i guess it's the holidaze

i am going to try to be low key about this
but
i guess
you might as well know this about me
if you don't already

my mother beeped me on chat
(i didn't even know she knew how)

did you know your brother got married
yeah
i guess i sorta did
what does that mean
are you in contact with your brother or not

he sent me something on myspace
which i didn't get for two months
that said he was getting married, and
if i got this message in the next few days
and could make it
let him know

i sent him back something that said
i guessed it was too late
but
i don't know
he would have called me
or emailed me or something
if it really mattered to him, right
i don't know
i didn't go back to myspace to see if he replied
i just didn't

did you know you had a new nephew
huh
didn't they just get married
the birth was a performance art piece
apparently it's all over the news

yuck


how did you find out that i have a new performance art
e. called me
don't call her that
she made me promise to give you a message
if it's bad news
i don't think i want to hear it
unless somebody's dying

oh, ok, nobody's dead

fine, just tell me
i'm already getting upset

just call me
now please

i call my mother

i'm sure if it were serious
your brother would have contacted you
just tell me what she said
your father just came out of a coma
why was he in a coma
she didn't have any information

didn't she say last year that her kidney's were failing
yes
did she mention that this time
no
so how is she still alive
i don't know

she's just calling because it's the holidays
she has to stir things up
any holiday
gathering
family event
had to have her throwing a fit
i will never forget
on gran gran and paw paw's 40th anniversary
she threw a huge fit about how they'd never loved her
it had to be all about her
do we have any reason to believe her

i'm sure he would have contacted you

well, i'm not sure
check your myspace
i don't want to check my myspace
i can't handle it right now
if there is an archive of
dad's dying where are you
in my inbox

but you've had the same cell phone number for
for fifteen years
yeah
still not sure

and
how is b.b. still alive anyway
he smoked three-and-a-half-packs-of-cigarettes-a-day
for over thirty years
why isn't he dead yet
i don't know

i know i'm going to hell for that
i can't go there
well, i guess i could
and maybe i would if he was asking for me or something
but i don't want to
i haven't had an interaction with him that hasn't made me feel
worse about him
since i can remember
maybe it would make him feel better, or maybe not

now i'm sorry i told you

well, you had to
or you'd have to bear the burden of whether it was right not to
maybe next time
just not right before bed time
i could send you a letter
that's perfect


label it:
missives from the crazy people open at your own risk

only
i guess at christmas time the mail might go too slow
i might not have enough of a window
if it really was critical
but any other time

i never hear from her any other time
right