was on the roof
is being interviewed
she's like so cute
she's trying to make sure they check
other houses
because there are a bunch of
"old Jews" in the neighborhood
it's right by an orthodox synagogue
I'm pretty sure that she's Jewish
but not orthodox
and
I somehow
her mixed care and irritation for them
is visible in her voice
that was
a human moment
and she's such a
I started to say teen ager
but
she's probably early twenties

corrections

buffalo bayou
brays (braes) bayou
auto correct changed braes to brass
in the earlier post
and
my mom has water
and a case of wine
and probably some food
as supplies
I checked
but
water hasn't gotten into her house
the other time the brays bayou flooded
I didn't encourage her to buy wine
but she's my designated shopper
so she gets my discount
so
she buys cases of wine


oh
and
the red cross has opened the first shelter
and some independent shelters
are opening as well

crap crap crap

ok
that is buffalo bayou
a part of it
which is what I was afraid of
the water has to drain into the bayou
so
if it's full
like, no drainage
but
it's gonna rain all night


oh
and braes bayou
is apparently spelled brays
according to Wikipedia
could be
everything else in the area
with braes in the name
of whit there is a shit ton
is spelled braes
but
I've only heard brays said
don't think I ever read it


first flooding death reported
she was swept away
and neighbors found her
floating down the street
face down
water was chest high there at that point


I should stop
watching weatherpocalypse
but
I can't

it's drained off

and it's starting again
bayous pretty much all cresting
buffalo bayou and
cyress creek
are at record cresting heights
which, honestly
idk what that means
isn't the top
the top
but
I forgot
there's a bayou near me
it's not one I ever really knew about
I completely forgot
but
idk what it's called
so
I can't really monitor it
😢
it's gonna be a long few days
it's downgraded to tropical storm
but
it's stalled like Alison
and
covering the area
from the coast
to Austin
and west to about san Antonio
a jillion tornadoes
in the outlying burbs


my mom is close to braes bayou
but
it always floods
and
she hasn't
gotten water in her house
it's too late
I don't want to call her
in case she's asleep
I can't get to her
or do anything
so
I'm not sure
whether I'm getting
much sleep tonight

the storm is coming

it's raining
not too hard yet
but the thunder
rolls

i'm going to bed early

I'm exhausted
I'm probably going to work in the morning
but
I'm not risking driving
can't replace car
so
probably taking bus
we'll see
if it's already flooded in the morning
then I'm calling out
but
I don't think it will be


good night sweetheart
I love you

i have supplies laid in

I think I'm ok to go to work today
although
really bad weather headache
tomorrow, I'm not sure
I think flooding is the worst we'll get
but
you never know
if something happens
that knocks out power
or cell phones
don't freak out
I'm probably fine
I love you

i can't deal with the way i look for a picture

but
I love you
have a great day
I'll check in later

words and objects

so
a couple weeks ago i took my car in
and i was going to get it inspected at that same time
only i need the speedometer and odometer to be working
which they do intermittantly
but
which they were not doing that day
now
you can do it like 90 days out
with this whole new one tag thing
which might not be in all states, not sure
but
i don't think it was just a corroded cable/channel/whatever-you-call-it
because it has done that not starting thing a couple more times
so
i think something is failing intermittantly
and eventually it will just fail
non-intermittantly
but
i wanted to go ahead and pass inspection
because i don't want to spend the money to make repairs
and then have it not pass
i wanted to make sure
i'd be able to drive it at least a year
before i ended up buying a new starter
(which is what i think it is)
now
when you have an old car
there always seem to be things that need fixing
when you get an inspection
which always seemed to me to be a little bit fix and a little bit graft

so
this morning
i'm praying
please let my car start
please let the speedometer and odometer work
please let the whole experience be inexpensive and uneventful
i would really appreciate it
so
it started right up, yay
the odometer was working right off, yay
but
the speedometer was not working, crap
it is almost always working when i leave work
i think it has something to do with baking in the heat
but then it's so hot
and i'm so tired
and it's close to their closing time
and i figure that's suboptimal
i figure i'll just drive it around a little and warm it up
so i go around the block a few time
and it starts working
yay

i take it in
they say oh, what year is it
95
oh we have to use the whatever-it's-called machine
it'll take an hour
that's fine i say
not every shop has a whatever-it's-called machine
that was how i found this place, they had one
but
if it's an hour, or three hours
i'm not walking the mile back home in the heat
forget that crap
the guy takes my proof of insurance
(which ends in two days, so i brought the next one
because i'm not sure how that all works
and i'd hate to have to go home to get it
but i really shouldn't need it
and it turns out i don't)
and i give him my keys

