goodnight sweetheart 💋
I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶
👾🫚🍀🔥❤️
Sunday, July 13, 2025
AND
I guess
I THOUGHT
ALL of THAT
was something that you could just intuit from all the transformation and healing talk
SO
MAYBE
the
EMPRESS & DEATH
is ABOUT
CONNECTING
in a MORE
MANIFESTED
WAY
I just fixated on the part
I didn't DO right
I guess
I FEEL like
she was supposed to be
KINDA a "big sister" role model
type could be friend
&
rather than let it go
I wanted to
UNDERSTAND
what the
WEIRD
energy thing MEANT
ALSO
I think I had to catch up
I FEEL like
I USED
to process
MORE
real-time
BUT
life changing
your painting
is beautiful
& the expression
& color work
IMPRESS me
I am never sure if I really make clear
HOW much
I love your artistic
WORK
or
the artistry of your
CREATIVE work
ACROSS genre
BUT
I have been processing my
EXPERIENCES
& there were
a LOT
of bits
that were
CHALLENGING in the MOMENT
BUT
EVERYTHING
was
FUN
I had FUN
WOW
I asked
a third time
& it's
the TOWER
AGAIN
is it
POSSIBLE
that she was wanting
YOU
& I stepped on THAT
I'm REACHING here
BUT
I'm LIKE
OK OK the TOWER
I GET it
BUT
can you make that any
CLEARER
& it gave me
the SUN
& the knight of CUPS
I MEAN
it's NOT really
my business, I'm just trying to figure out
IF I just didn't
LIKE her
OR
if there was SOME
MORE
SUBTLE thing
I'm supposed to be
GLEANING
I get STUCK on things
I don't understand
I want to
UNDERSTAND
& SOMETIMES
that's not realistic
I can tell you
that music teacher
she works with neurodivergent kids
all the time
did you SEE how she rescued ME
& I personally think
SHE slightly
STRONG ARMED
spit it out girl
into coming at ALL
BECAUSE she believes in her
SO STRONGLY
remodel guy
is a BETTER person
in proximity to
his MOTHER who
DID
SOMEHOW
seem similar to me
although I
can't explain
HOW
doug & Lisa
are BOTH fundamentally
KIND & insecure
french horn guy
I bet you
FIFTY BUCKS
ends up
SURPRISING us SOMEHOW
he's planned out a life
that WORKS on PAPER
it's LOGICAL
& RESPONSIBLE
& COVERS his ASS
BUT
HE is QUIRKY
& he's NOT
PLANNING to actually
LIVE
that life
this is the kinda stuff going on in the background
I can't shut this off
I'm still trying to figure out
if there's something to
LEARN
from my negative magnet with huddleston blues
I have this
ONLINE
TAROT
it's not an app, it's old school online
which is TINY
& a pain in the ass to SEE
BUT
SOMETIMES
it WORKS
BETTER
& I ASKED
& I got the
TOWER
TWICE in a ROW
SO
MAYBE
she's going THROUGH some
internal restructuring
that it would be
BETTER
for everybody
if I didn't
DIP
my ENERGY into?
I listened to a few more songs
& I'm NOT sure
that the
TOO SIMILAR hypothesis
HOLDS WATER
Saturday, July 12, 2025
Friday, July 11, 2025
I'm THINKING about
the churango
I LIKE
that it SEEMS like
you COULD
PLAY
it
SIMILARLY to ukulele
OR you COULD
NOT
BUT
it's got
MORE of that
RINGING -- droning -- DREAMY
SOUND
MAYBE
it is REACHING TOO far
BUT
MAYBE if I got the WEIRD instrument
BUT
the extra strings
I'm not YET sure
I can HANDLE the four
& I'm telling myself
it's REALLY
ONLY
ONE
EXTRA
because you PLAY the TWO as ONE
BUT
MAYBE
I'm just trying to be
EXTRA
ALSO
I'm not SURE that I generally
LOVE andean music
would it be
DISRESPECTFUL
I am with my mom today
I probably should respond to my brother at some point
I KEEP getting
the EMPRESS & DEATH
SO
I LOOKED at
what OTHER people
SAY it
MEANS
AND
it all about
REBIRTH
& TRANSFORMATION
CREATIVE development
BUT
when I ASKED
BEFORE
I came home
what are my
NEXT STEPS
it gave me this
VERY OBVIOUS message
that I'm not EXACTLY sure
HOW to interpret
it was
DICHOTOMY
three of swords & three of cups
AND
three more of those
& I'm LIKE
THIS
has GOT to be
SOMETHING like
DECIDE what YOU want
OR
SET the PARAMETERS for your WORLD
OR
ANYTHING you WANT
OR
EVERYTHING is AVAILABLE to you
OR
SOMETHING
when I had ASKED the universe
WHAT I NEEDED to KNOW
& the gummy had just
HIT
& I had this
NANOsecond of FEAR
& I was LIKE
WOW
I haven't had
ANY
trouble
with these before
& BEFORE
ANY KIND of EXISTENTIAL DREAD
could take hold
I GET
YOU'VE COME THROUGH
the SHAMANIC initiation process is
OVER*
& he's NOT gonna STOP loving you
& I CRIED & CRIED
BUT
in a GOOD
WAY
*which I'm not trying to think is about you or us exactly, but maybe the whole going down underground and being torn apart and reFORMed -- if you follow
SO
MAYBE
DIRECTIONS say
GO ANYWHERE
Thursday, July 10, 2025
I DREAMED
I was on a couch
I was
YOUNGER
YOU
looked like
BOBBY VEE
it was DARK though
& we
KISSED
it was different than the LAST time
I dreamed of
KISSING you
it wasn't
the tentative
WELL
it was still a little tentative
I guess
BUT
less TENTATIVE and
MORE
EXPLORATORY
TONGUE TEXTURE
ANGLES
BUT
GOOD
AND
there was
MORE
KINDA
everyday STUFF with
MOSTLY
just existing in the
WORLD
differently
WHICH
I can't
EXPLAIN
OR
remember DETAILS
BUT
it FELT
important
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