bed&vreakfast, damn it!

i was reading july, july  and i didn't get it.  now that's not terribly unusual for me, the not getting it, with things that other people like and "get" and understand.  i didn't go to my high school reunion--  not 10, not 20, not 30 (if they had a 30).  for my 10 year, i said i wasn't going and a friend of mine asked me why.  why should i want to?  i asked.  it's not like i have stuff i want to show off.  i could go with you and tell them i'm your husband, he offered.  wow, i thought, that's what you think i'd want to show off?!  i had meant like, ya know, i wasn't famous yet.

these july, july people, they seemed to just be the embodiment of regret and backward looking-ness, and i couldn't like them.  even now, when i think i'm about the age they were, i still think, somehow, that my best days are ahead of me.  or, realistically, that there might not be any good days--  maybe good days are a trap, somehow.  i wouldn't go back to high school.  not if you paid me.  i liked college, a lot, but i don't think i'd want to go back.  if there's any time i might be tempted to go back to it's the time i spent travelling around.  and really, i don't want to go back, i want to go forward.


patagonia.
patagonia, arizona.
is a small town in southern arizona, not too far from the mexican border.  it's a bird watcher's paradise, so i'm told, and it's close to other cool places to check out like tombstone and bisbee.  driving out there was my first look at texas canyon, and the drive on highway 83 from the 10 to patagonia was really beautiful to me.  in fact, there's this juncture where one way takes you to patagonia (which is like northern exposure, but like, ya know, southern exposure), another way takes you to tombstone (which is like a wild west movie set, kinda), and the other takes you to bisbee (an amazing little artist colony which is some kind of technicolor vision that seems like oz, something--  i was going to say brigadoon but that seemed like mixing metaphors somehow--  it just doesn't seem like it could really exist)

anyway, i had to find the black dove.  and this was still when everything had deep symbolic meaning.  but it was a little house with an added guest house kind of thing.  and i was in the guest house kind of thing.  i met the woman who ran the bed and breakfast and her husband.  i had booked it for two people because i naively thought he might be joining me and i didn't want to defraud the b&b.  is your friend coming tonight?  they asked.  well, actually i don't know that he's coming at all, i said, maybe.  they looked at me.  you'll find the one, the woman said, you'll find a good man who will do work around the house and be a real help to you, she said, looking approvingly at her mate.  wow, i thought, that's really what you think i want?  i wanted somebody to play with, somebody fun and inspiring.

whatever.  i put a box of black licorice in the window so that if he showed up he'd know he was in the right place, and then i went "to town".  i put town in air quotes because it's hard for me to think of a place that small as going to town--  it is really just a few businesses--  but i'm probably skewed by coming from a big city.  there was a cute little grocery, not a health food store--  if there had been a health food store i probably would have gone there.  i bought groceries.  as though it were serious business.  i got eggs and big cans of those awesome green chiles that come in the bright yellow packaging.  i got coffee.  i don't know what all i bought.  staples, i bought staples, like i was stocking the pantry for our home.  for some reason i bought a giant (truly giant) bag of mixed raspberries and blackberries.  i think i spent $125, seriously.  i was not staying long enough to eat $125 worth of food, and apparently i was not planning to eat out at all.  i think i just got carried away at the idea of cooking for him, if he showed up, which i really didn't expect that he would.  i can't really explain what i was thinking.

i put the groceries away.  the husband came and asked me if i was having breakfast the next morning and i said i thought i was and he told me what time it was.  i walked around the property a bit and then i went to the cafe.  they had internet and, of course, it wasn't smart phones then so i had to have my laptop and find the internet access.  i couldn't make something work and, i remember, i actually called my mother and made her log on and read me something--  that's how seriously i took all this social media back then.

i stayed up late because i always stay up late.  and i could not make myself wake up in the morning.  then there was banging on the door.  wtf.  i got up and staggered to the door, opened it a bit sticking my face out.  it was the husband.  you're late for breakfast!

this took me a little aback.  i'm on vacation.  he was banging on the door, waking me up to tell me about breakfast?!  my experience with bed & breakfasts had been:  they cook breakfast and if you want it you come and get some, like a buffet kind of thing, ya know.  yeah, i overslept, i said, i think i'm just gonna skip it.

no, he says forcefully.  she made an effort to make you breakfast and you are going to come eat it.

again wtf?!  but he was deadly serious.  he looked like he might beat the crap out of me if i didn't get my ass in there right that moment.  man, i haven't had a shower.  he looked unmoved.  ok, give me a minute to get dressed.  it would have been nice if you had explained the situation more completely yesterday.  i will not be wanting breakfast the rest of my stay here, understand.  i threw on my clothes from yesterday and went into the main house to sit at a round table just outside the kitchen.  there were eggs scrambled with cheese and a muffin split open and buttered.  it was greasier than i would have preferred.  i felt unclean and uncomfortable.  she sat down and made small talk.  as a ring of hell it was pretty mild.  then she went on to explain how her mate, the one i should aspire to get one like, apparently, was just very protective of her and hadn't meant to snap at me like that--  clearly i just hadn't understood the situation.  uh huh.

then i went back to my room to brush my teeth and take a shower.  she had left tiny sample size regenerist serum with a note about how great it was on the bathroom sink.  really?  that's what you think i want to start with a new drugstore serum on my vacation?  i mean, maybe it's great but i don't want that crap, and it just felt like weird and intrusive, somehow.  then i go to take the shower and there is no hot water.

this i think is funny.  the universe is telling me to take a cold shower.  he is definitely not coming.