like thirty forty minutes later
he comes in
looking very serious
like he's about to tell me the operation didn't go well
and i'm thinking
shit
the breaks are a little soft
just a little, not bad, shouldn't need new pads just yet
but maybe they're gonna tell me i need em
maybe somethin else is bad that i haven't noticed
what is it, how bad is it

so he looks at me
with like the world most serious look, seriously
and he's like
your wiper blades
they must be replaced
they are dry and cracked
(which they are, they totally are
they work fine, but whatever, seriously)
do you have those, i ask
yes
ok, i say, let's do that

that was it
and i don't think they charged me any more than
if i went to an auto supply either

i'm so so happy
now i just have to keep up with the piece of paper until october first
when i can take it to the grocery with the renewal
(which hasn't come yet)
and get the new tag
yay


also
regarding
topics of race and prejudice
i used to work with this woman
who i really didn't like
she was from south carolina originally, i think
by way of georgia
this was a few years ago
she was defending paula dean
saying that no one gets to be that age without saying the N word
now, i'm not sure how old paula dean is
but i was thinking she's like my age-ish
and i'm all like
that's not true
i've never said the N word
and she's like
oh come on, you must have

and i'm like no
when i was in high school my best friend was black
and she was like N this and N that and N please
like constantly
and i said
now
you know it's all fun and games until you desensitize me to that word
and then one day it comes out of my mouth
and you don't like it
so, please
could you not use it around me
and
she thought that made good sense
so she tried

but
now i think back on it
i might be the only little white girl
askin her black friend not to use the N word

my thoughts

why am i getting pictures in my head of the autobahn?

why is he using infrastructure as a redirect?  has he not watched how redirect is done?

why does every expect that he will seriously denounce the alt right when they are his base?

does he live in the same dimension as the rest of the country?  i mean, clearly he's pretty clueless about a lot of stuff, like that all non-whites do not live in the inner-cities, and like how retail is dying, and jobs don't eliminate race issues of any kind and there are more than one kind.


however, it could be a natural progression in this country to take down statues of slave-holding founding fathers.  he says it like:  well, if you take down a statue of robert e. lee or stonewall jackson then the next step is washington-- which is an inflammatory over-simplification--  but it's not completely wrong.


this country was founded, or more accurately, our foundational governmental structure was founded in a racist compromise.  the southern states wanted representation which would put them on a more even footing with the more densely populated north and they hammered out that 3/5ths of a person deal.  now remember that only property holders could vote at all--  we weren't talking about voting or rights--  this was a population thing.  so slaves, who were classified as property, not people, could count as 3/5ths a population unit each.

the founding fathers were flawed.  some of them were slave owners.  we've talked about this.  but what needs to happen, i guess is some big cracking the past wide open thing.  i mean, michelle obama talked about how hard it was to think about this stuff, living in the white house.

i had hoped, since we've had a generation of kid's growing up where the majority of their idols are african american-- i grew up saying black, talking to my black friends saying black and i feel self-conscious and just weird saying african american;  it's is political correctness, to which i am not opposed, but it feels contrived--  that the zeitgeist would have changed more.



that he doesn't seem to see that bringing the country together is in his job description is sad, but hardly startling.  but even if he tried, i do not believe he has the skill set.  he could try though, and he should.

i don't know why police violence against african americans broke through to media attention during obama's watch.  i don't know if the violence got worse through some sort of game theory equilibrium, or backlash, or whether white america was just having a moment where they could hear it.  i mean, maybe the people just said black lives matter enough louder, ya know.  i'm never sure of the reason that things coming to the surface when they do.  i'm just sad that there still has to be argument about it.

i have a facebook friend (who i work with, so i actually know her)  every time someone would say something about black lives matter she would say:  no, all lives matter.  and they would try to explain to her:  yeah yeah, right, but the point is that there are all these things happening and we need to like actually stand up and say black lives matter.  and her response was that it is racist to say black lives matter--  against non-black people presumably.  and i always try to see other people's point of view--  like to a fault, apparently, because i'm thinking about the commercials in the 70s saying so and so says i'm prejudiced daddy, oh really and who is so and so, oh he's my jewish friend, oh well then timmy you are prejudiced.  like any differentiation means prejudice, well, no, that's not what that means at all, but that's where my mind goes trying to make a case for her until i just say NO to myself.  she is either too ignorant to be redeemed, or she is a racist.

and that's where you have to go with him too.  do i think he's a white supremacist?  no, i don't.  do i think he would support or look the other way if it suited his causes?  yes, yes i do.  fundamentally he doesn't think black lives matter.  but i don't think he thinks much more about anyone, except himself.

he is out of touch in the extreme.

he has such wildly inflated beliefs about his own value and abilities that he might block out the sun with his swollen orange head.

he can dish it out,  but he can't even marginally take it.

and he just seems petty and stupid.

it's a pretty low point for the presidency--  enough to make you reconsider nixon.

