redux

i can't remember most of them
but
i do remember
night before last
i dreamed i had a friend
and she thought she was gonna help me out
or something
so
when i went to sleep
she gave me breast implants

now
A) i don't want breast implants
[like
if i had a double mastectomy
i would not get them]
B) i don't want my breasts bigger
[like seriously
i would kinda like them smaller
but
i would never have them reduced
because
hello
both surgery
and
they fucking remove your nipples
and slap them back on
and then
like maybe
you can feel them
maybe]
C) they hadn't made a small incision
they had cut across my breasts
horizontally
about an inch below the nipples
and sewed them back up
kinda frankenhooker

i found this really upsetting

they aren't really bigger
she pointed out
i guess she was a surgeon
they are just shaped better
and i used saline

holy crap
you used saline
that shit sloshes
if you're gonna disfigure me
can't you at least make me firmer

and
it didn't look like it was gonna heal that well

it was a terrible dream

and
i guess the shoes i've been wearing are slightly flatter
or something
because i've been waking up with leg cramps
and
frankenhooker night
was thigh night

please
when you get to dreamland tonight
please come see me
or
send happy dreams my way

this sucks
and i hate it