to get them colored lights a flashin

i'm not writing this like a story
it might turn into a story
but
right now it's a sketch
and
i'm talking about my experience of sketching as well


so
i got this image
of us in a bed with neon flashing
reflecting on the walls
glowing, slightly surreal
very pretty
and my first thought was a hotel room
but
then
i thought no, that's not what it is at all

there's this image
romantic image in my head that is dying to get used
it comes originally from the movie cousins

{i can't find a reference picture
and i don't really remember what it looks like}

but the idea is that you look out the window
and there is this amazing piece of art
but even if you aren't looking out at it
the light spills in and colors the world

the down side, i guess, being that it's never dark
but the plus side
it creates an artistic, surreal, overwhelming nature element

so
we're in this bed, now
and rather than being some seedy hotel room
it's our home
and i like that better
or
maybe it's my home
and you're there for the first time
that works too

i have this thing about the dark
it has taken me most of my life to be comfortable
sleeping in the complete darkness
 i have what used to be called an over-active imagination
and i will scare myself pretty easily
sometimes when i'm staying in an hotel
i leave so much light on that i almost can't sleep

and now that i've gotten used to it
i sleep so much deeper if it's totally dark
that i'm slightly irritated that my new oscillating fan has a glowing on button
it's like a night light
i used to have to take my phone as a flash light
when i would wake up in the night to pee
now
between that and the one fluorescent bulb light i leave
continually burning in the living room
i can see to walk anywhere, any time


so
it's warm
maybe a little warmer than would be comfortable
but there's a fan going
moving the air around
and the lights are flashing through the window
no other lights
the sheets are cool
i love the feel of cool sheets

when i was a kid i always slept on my stomach
i would get into bed
and the tops of my feet would be against the sheet
and i would rub them back and forth like a windshield wiper
that feeling
so cool, so comforting
i don't ever sleep on my stomach now
but every once in awhile i roll over so i can feel that, ya know
do you have anything like that


sheets, cool
and i'm thinking not a lot of blankets to weigh things down
but maybe one at the foot of the bed
just in case something gets cold later
when i sleep
my body temperature tends to drop
so
sometimes even if it's hot
i might get cold

and i'm picturing us under the sheets
not much visible
not from any sense of modesty
but rather
slower exploration
you might even be wearing pajamas
so there's something to impede exploration
make it more challenging
more exploratory

because, clearly, it's not about fast

i'm picturing kissing
and
touching
not so much in a childish or teen aged awkwardness--  not that
more like
not informed by previous experience
completely new
and not ends driven

now this is somewhat unusual for me
i seem to remember pushing towards climax
almost relentlessly
like even if there had been many
and were going to be many more
that was the thing, ya know

so i feel somewhat hypocritical
imagining this scenario where these two people are in this crystal bubble
exploring the feeling of kissing as though that was the entire experience
to get every last drop from that before escalating to anything higher

i'm not sure i'm capable
but
i'm picturing something crazy
something where fourteen years of waiting for the first kiss makes some kind of
poetic crazy beautiful performance piece
of the actual kissing
where the rest of my life
might not be long enough


omg
i just realized
i have no idea what the music is
very very important


ok
that's enough to get an image
must find music