i find it all extremely depressing.

i am not sure how i got myself on this topic

i was thinking about the windup bird chronicle
thinking i might read it again
so
somehow that led me to youtube
i watch way too much youtube
i really like it
anyway

apparently
the consensus
kafka on the shore is very "magic realism"y
which i wouldn't disagree exactly
but
i mean
i identified with those characters
and some reviewers were making it sound like
it was probably too weird for most people
and that's probably not wrong
but
i didn't like the way it felt
which surprised me a little

then
she was recommending norwegian wood
as being most accessible
and
i know this may make you mad at me
but
i just couldn't get into that book
i was listening to it too
which makes it easier
but
it didn't

someday
i'll read it
but i haven't

but
my feeling is that windup bird
is on the short list of my favorite books

i know i have a paperback copy
but i was thinking that i might not have read it
i might have only listened to it

but
when i looked it up
the audio book has only been out four years or so
so i must have read it first

that made me happy

anyway
the people reviewing it on youtube have a new edition
and i am extremely attracted to the cover
so i ordered another copy
it was on sale for ten bucks on amazon
i almost bought one for my mother too
maybe she'd understand me better if she read something
that i really love
but
then this review made me think maybe not

this is not the cover i'm talking about, by the way

this is the cover i'm attracted to

i can't imagine that my mother wouldn't feel like this about it

but

this solidified my desire to read it again

because

i found it to be mesmerizingly beautiful

and

somehow

more about everything than nothing

now the scene with the stone in the shrine

i'm pretty sure that's in kafka on the shore

and i love that

and some of the themes in windup bird are uncomfortable

but

it's the one of the two books i like better

i once gave my younger younger brother a children's book

i think it was called the bridge

it was by kafka

it looked like magritte, the illustrations

but i don't think it was

this man

he's standing on the edge of an abyss

and he just stretches himself out and becomes a bridge across

i think i may have given jason one too

i was pretty impressed with it

john was maybe eightish or so

i was workin at the book store

he read it

he looks up at me

he says

i don't get it

jason and i both look at him and say

like in unison

what's to get

and

i guess

you could make a big thing about it being a metaphor

but

i don't guess my mind needs that step

like black swan

there are all these youtube videos:

what phychological condition does she have

and it's like

no

you're missing the point

it's about embodiment

maybe i just read alice in wonderland and through the looking glass

too many times

at a formative age

maybe

maybe i'm not quite right in the head

i've never really connected with seinfeld or curb your enthusiasm

they are about nothing

in a kind of genius way

but

i find the characters kind of unpleasant

which doesn't always put me off

but

in those cases, yes

which again

might make you mad at me

but i just don't really like either of those shows that much

i mean

i've watched a bunch of seinfeld

i love the kramer character

but i already loved him from fridays

i guess that's the actor, not the character, but whatever

and i love george

but that's really more jason alexander's interpretation of him i think

but

the situations they get into

i think what's supposed to make them work for you

is that they seem like "everyday" situations

and they don't to me

i don't relate

so

i can see it's genius and all

but it doesn't work for me

windup bird though

does

so

maybe there's something wrong with me

thought you should know

goodnight sweetheart

was running late this morning

can't take a pretty picture though
good morning
hope
you have a swell day
😊🌺👙📻

well, the interwebs seem to have righted themselves

I don't feel as much better as I thought I did last night
but
I got up
I gathered up the trash
and
I took it out
it's trash day
and you have to have it out
by a certain time
but
we only get one a week
so, if you don't put it out
then you're schleppin it to the dumpster
which is not close
so I didn't want to miss it


however, that really seemed
strenuous
which, of course it isn't
I scooped the poor cat's box
which I'm not sure
when I did last
it didn't seem too bad
so maybe I've been doing it
I just don't know
it's like I haven't been
with myself
anyway
that really took it out of me
so I think exercise may be off the table


I am so so thirsty
I want coffee, of course
because it's morning
but I'm out of milk
I needed to go to the store Sunday
milk ran out yesterday
but
I don't even really want it
because I'm so so thirsty
so I'm drinking iced tea
which I made last night before bed
but
I'm hesitant to drink iced tea
in the morning
because when I was a kid it made me vomit
if I drank I in the morning
maybe something to do with the tannins
that's funny
that's one of the few things
which has made me vomit
that never became an avoided item
it was just in the morning
I mean, you wouldn't stop drinking iced tea
that's just crazy talk


I may go back to bed
for a little while
I've been up an hour
but
it seems like a good idea
I have to go back to work
tomorrow
that's gonna suck


