meta blah blah

am i
in what i am doing here
essentially
some sort of performance artist
i have thought, at various points, that i might be

and i'm not against performance art
i just have feelings about it
like
that the kind of person
who shoves a chain up their vag
pours pig blood over themselves
pulling the chain out
and screaming
about
whatever
that
is a really crappy performance artist
what i like
is someone doing something different
making you think
mostly
things where maybe
you don't immediately think:
ah yes, performance art

the thing about me
with this
is, really
that i'm not doing it publicly
well, i am
but that is a sort of unfortunate reality
not the plan
i would rather only you saw it

i purposely don't tag this stuff
and
i sorta don't want people to read it

but they are
they updated the tools
they don't tell me how many people from each place
and, of course
they might not read it
they may just click on it to see
if it's what they are looking for
and
we're not talking huge numbers
but i have
actually
worldwide clickership

i'm not sure how i feel about that

on the one hand
i don't like it
on the other hand
i find it kinda exciting
on the one foot [no more hands]
i'd rather strangers read it than some of the people
who may, or may not, but i'm pretty sure are
on the other foot
now
a part of me always knows
someone
or some number of people
are probably going to see
and
i really like it better
if it's a maybe
low probability
chance thing


chance




speaking of chance
does it seem to you
in your day to day world
that the amount of synchronicity
is like
on steroids
information
random stuff
stuff that cannot possibly be
anything other than random
seems to be talking to me
that makes me uncomfortable
because i start to worry
that i'm actually crazy

i have
fear
of
the crazy

which interferes
with the beautiful messages from
wherever