i haven't been getting enough sleep

and I've been falling asleep on the sofa
and then not sleeping well
and
I guess
as a consequence
my pain level is eeking back up
I was going to sleep late
but
when I got up to pee
I almost couldn't stand
which wasn't my legs fault
it was my feet
and
I've had that
off and on
since college
like some kind of planar thing
except
with most people that doesn't go away
but with me it does
anyway
I went back to sleep
and i just got up


wow
happy valentines to me!


I've got stuff I was gonna do
and stuff I need to do
and now I need to add an Epsom salts bath to the list


but
from the extra sleep
the pain level is way down


YAY


I thought about doing this whole
mimosas and fancy breakfast thing
but
probably not, now


I don't know why I'm playing with valentines
this year
I don't usually care
but
this year
it seems fun
and
I've had some trauma
and soul searching
this year already
and I don't know what I really believe
but my life is not the best
and I'm unclear on how to fix it
and
I need extra love right now
so
I'm giving myself valentines
I guess
although
sleeping late
doing laundry
taking a bath
cooking
this is shit I usually do on Sunday


so I'm not sure how I'm moving this to special
but
I AM


I had really weird dreams
that should have been disturbing
I don't think I want to say
out loud
it sounds bad, I think
I don't think it was about you at all
so maybe I can keep the horror story to myself


happy valentines day