I'm gonna have to retrain the cat
he gets food on this alternating schedule
wet food in the morning
dry food when I come home
wet food when I have dinner
half a can and the rest before bed
and some dry if I stay up late
but then he's negotiated treats
if he greets me leaving


and I've just been so out of it
and the times have been so off
that when I've given him wet
he looks up at me and tells me
he's owed some dry too
and i just did it
then too
I've been confused about
when I've fed him
so I'm sure he's gotten extra meals
I'm really not happy
it's like i was a multiple
and just coming back
except
I sort of remember it
so at least I don't have to
Momento it all together
I just know I fucked up


does that happen to you
where you get sick
and your brain stops working right


maybe not
maybe you don't get sick
anyway
I hope this makes you feel loved
that I shared this with you
and not just like
wow
she's a freak
I know it probably wasn't interesting
but
whatever
this is what my last few days have been like

well, now the interwebs seem to be down

using phone
but without home network
hopefully this will right itself
if not it may be a few days
getting back to normal
I planned out a bunch
of stuff to do
for health/spiritual practice
although
I'm not sure if i do the regular stuff
on off days
I was thinking no
but
I don't have enough otherwise
I don't think
but
since I'm still a little
under the weather
probably take it a little easy tomorrow
don't know what that means
probably need the detox


my plan is to do the detox
until I've learned the 8 thingies
and then maybe replace
but
that might take a while
but
I mean, it's only 8
so not forever
I was gonna do tai chi
but
then I realized qigong is taoist
how cool is that
I'm trying to find the exercise I want
for off days
but
it's not more Pilates with her
I find her a little irritating


I hope you're happy with me
I feel a little confused
about the last
at least month
and really
maybe
since April
I mean
yes
but
still, like, huh

i told you before that i wasn't feeling good

well
I ended up not going to work
and
going back to bed
I had a hard time waking up
but my cat was hungry
so
he was pretty persuasive
so I've been up a little while
and I'm trying to decide about tomorrow
because this manager
unless it's her
thinks you should know
the night before
whether you're going to be well enough


I don't feel well enough to do the dishes
which I neglected to do yesterday
and maybe saturday too
there's only one plate
so I'm not sure
but
there seem to be
a lot of bowls
and like every cat dish
but
the idea of standing at the sink
seems like too much


showering and brushing my teeth
was almost too much
but
I don't know what's wrong with me
I don't have flu
I think it's just a cold
but I think of cold as being
mostly about congestion
and this is mostly about
dizziness

i watched a bunch of astrology videos

and
all the stars are aligned for you
you have momentum
you like can't fail
at whatever you try
so
you are supposed to
like allign with whatever you love
and make huge breakthroughs
in your field
this is seriously supposed to be
like the best year
maybe
that you've ever had
from an energetic standpoint


I guess I didn't listen to your yearly
at the beginning of the year
I kinda fade in and out
of the whole caring about astrology thing
but
I was listening to mine
and they were talking about
what a big deal
this solar eclipse was
and
ya know
it's in your sign
so I figured it'd be huge for you
I spent hours and hours
watching astrology videos


I'm supposed to have a big
like watershed year
next year
and then
2020
that's supposed to be
AMAZING


I guess we'll see


I don't know if I believe it
sometimes I think I do
like yesterday
totally
today
less certain
but
if you got time
you should look into it
maybe


I love you
I want you to have
super amazingly good stuff happen

but,if you want to hear a song

that i really hate
although it contains the word blue
which would naturally incline me to like it
and
which i turn the station even quicker than
anything else currently available

this is that song:

while i do like several katy perry songs

I don't like
I kissed a girl
I guess it might be
a generational thing


while jill sobule
was opening up the world
and being a little gross toward men
(I think I can do better)
is such an old marriage contract
mad men generation mentality
at least it was opening up
the world
or maybe contrasting the worlds
like
maybe
men and women
not equal
marriage an institution
whereas two girls can be
equal and can't be an institution


in the current world
two girls can get married
and be under the institutional model
although perhaps not in the same way


and maybe this makes the idea
hey
you're an experiment
I don't know your name
and it does even matter
this is all about me
because everything is, right


I just find it gross
towards women this time
and maybe it's no different
but
it feels different


some of her songs are very
positive
firework and roar
come to mind


maybe
maybe I'm looking at it all wrong
maybe Katy Perry is
like giving girls permission
to be ok with the idea
but
whatever
I think it's gross
and somewhat dehumanizing


but
it's not a big deal
I'm just sayin


with the Bieber song
I just always change the station when it comes on because I don't like it
not because I'm making a statement about him
I don't know him
I couldn't tell you
any other song he's sung
without looking it up
I know people dont like him
but
I'm pretty neutral


it's a good song
I just don't like it


this was just conversation
not
anything you really needed to know

ok, good morning

I have a headache
I don't feel too good
I'm not taking anymore
ugly morning pictures
not today
anyway
I feel like
you don't like it
when I don't take pictures
but
also
not so much
when I look grumpy
I am grumpy
but
not at you