wrestling the angel

i feel compelled to make clear
although i read the book
more than one book, actually
all those years ago
the conclusion:

[and
you must have seen this coming]

yeah, i'm not so much gonna do that stuff

i always wanted religion
in theory
because of my thing with god
but it just seemed all
external
pointless trouble

even now
this stuff i'm doing
it doesn't bring me closer to god
it brings me closer to you
which is silly
you don't do this stuff
it brings me closer to our children
who for some reason need the grounding
that i always wanted
and feel i was better off without

yet

i persist