chair

there was a CHAIR in the lobby

of my university library 

it was kind of an

EGG chair

OVER sized, though

so if I sat in it cross-legged 

I could ONLY be seen

if you were looking at me head on

this always made me more at ease 

ALL through my CHILDHOOD 

I had this IRRATIONAL --

-- and I KNEW it was irrational AT the TIME --

FEAR

of being 

SHOT

-- though STRONGEST if I had my back to a WINDOW --

that CHAIR was BROWN leather

OLD enough 

that they changed all THOSE chairs

BEFORE I EVEN graduated 

ONE DAY

I realized that it could tip backwards slightly 

which I hadn't expected 

it was CONNECTED 

to the 

FLOOR 

AFTER THAT 

I took naps in it

I was working m,w,f,s,s from 4p-midnight

LATER actually because we had to

CLEAN & stuff 

& I had classes t,th. starting at 8:30a

I don't know how many times I took naps in 

that CHAIR 

probably FEWER than 

you're 

IMAGINING 

from my description 

because I've never 

been a ROUTINE 

girlie

BUT 

I THINK 

THAT 

was my 

FAVORITE 

CHAIR 

good morning

I have this 

MASHUP

OHTANI & caitlin clark 

stuck in my HEAD 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 

looking for my wave

I'm going to sleep 

I think I need 

MORE 

DREAMING 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm sorry I'm not very TALK-Y 

I don't want that to seem

WEIRD 

it's just 

ANYTHING 

I could say

RIGHT NOW 

is probably bullsh*t

because my mind is like a tangled string of lights

or a bunch of chains

or extension cords 

& to tease the

STORY out of it REQUIRES

MORE 

than just pulling a bit of a single string of lights

& "starting there"

it isn't a desire to avoid you

THAT is NOT 

ANY part of my problem 

HOWEVER 

I DO have the distinct impression 

that if I do things

when I do not have the capacity to do them

that leads to bad outcomes 

& I am having some kind of identity crisis 

& THAT is not all that I'm having trouble with 

SO

PLEASE 

KNOW that I LOVE you 

& I'm trying to get 

myself sorted

YOU 

are 

MAGIC 

daylight savings time

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

I miss using emojis 

which is strange 

I always seem to stay up super late

when the time changes 

so I never get any extra sleep 

& I have no explanation for that 

I'm going to sleep now 

I'm hoping to 

DREAM

about

YOU 

<3

just WOW

that was

MAYBE the BEST

world series I've ever seen 

I am SO happy for the dodgers 

BUT 

SO sad for the blue jays 

they were so good

& played

SO HARD

AMAZING 

FIGHT 

BASEBALL WON, really 

the blue jays probably don't feel that way

not right now 

you are MAGIC

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

I guess I'm having some 

OVERWHELM 

issues 

BUT 

I'm trying to work it out 

processing again, I guess

I've got a lot of stuff going on in my HEAD 

& I don't understand it well enough to articulate it 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I have to sleep 

I want to dream things that will help me 

SORT it all out

I think I agree with TK about the uniforms but I like that batting hermet

it's LIKE 

BASEBALL is a 

zip file

or

SOMETHING 

I'm feeling less sh*tty, but still a little out of it

I wrote that hours ago 

I guess now I'm going to have to remember 

to check that toggle

I guess once

you accidentally switch it

you can't switch it back

I'm having challenges with life today

I'm not sure how I'm doing 

I'm having 

ANXIETY today 

I had to "deal" with figuring out my mom's 

inspection/registration sticker

I feel exhausted 

& I want to throw & break sh*t

BUT 

that doesn't make SENSE 

I am sick of myself 

& that's not 

NORMAL

for me

I'm sorry I just feel like I'm not good company

I'm definitely off VIBE

I feel like I'm running around screaming 

rending my clothes & pulling out my hair

(except, not really, because I'm not in any pain)

I ALSO feel like 

I might fall over & pass out 

WTF

explaining user error

I think I may have

"scheduled" those posts

SOME of them 

are in a scheduled folder

NOT 

unfortunately 

the LONG

personally meaningful one

about this baseball series 

& how it has

OPENED me back up to baseball 

after a long period of 

being somewhat

disillusioned 

with

change in baseball 

I will have to re-write that one I guess 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

testing one two three

it might be user error 

I had another one 

DISAPPEAR 

as soon as I posted it 

I'm not sure what is up

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

goodnight 

strange things a foot

there are like two or three

POSTS

MISSING 

from yesterday 

MAYBE 

it's the emojis 

???

good morning sweetheart 

NO EMOJIS 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 

NO EMOJIS 

it was like a journey

I MEAN 

THAT 

was

EPIC 

I gotta sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

🫶🫶🫶

they're running out of pitching

WELL

now it's looking like 

17 innings

5-7

OR 

7-5

MAYBE 

nail biting

WHEW

& we go to extra innings

Shohei HUSTLE Ohtani 

is OUT 

BUT 

come on 

Kirk's back up

WOW again

I hope you are watching this

it's a GOOD game 

JUST WOW

fun

this is SO FUN