I didn't tell you 

the strange 

PART

about the goldfish dream

YOU 

we're in a structure 

and the tanks

we're

IN

the structure of the walls

LIKE 

WALL studs -- or whatever you actually call that

& then TANK in where the dry wall would be 

LIKE 

you were in a house

of living

moving

GOLD

I'm dehydrated 

I SHOULD be hungry 

BUT 

SUPER MEGA ick

on food

SO

I'm having some 

LAIRD maca latte

& I'll have some tea

& some water

IF

THAT 

makes food seem less icky

I'll have some 

BUT 

at least I'll get some calories and MCTs

I DREAMED 

I talked to and hugged 

MARILYN MONROE 

she was older

than she was when she died

& I was younger than I am

I told her

I had grown up

watching her

in my grandparents theater

I meant STAGE theater

NOT FILM

& that her

DIGNITY and GRACE

& the kindness

she had always 

addressed to the kids

had been a huge

INSPIRATION 

to me

she was holding her face

in a weird way

to keep

from having visible expressions 

while still seeming

to HAVE 

an enigmatic inscrutable expression 

& she pulled me in

for a slightly stiff side hug

ALMOST as if

EVERYTHING HURT

& she gave me a little smile

thanks honey

it was

ALTERNATE universe 

SOMEHOW 

BUT 

POWERFUL 

I felt like I was getting 

SICK

SO

I took NyQuil and went back to sleep 

I DREAMED 

you had all these

TANKS

GOLDFISH 

EVERYWHERE 

& I have 

REMEMBERED 

the whole rest of the sleeping day

when I saw it

I thought 

he's gonna get 

SO MUCH 

money

& LUCK

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I'm going back to sleep 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

SO

THIS is what I DID 

I WANT 

that quasar 

I don't speak Spanish 

& the subtitles 

we're ALSO in Spanish 

BUT 

I'm pretty sure 

WHAT they said WAS 

THIS is a 

charango 

designed for extra emotive playing

it's a concert charango 

& I don't really NEED that, probably 

it is ALSO black 

SO

it might be just

ego/individual/want

HARD to KNOW 

SO

what I did

I made an offer

seventeen percent off

if they

ACCEPT 

I'm taking it as a SIGN 

although seventeen percent is 

my STANDARD haggle 

I figure 

if ya got a store

& ya do sales

at all

that's probably not going to 

OFFEND

I don't MEAN I go into stores and haggle 

I'm talking about 

within the 

MAKE

AN

OFFER 

framework 

if they COUNTER with

THREE percent 

I'm ALSO 

taking

it as

a SIGN

any other outcome 

CASE by CASE

I need to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶 🫶 🫶 

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

I THINK the

VIBE 

I'm going for with those

PAINTINGS

is

VAGUELY alien

pictogram

LIKE 

rock painting 

my mom

is

exhausting

to ME

she LIKES to 

tell me "helpful things"

POSSIBLY 

because she has no conversational skills

POSSIBLY 

because she KNOWS it irritates me

POSSIBLY 

because she THINKS I'm mentally challenged 

POSSIBLY 

because it lets her IMAGINE 

that she is

WISE

& a CONSTANT 

SOURCE

of SUCCOUR 

THEN

when she GETS me irritated 

she turns it around 

STARTS a FIGHT 

WHEN 

did I GO from

KNOWING EVERYTHING 

to knowing NOTHING 

I don't know...

I don't THINK you EVER

KNEW everything 

& I GUESS 

YOU 

are the one saying you know nothing NOW 

BECAUSE 

I didn't say it

BUT 

I guess I said I had a headache 

SO

WHAT BETTER TIME 

to START a 

FIGHT, huh

she f*CKing

SMILED

at me

WELL 

there IS a trick 

to the DIDGERIDOO 

it's not JUST 

do a raspberry 

you need a certain amount of air FLOW 

& a certain amount of NOISE

& to be SOME

SPECIFIC 

distance from the 

HOLE

SO

PLENTY to 

FIGURE out 

BUT 

it's HERE 

& it's 

a VERY manageable 

SIZE

I worked on this at the open studio, but NOW I was LIKE 

TOO much 

gotta COOL it 

DOWN 

these I'm just starting 

BUT 

I'm going for

TEXTURE 

I should sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶 goodnight 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

