I love you

goodnight

I love you

goodnight

I love you

goodnight

I love you

I'm going to bed

it's very cold here

I wish the weather would just

stay something for a little while

just like two days ago

I had to turn on the air conditioner

and I still couldn't get comfortable

today

I've had to have the heater

and it's 38 degrees

weather-coaster

jeez

goodnight

I love you

I'm going to sleep now

I'm super tired

goodnight

Ignore the psychic voice in your head

at your own peril

Okay if you start seeing a bunch of stock things

Mike informational stock things

On any of my timelines

Or whatever

Don't freak out about that

The the whatever it is that told me everything was going to be fine when I was locking down back in 2020

It just gave me a project

And it involves knowing a lot more

A whole lot more than I currently know about stocks and specifically growth stocks

So don't freak out I haven't suddenly become rich with tons and tons of money to invest in things that didn't happen

So I guess what I'm saying is

You can safely ignore all of that stuff

Because it's just like self-training

It's not any kind of

Message or whatever

goodnight

I love you

I love you

goodnight

goodnight

I love you

I love you

goodnight

i love you

i don't understand

and

i am very angry

i'm going to bed

I fell asleep in the chair

I need to go to bed now

I love you very much sweetheart 💋

Goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much💋

I fell asleep in the chair

I'm listening to great courses lecture series on ancient Mesopotamia

Goodnight 💋 sweetheart 💋

I went to the studio today

I drove myself

Yesterday I went to the HEB

And the day before that I went to 99 ranch

So that's maybe the first time I left the house three times in a row

Or 3 days in a row rather

And it's for sure the first time that I've gone

Like out into public 3 days in a row although the studio is less public there aren't a lot of people there

99 ranch it did not take very long before I started feeling like I might pass out

But it was interesting I was looking for that topping I can't remember what it's called lol gan ma

That's probably not right That's just what's coming of mine right now but the jar that I ordered on Amazon it was supposed to be like restaurant-sized like super-sized and when I thought it was really spicy I thought oh well you know that's like a year supply for sure but then once I got it and I realized it wasn't really that spicy and it was delicious I'm like oh this is only like you know maybe six servings so that's not going to go very far so when I was at 99 ranch I wanted to be sure and see how much it was there

On Amazon it was $18.99 and that seemed very expensive to me but I was like well you know but for your supply whatever do you know how much that is at 99 ranch it's $6.99

Same thing

I got some miso but I haven't tasted it yet I think it's a kind I got before but they seem to have really cut back on their meso supplies they had like a ton of them and now they've got like I mean they've still probably got like 12

I got another can of toasted sesame seed oil I got a different flavor of that chili sauce this stuff is supposed to be hotter and it's more like chili flake it's got chili and peanuts and mushrooms and it's supposed to be really good it's a much smaller jar and it's like $2.99 but hopefully that one will be hot and so it'll go further got some baby bok choy

I got some of that it's not tofu skin it's tofu that's made in a very thin sheet that you chop up and put into soup or whatever That's what I'm going to use it for soup I'm going to use it in lieu of udon noodles which I didn't get

I feel like I'm forgetting something

Anyway I'm pretty tired

I think I'm going to go to sleep

I hope you had a good day sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

Good morning sweetheart 💋

Goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋💋💋

🧿🧿

Goodnight sweetheart

I love you very much 💋

💋

goodnight sweetheart

i love you

very much

the continuing saga

So I got up at a little bit before 2:00 and I laid in the bed until 2:00 or I guess I laid in the bed until 5:00 after 2:00 to make sure I was awake so I'm awake and there's a way in which this definitely feels more right but it just still feels very exhausted

I don't understand how I can have 12 hours of sleep on top of 12 hours of sleep on top of 12 hours of sleep and still be exhausted that just doesn't seem like it ought to be possible

I managed to grind the coffee correctly

So there was no big ordeal I mean I know how to do it I just don't that makes sense

It's just not strong enough

It's worth putting up with all the b******* to get the stronger coffee

I've had this model coffee maker for a while but they changed it like this is technically the third one and the first two were great they had a strong feature

