so i had all this stuff i wanted to discuss
but then i wasn't sure where to start
and now
now i'm not sure i remember all of it
i'm having feels about the whole BK thing
like idk how to explain
i was watching the circus
and this woman was screaming and crying at flake
are you telling me you don't care about what happened to me
are you telling all women that
and
i lost it a little
i feel very strongly
that BK is a raper
there isn't really enough "evidence"
but, there is, ya know
i understand that feinstein's timing had political motivations
and i'm not opposed to that
but
it seems to muddy the water a bit
and then these fucks are jumping on that and saying
it's all made up
which they would say anyway
but
there is an underlying trauma
i'm feeling
i was at work
and i was not quite wishing tha a bunch of male senators would get raped
not quite
but
and
i've been unwrapping a pallet of christmas ornaments
because christmas starts next week
but
i haven't been upset about it
i'm practically volunteering
and today at work
i looked down
and there is glitter everywhere
and i stretched out my arms
just to stretch, ya know
and
i could feel prickling rain on my arms
and i had a whole swirl of emotions that i don't even understand
and that girl
who got the other job
and then has been trying to come back
she quit today
and came in crying looking for dennis
and he has to hire people for christmas
i don't see how he can not hire her
unless he's gonna say:
i don't want your drama
and i just don't know
they didn't let her go at her 90 day
like i expected they would
but
they didn't give her the salaried position with insurance that she was expecting
they just kept her on hourly
so
the job turns out to be fifty cents more
and misery
and it turns out this sunday is my hair cut day
every year for the last three or four years
i've been getting my hair cut at the breast cancer cure event
it raises money for breast cancer
and it's a discounted haircut
and
i haven't been very happy with the haircuts
or the few i've gotten on different days at the ulta
because i always think they cut my hair like a soccer mom
and i hate that
but
i can't afford the caliber of stylist that i quite frankly need
and while i pulled off fairly elaborate big hair
without heat tools
and with only health food store styling products
i'm not working with that level of raw materials
i've been craving that buzz cut back of the head
that feels so good to run your hands over
but
i don't think i can pull that look off any more
and
i don't want to turn you off
maybe you want me to have my hair a certain way
i'm not clear on that
it's hot
and in the way
and a constant source of disappointment to me
i've got hair
it's ok
i've got no right to complain
but
i don't enjoy my hair anymore
and i have this idea in my head
that wigs are the answer to hair drama
i never permed or colored my hair
except for highlights
and
one time i put a henna rinse on it in 97
and one time i dyed it blonde
to try to get the henna (which was more red red) out
my hair used to be so strong
i could take a strand of hair that had fallen out
and pull it and pull it and watch the stretch and strength
until finally enough pressure would break it
now i pull the strand of hair
and as soon as it gets taught
it snaps
do you think i could pull this off with my bio hair?
probably there was more
but i can't remember
sleep tight sweetheart, i love you
