i love you

I'm not doing that great
I'm spending the day in bed today
it's better, but not as much better as I'd like


I'm sorry sweetheart
I know you want me to be writing
all this inspiring stuff to you
I know that's what I'm for
but, honestly
I just don't feel good


and I'm having all these negative self talk
ideas and images
so everything I start to write
isn't really what I want to say to you


and
that would be pointless


but
what i want, really
is for you to be happy
but
in a strong, confident, rockstar way
like you are the greatest thing going
and
if I were with you
I'd rather put up with bullshit and have you FEEL POWERFUL
than have you be well behaved
and feel cowed
I don't know why that is in my mind so much
maybe because
I prefer freewilled love
maybe because I don't feel very powerful right now, so it's on my mind