Just made the water drip slower and so it extracted more from the coffee and it came out good but then it broke during the pandemic and I ordered a replacement which I thought was going to be exactly the same as the previous two models but this one doesn't have the strong feature and it just is not the same

that was not successful

I woke up a couple minutes ago because I had to pee

Phone was in the bed sheets

Clearly I just picked it up

Turned it off

And continued to sleep

And I don't feel rested and ready to go back at it

I feel exhausted and ready to go back to bed

I had dreams

But I can't quite remember them

gonna try a little nap

fingers crossed 🍀

morning🐓

All right I woke up at 4:00

Or I guess really 355

Kylie in the bed for about 25 minutes 30 minutes seeing if I would go back to sleep and I did not so I got up

And I have made coffee

And that's really all I've done

I peed

I encourage the cat to eat out of his already pretty full bowl

And I made coffee

However it grounded a little too fine because I actually like my coffee strong and the coffee machine that I have doesn't really accommodate that

So if you grind it just a little too far and it all backs up and makes a huge mess so have actually taken it all out and strained it and cleaned the counter and I cleaned the carafe and put it all back in and brewed the rest of the coffee

Also since I anticipated having to do that and since I wanted to get coffee as soon as it was available I stood in the kitchen while the coffee was brewing so I didn't exactly multitask

It's not like I hop out of bed and become instantly productive I'm not a morning person

It's perhaps a little bit better when I get up in the middle of the night

But not really much better

Also I missed 3:00 in the morning

Which I think is movie the best time of the morning

Although maybe more if you've been up like maybe that 10 to 3 stretch is the best

Anyway I hope whenever you breed this that you're having a good day

I love you very much sweetheart 💋💋

🌈🏵️🌺🍥🍭

Okay I stayed up all day

I've had a headache all day

I'm really tired now

I'm going to go to sleep

My plan is to get up around 6:00 or 6:30 I think

I don't know whether that is what I should do or whether I should try to get up at 4:00 again

If there's a way in which if when I get up still dark then there's something more right about that somehow

But then I can't go to sleep in the earlier than 10:00 or so

And then if I get up at 4:00 then I start getting into shorter and shorter sleep so I don't know

I had two bouts of 12 hours of sleeping with only a few hours in between

So I should be far ahead on sleeping but I don't feel like I am at all

So I am uncertain what is the best thing to do

But I am definitely going to sleep now

I love you very much sweetheart 💋💋💋💋💋

When I woke up at 3:37

I've just been lying in the bed

But I didn't fall back asleep

I feel like I could though

My head still hurts

My back hurts now

That's probably from being in bed that long though

I'm congested

I don't really feel like getting up

I got out want to expend the energy to walk around or sit upright

But I don't really want to lay back down either cuz that isn't comfortable either

I find all the attitude very frustrating

I guess I fell instantly back to sleep

I woke up now to pee

Head hurts even worse

going back to sleep

4am would be a great time to get up

I don't really want to get an alarm for that

in case I sleep through it

because

if the neighbors might be disturbed

I'd feel bad

and

I don't need to get up then

but

we'll see

97.2

Goodnight sweetheart

I love you

very much 💋

So today I plan to get up at about 10:00

But she said last night we weren't going today

I was going to get about 10 anyway

But then I woke up at like 8:30 to pee and I felt pretty awake so I just got up

I did some stuff

I ate some oatmeal

My head hurt

And by 4:00 I was super exhausted

So I said I will just go and lay down for like you know an hour or so

And I set my alarm for 5:30 just in case I didn't get up

Well now I slept through that alarm

I slept for 4 hours

So now the question is whether to go back to sleep and get up when I get up

If that's an option which I'm not sure

Or get up and which case then I'm back to the

Up all night thing

I love you very much sweetheart

💋💋💋💋💋

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

I almost forgot to tell you what I dreamed

I worked I'm not really sure where it was

I think it was a coffee shop

But I wasn't currently really working there much because I had hurt my back

And a guy who was kind of like somebody I used to work with but not entirely he was like very overworked and his uncle had just died

