a silly little piece about my hair

i've decided something
something that is fairly inconsequential
to everyone else in the world
but
kinda big for me

my hair used to be


that is a phrase you have heard from me

it used to be
this or that
and
my understanding of my beauty
was all tied up with my hair

that was what my father stressed
that is what got me attention from strangers
that was just objectively my thing


but
mostly
it was the color
and
even before i got all weird about
whatever else i've been weird about
i was worried that it was fading


and
what i've decided is this:

i don't care what color it used to be


it is a beautiful color now


i wouldn't want to change it


i wish i could spend some time in the sun
so the highlights would come out

but
otherwise

i'm good