goodnight baby

i can feel you out there

usually I can't
but
today I do
it's making work
interesting

hi

I did a facial peel last night
and
also
I was running late
this morning
so
I look a little rough
so
no morning picture
but
love you

goodnight sweetheart

i went to see blade runner 2049 tonight

I couldn't do it the other day
it
was
like
poetry


very beautiful
I highly recommend it
I was worried that they'd
fuck it up
but
they didn't

i love you

wow

that last play
made me wish I was still
an Astros fan
and that I had been following them
that I knew who they are
instead
of them being dead to me
and i got no idea
cause
that last play
was awesome


I'm watching at sushi choo choo

the guys building the new shelves fucked up

my supervisor
he's saying
it doesn't fit
we're just gonna have to build it like this
and then
come back and do the whole thing over another night
I'm like
it only took you an hour to build that
why don't you just fix it
it will take me at least 2 hours
to put the wine back on it
I don't want to do that just to have to take it all off again
plus Susan wont like it
yeah, he says
but corporate sent the wrong hardware
it's not my fault
do we have the right hardware
turns out we do
so now it's rebuilt and
we just have to put in shelves
and then I have to put wine back on it
sheesh
no wonder Susan and Dennis dont trust him

well

we have everything off the wall
and the fixtures off
much faster than I thought

i can't sleep any more

I have always been a night person
I did not think staying up
till 5am
was going to be a challenge
often
I can't make myself go to bed
before 3am
so that I only get 3 or 4 hours of sleep
and then have the same problem
the next night


lately, though
I've been extra tired
I've gone to bed maybe three times
in recent memory
at 9:30p
which I used to do when I got up at 3a


now
to sleep 15 hours
is something I'm totally
or I used to be
capable of doing
like
catching up


but
today
I couldn't stay up past 12:45a
then I got up to feed the cat
and pee and such
went back to bed
and
I can't sleep any more
and I've been in the bed
stretching out my back
for like an hour


I have to go to work
and 9pm
and work until at least 5am
but possibly 9am
if we aren't finished
we have to tear out fixturing
and rebuild the wall
this is not something
I am particularly good at
but
I'm required to be there
and it will be WORK
I really wanted
to be doing this
rested
it'd be different
if it was something creative


anyway
I hope everything is good with you
I'm all shifted around
and feeling weird
I probably should wait
till 6 or 7 to have coffee
but
I'm probably not
going to wait


I love you

I need to stay up
but I'm way too tired
I'm going to bed
I need to sleep until
at least 5pm
but I'm sure I can't


i love you

i also had work dreams

I've been having
a lot
of Starbucks like dreams
oh
and I think I was taking a test too
sheesh
so much stress


but
on a more positive note
I've been watching
a series
I think is one of the best things
I've seen on television
really good
it's called TURN
I think you'd like it


I have to work an overnight
on Thursday
and I have to work Wednesday
but
then I'm off Friday
I think I'm gonna go see
blade runner
I've been looking forward to that
for a long time


I hope your day is good

when i was in college

I had a conversation with my step-father
about flag burning
and
he said
you have the right to burn the flag
if you douse yourself in gasoline
with the flag wrapped around you
and then set yourself on fire
and I answered him
so
the symbol itself
is more important
than everything it represents?


and years later
he recalled the conversation
for some reason
talking about my politics
I think
and
I said
I remember that conversation
very well
it was the day
you told me
a piece of cloth
was worth more than my life


I made him cry

good morning

I love you

dude, i live in an open carry state

although
i never see anyone with a gun
but
i don't get around much

i went to the bank
and they had this sign on the door
you can't bring a bladed weapon over 5.5 inches onto these premises

i went in
i said
i saw the sign on the door
and i was wondering if we could change that to any weapon
because
even if we are talking knives
five and a half inches is plenty big enough to kill me

and they're like
that's to do with the new law

yeah, i say, i figured
the one where we can carry swords

that's right, they say, that's the one

right
well
that doesn't make any sense to me
who is lobbying to carry swords
why does anyone even think they need to carry a sword

but
regardless
couldn't the sign say NO weapons

but they just mumbled
about new signage coming
temporary sign
the bank
will remain
a free range zone
for guns and all bladed weapons
as long as they are under five and a half inches

this makes less sense to me
than the fact that i can now legally walk around
like a character in kill bill

ok, look

I can't handle the extra stress
of metaphor
I love you
I'm a little upset
I'm not feeling talkative
but
yes
to the thing you might be wondering
if
you are wondering
what I think you are
wondering
which
might not be what
you're wondering
in which case
no
hope that clears everything up
see
I'm a girl
afterall

i'm not much of a morning person

I tend to wander around
in a fog
for quite a while
but
I wish
today
I could stay in bed with you
drinking coffee
listening to music
or something
easing into the day


I love you sweetheart

i wish

you and I
were
somewhere cozy
under covers, maybe
somewhere with a chill in the air


I'm not even thinking
particularly
about
ya know
but
about
nearness
and
touching
and full body hugs

very strange things

last night
it was like I was being abducted by space aliens
I was trying to research fermented skin care
so I was watching YouTube
and
I kept nodding off I guess
but
I didn't have any awareness
of the nodding off
just
losing time
I'd be watching a vid on serums
and I have the AutoPlay enabled
so I'd wake up to eye creams
but not realized I'd been asleep
it was very disorienting


then I dreamed
this giant map
that had many small salient facts
from the life of my grand parents
with some heritage society type
explaining it all to me


and then
I dreamed about the freeway
I haven't dreamed about the freeway
for idk how long
there was a new on ramp
which was going to make
everything better
but
as I reached the top
I wasn't sure
whether to go left or right
and it was so high up
I clung to the freeway
feeling like i might fall away
to the left
there was a multi car pile-up
to the right
it stretched out
forever
without any exit in sight
and
I panicked
that is not
an experience
I usually have on the freeway

i had forgotten, but i remembered

last night
or this morning more likely
i dreamed
i was working for starbucks
and they were redoing all the stores
to look like mid-century modern ski chalets
with wooded outdoor seating in the back
and the one i was at
we were doing up the back
with christmas trees
and fake snow
that was kinda like fluffy glitter
and
we made a snow road
up the middle
and someone
was riding a motorcycle
down the middle of the glittery snow road
why
i don't know


i sleep late
i stay up late
i can't seem to help myself
i really wanna be a night person
headache all day
plus
thinkin about the hurricanes
global warming doesn't cause them
but it does make them worse
so
hurricanes
and forest fires
and earthquakes
and asteroids
it's a good thing i am not the type to obsess about disaster

goodnight sweetheart
or
probably
good morning when you read this
i gotta go sleep fast
gotta be up in four hours