Nobody seemed to understand that this guy's uncle was like the family member he was the closest to so even though it was like not his parents or his grandparents this was like his most important life person

And he had not been able to get off work for the funeral I think or something or no he maybe hadn't been able to get off work to go see him when he was sick and then he died suddenly or something so he was pretty broken up about it and I was like volunteering to work for him so he could get off

And there was some question about whether they were going to let me do that because of my back was hurt and I was maybe not Good enough to fill in for him

And then there were two other pieces that were all kind of going on simultaneously there was some sort of selling that was going on on Westheimer like whether Westheimer art festival used to be or something and this guy who was also kind of based on the same person but in the dream was a different person so this guy was like two different people somehow

He was getting into the car that I was in

And why I was in a car at this place when I wasn't working in my back was hurt I really don't know

But he kept getting into a car that I was in to do math on the roof of the car to figure out how much people owed or something and I'm like there's a calculator right here do you want to use this calculator because I mean he was writing on the the ceiling of the car and it was not fast and it was just weird

And somehow I knew that Jennifer was getting very frustrated with him she was in the dream I knew she was in the dream but I didn't ever see her

And I didn't really blame her for getting frustrated with him because what the hell I mean you can't just like run off and go sit in a car and do long division on the ceiling

And then I went to this location and it was a coffee shop so whatever it was I was working at this particular location was a coffee shop

Not anything that I really recognize from real life though

And this girl who kind of reminded me of across between several different people that I worked with I guess and maybe somebody from TV as well

She was asking me a bunch of questions about my manager who in this dream was based off someone who was never my manager but was someone I worked with and I'm like

Kam is a deeply loving and caring person

About the kind of people that she's deeply loving and caring about

It was all just this very circuitous not really saying anything but still not really making it sound like I liked her very much

Which I don't know why Kam was in it

I didn't really know her that well and I didn't really have that much of an opinion about her

She was someone who had managed a store before I managed it

And I had some kind of unpleasant repercussions based upon what she had told the employees about me when she didn't know me or maybe she hadn't told them anything maybe they just made their own conclusions I don't know

But the district manager had always been holding her up as you know look how great she's doing look how great she's doing she'd been moved to a more higher volume store but when we would do p&l reviews I was always like how she making that much profit that just does not seem right how are costs so low

And the DM was all like oh well she's just fabulous you need to be more like her and I was a new manager at that point so I mean I've been an assistant manager for a little while but I was a new manager and so I thought well you know maybe I'm just wrong about this but it just doesn't seem her numbers just don't seem like they are possible to be achieved but whatever what do I know

But then it turned out that the way she was achieving those numbers was she was kind of like backing out her coffee

Cuz the order and receiving at that point you could put in the computer they were always sending the wrong thing and so you could alter in the computer and say well it said they sent this but they didn't send this

And I guess the assumption was that nobody ever checked those but that was not the case

So apparently she was just like saying oh yeah I didn't get any espresso so she didn't have any cost for any of her espresso drinks which was predominantly what we made

And so she subsequently wasn't working there anymore My assumption is that she was fired but I don't actually know that

But I was always like yeah I didn't think that was possible but of course the district manager who didn't like me for some reason never came back and said hey you know you write about that because kam had been her favorite manager

And I was maybe her least favorite manager

So I don't know why in this dream this person was my manager

But the girl who was asking me questions about her she was based on several people that I didn't like particularly from that last place I worked and like I said maybe somebody from TV

And so I was telling her this stuff

That made it sound pretty much like I didn't like my manager and I was thinking as I was saying it this might not be too smart

You should maybe be doing a better job of lying

But I was just kind of thinking well you know nothing I'm saying it's bad so if she quotes me or anything it's fine and I'm like yeah but you know that's not the way this works right

So then after we got done with the little interview thing whatever that was about we were going to go getting her car and for some reason I got in her car before she got in her car she had to do something last minute I don't know what but anyway so we got in her car

Which was a cute little yellow car like maybe the size of those Fiats or mini coopers little little car

