I probably have not
presented a very coherent
PICTURE
I was feeling some way
I couldn't describe
I was trying to explain
to my therapist
I've understood since I was a kid
there is a certain amount
of what you get
that is based on the vibe
you put out
my Aunt Edith
she was LIKE
the editor of the newspaper & the year book
at UH and she won awards & sh*t
BUT she couldn't
deal with people ultimately
AND
she would talk about it
& my gran gran and aunt joan too
& I could see
SHE was paranoid
she thought people thought
she was weird and fat and whatever
she came at them with THAT
& they gave it right back
self fulfilling prophesy
THAT was a BIG lesson for me
BUT
I now think there's some way
in which I'm still doing
SOMETHING
similar
I NEED to be coming at THINGS
in a way that
I couldn't quite articulate it to him
I don't think he gets a lot of what I'm trying to say
in a way that makes what I want
POSSIBLE
it's NOT that I can't get along
it's NOT that I care generally what people think
it's SOMETHING
that I DON'T SEE I think
& I'm freaked out
that I might not be able to see
MYSELF clearly
(continuing)