I don't need to

EXPLAIN 

little red-headed girl 

DO I

she works there

because 

she

LOVES

all the stuff 

I was LOOKING at the stuff

BUT 

PLAYING 

we're BOTH playing with the cool toys

& we both JUST 

it SOUNDS dumb

NOW

a little red-headed girl 

is kinda off in her

own world

&

it's just

FUN

to catch the VIBE 

with somebody else 

it's 

OK

here's a bit that MIGHT make SENSE 

I was paying with a 

CREDIT 

CARD

&

it wasn't going through 

she was pretty

SURE 

she was doing it right 

when I came in

the owner 

went ACROSS the WAY for lunch

& was LIKE 

if you have a problem 

CALL me 

SO

she called her

& she WAS doing it

RIGHT 

it JUST NEEDED for

me to humble myself and ASK

NOW it's WORKING 

FINE 

not like oh wow as me

LIKE 

oh, of course 

when I was in that

SIMPLY NOURISHED 

I was in there

for a while 

& the person working 

was pleased forgive the apparent incorrectness 

a cute little red-headed girl

she's ACTUALLY 

a grown woman who's married 

with three children who teaches school 

& works in a shop in the SUMMER 

BUT 

game recognize game

OR

SOMETHING 

we had FUN and she KEPT saying 

you're LETTING me get SO MUCH practice 

SO 

I signed up for the newsletter 

and it's FUN too

I joined their

store card thingy

I heard an old guy in the bookstore 

he GOES THERE every week 

to GET his FERMENTS

they're getting 

a store where you can get stuff

RE-FILLED 

I JUST 

WATCHED 

a video 

it's got FIVE chairs

&it says 

PICK your 

CHAIR

AND

I'm LIKE 

I actually like 

ALL those CHAIRS 

AM I picking a CHAIR to LOOK at 

OR 

a CHAIR to SIT on

AM I PICKING 

WHICH one 

I ENJOY 

RIGHT NOW 

or

the ONE chair

FOR

OPTIMAL minimalism

I DECIDED 

I was

PICKING

if you could

HAVE

ANY

of

these chairs, here take it

I DECIDED 

I would 

TAKE the chair

that would be the most satisfying to me

AS a CHAIR 

NOT 

the aesthetic experience 

I picked chair FIVE

because I 

LIKE 

to SIT forward

& that's 

the ONLY chair that lets you do that 

it's 

ERGONOMIC 

& it the WARRIOR chair

& I was BOTH surprised & not at all surprised 

I DREAMED about

I'm not sure 

HOW to

EXPLAIN 

there was

a MUSICAL instrument 

BUT 

it wasn't exactly 

it was ALIVE and 

it didn't LOOK 

LIKE an

INSTRUMENT 

it was

NESTLING 

into my

CREVICES 

it was trying to 

CALIBRATE 

to ME

SYMBIOTIC 

SOMEHOW 

& MAYBE 

it's because I've been trying to 

FIND a charango 

that I think is

INSTRUMENT grade

& in good condition 

& NOT TOO 

EXPENSIVE 

& I THOUGHT 

I had found one

BUT 

then I realized that the back was 

FLAT*

*it was made by a luthier whose guitars sound great on YouTube, but can't find any examples of charango sound, so really it is probably a hybrid thing which might be fine, but I'd like to hear an example 

AND

THAT 

made me realize that the one I WANT 

FEELS right

I can't see the BACK of it

in the ONE picture 

which

it's probably 

NOT really TOO expensive 

BUT 

it's A LOT 

to

it's three TIMES as much

SO

INSTRUMENT 

in HEAD

before 

BED

BUT 

it felt like

MORE 

than THAT 

it felt 

IMPORTANT 

I had a headache 

& I lay down 

& fell

ASLEEP 

I'm exhausted 

MAYBE 

I really wanted to 

TALK about 

my brother 

AND

the PART 

that HITS 

DAD

TALKED about me

apparently 

LIKE 

I was GREAT 

BUT 

TREATED me 

NOT so MUCH 

I will NEVER understand 

THAT

although I've 

SEEN it other TIMES 

& the fact that jason

RESENTS me

makes some kinda sense now

BUT 

I MEAN 

F*CK

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶🫶🫶 

I think I'm going back to 

SLEEP 

I don't WANT to 

PUZZLE this OUT 

F*CK

I WISH that

I am having psychological and emotional problems and I'm not doing 

very well

& I'm not responding to you 

because you are 

TRIGGERING ME 

I WISH 

THAT MEANT 

SOMETHING 

I THINK I'm doing 

SO MUCH 

BETTER 

BUT 

I just wish

I LOVE you 

I HOPE 

GOOD stuff 

for YOU today 

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

I KEEP getting 

the MAGICIAN 

WHICH 

is one of your cards

BUT 

I'm getting it

REPEATEDLY

 

