i can't believe i just watched this

ok

this is not my usual post

i saw a pop up ad for tree free toilet paper

i got excited

it was on a monthly delivery service

that seemed cool

but

i have pretty specific criteria for toilet paper

so i did

what i am now shaking my head about

i looked for toilet paper reviews on youtube

yes

i did that

and

apparently

i'm sharing

lucky you

i may have nightmares from this video

well, probably not

but the pudding thing was pretty bad

definitely worse than the

squatty potty soft serve unicorn rainbow poo

or

the charmin shiny hiney song radio ad

or

the poo pouri commercial where she's over for holiday dinner

i have found all of these

not offensive, exactly

but an offense to my sensibilities

i don't like hearing about shitting, apparently

but

toilet paper

seemed less dangerous

and review seemed like, safe somehow

and it was fine and great--  except the pudding part

yeesh

and

so

i'm gonna tell you something

random

that you didn't need to know about me

i have two rules for toilet paper

i don't really care if it's soft

i mean

all things being equal

i'd prefer soft

but

all things are not equal

soft is definitely correlated with my two deal breaking nos

i do not

want the toilet paper to fall apart

i want to be able to trust

with some reasonable amount of sheets

that my finger will not go through the toilet paper

that's #2, actually

#1

i do not want little fibers

bits of toilet paper

toilet paper lint

i can't stand that

so

i typically go with the 1000 sheet kind

because it does not leave lint

but i have been buying

a store brand

for years

that is similar to 1000 sheet

except two ply

with some texture

which

i actively loved

but now

they've changed it

it's softer

and

i hate it now--  lint