SO

I KINDA assume you are

WORKING 

MAGIC 

then just NOW I got the MAGICIAN 

& a BUNCH of

FIVES

& I'm not sure what THAT means 

I associate FIVE as

YOUR number

& I usually 

SEE it

PAIRED with SEVEN 

BUT 

this was just

five, five, five, five, five, five, five

are you writing something 

SUPER personal

I'm just

CURIOUS 

WELL 

no therapy today 

I texted him yesterday 

slightly before 

SIX pm

to ASK if we were

STILL on for

TODAY 

BUT 

he doesn't 

REMEMBER that 

OR

it SEEMS like he doesn't 

I'm a little worried about him

& so is the security guard 

I personally 

WONDER 

he MIGHT be on

PAIN meds

BUT 

he was taking 

STUFF 

that was making him

MUCH less SHARP 

BEFORE 

&

I WONDER if he's 

JUST still TAKING 

THAT

&

MAYBE 

it's 

interacting

my aunt joan ended up with

DRUG induced 

LUPUS 

that way

NOT 

TELLING 

all the doctors 

WHAT ELSE she was TAKING 

BUT 

it's not really appropriate for me to 

ASK

I shoulda

BEEN sleep

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

I haven't talked to 

HEALER 

BUT 

I read his DMs

it's MORE disturbed 

that DUDE talked about you

EVERY DAY

MY WHOLE LIFE 

everything I

DID

was MEASURED against 

YOU

YOU don't KNOW 

HOW 

IMPORTANT 

our ethical talks

WERE to me

YOU 

made me feel HEARD 

I don't REMEMBER 

ETHICAL talks 

DID we?

I REMEMBER 

a FEW TIMES 

dad MADE him CALL me 

there was this ONE time -- maybe THIS is ethical 

he had a teacher 

who was an 

IDIOT 

& he was KINDA 

losing his sh*t 

OVER it

he was SUPPOSED to do a 

BOOK REPORT 

he created a book

ABOUT 

DOPPELGANGERS

he WROTE a 

REPORT 

ON

the created book

invented the references

WELL 

I MEAN 

you didn't DO a BOOK REPORT 

MAYBE you ALREADY KNOW 

HOW to do a book report 

you made ART 

BUT 

SHE SHOULD have 

CAUGHT it

THAT 

PROVES she's an

IDIOT 

well, maybe 

WHY 

do you NEED to 

PROVE 

she's an idiot 

you KNOW she's an idiot 

BUT 

she's ALSO 

NOT looking for 

book report on book that doesn't exist 

SHE'S looking for 

ERRORS

people are gonna be idiots sometimes 

you tell 'em they're idiots

you give 'em reasons 

they put it on

YOUR PERMANENT RECORD

THAT

makes EVERYONE from then on

NOT give you a FAIR 

ASSESSMENT 

SO

ya WANT to 

PICK your

BATTLES with THAT 

there's NO chance

IF

she CATCHES 

FAKE BOOK

there's NO WAY she

GETS 

I'm an IDIOT 

SHE'S 

NEVER gonna get THAT 

YOU DID 

MAKE

ART

& the DOPPELGANGERS thing

is cool and it SEEMS like 

you got AWAY with it

BUT 

I THINK 

JUST 

MAYBE 

DON'T, ya KNOW 

I ordered a 

didgeridoo 

I have always loved the sound

BUT 

I MEAN 

I never thought it was

REALISTIC 

BUT 

I found this little 

BOX

it's got the tubes inside 

made in the Netherlands 

NOT that EXPENSIVE 

I'm GOOD at that raspberry motor boat thing

I thought I could combine

MEDITATION 

learning circular breathing

& LEARNING an

INSTRUMENT

which seems to be considered 

a cultural appropriation

& WHATNOT 

BUT 

it's a 

BOX

EVEN 

if I played it 

in public 

WHO

is gonna 

CRY 

DIDGERIDOO