And it was yellow I don't know why that's important but it was yellow

So it got in the car and I like turned the key in the ignition and the car just started going

Which I don't know why I turned the key in the ignition but I did not expect to start going

So I had to like I was in the passenger seat but I had to like somehow get control of the car and get it to stop and repark it

So when she came out and got in the car and the car was in a different spot obviously

And so I explained to her that I had turned the key in the ignition the car it started going and I had to like get it under control and everything and she was like well you know that's not cool

I'm like well I'm sorry I got it under control I didn't hurt the car

And she's like oh it's a good thing you didn't hurt the car

But then there was some more after that and I don't really remember what it was

Something about apartments

And the way she had her apartment decorated

And pastries stocks and stocks of like pies and things

I don't really know

It was weird

It's still really really cold

And I have a headache

And I'm very congested

And I do not know what that was all about

But that part where I was driving the car and it was kind of trying to go around in circles in this little tiny parking lot I was kind of scary

 I thought I looked really good

but the photo accentuated all the red spots

including the weird new dry spots on my neck

still

I've been liking what I look like recently

and

I'm not sure

if I actually look better

or if I just might be like less depressed

or something

here's more of a night one for comparison

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

It's 31°

I have the heater on

The house has not caught on fire

I just have the heater on to about 60 and then I'm sitting here with a little space heater thing right by me

The cat loves heater fan

But I slept so long I mean I slept until like 5:30 at night so I slept more than 12 hours

At one point I think the cat was worried I might be dead or something

He just came up and kind of thumped me in the chest

And he was out of food

But he had a enough food for

Well not what he would consider to be enough food for a day

But enough food for a cat the size he should be for a day

So he wasn't happy but I don't think he was really starving or anything

And he's been ready to go back to sleep for a little while now

But I'm just not really tired yet

So I don't know how I'm going to get back on the days

I'm supposed to go back to the studio next week

I had this amazing dream

Some sort of transformational ceremony

A little girl

Her heart was changed out somehow with a supernatural being

Had something to do with Frida kahlo

And then it was shopping

Not directly after I don't remember exactly directly after there was this whole thing about she was supposed to save everybody somehow

But then later she went shopping in this little lake I don't know not lake like Bodega type shop and they were these soda bottles they were opaque and they were shaped like fruit but like not like a piece of fruit like a stock of fruit like a stack of lemons and a stack of grapes really bright colors they were really bright colors in the whole dream

And in the ceremony there was something to do with her skirt it was it had a trim on it that was like a pleated ruffle somehow and that was black and white and blue and it was changed somehow during the ceremony I don't know I remember exactly

And then there was an attempt by the powers that be or something to find out the secrets of this group of people

And they left like I don't know fried chicken or something

And they were trying to get answers but the people ate the food and they didn't give them the answers

But the things they said were somehow in like thought bubbles or cartoons it was kind of strange

I'm pretty sure in a previous dream there had been a darkened movie theater

Somehow secrets and messages and groups of people interacting and secret ways

And then there was this long conversation

And I think it was between us

But I was the little girl and you were somebody in the dream did it look like you at all but I knew it was you somehow

And we were talking about the magic

And there were these balloons that came down and like went right through the sand I didn't land on the sand they just went straight through

And we were saying that we felt like that was part of the magic and if we could be sure that that really had happened it would make us feel better

Cuz there were all these like dire issues in the dream it was like a quest to save things

So we ran and found where the balloons had gone through the down into the sand and there were like shadows in the spots that were like kind of a hazy blue

That didn't kind of couldn't have come from anything real that would have been magic we figured

But there was a lot more that was a whole lot more

Whenever I have a dream that has that much use of color in it Alice figure it must mean something because mostly color doesn't factor in that much

Mostly your dreams are just sort of dreams but they aren't very specific about color or written things or whatever they mostly kind of gray and shadowy or maybe they're very very specific not shadowy but just don't have any sense of color because I guess dreams aren't exactly

Visual

I mean you have a sense of them and you see them but they're all happening in your head you're not really seeing them they're bits of pieces of perception and whatnot

it looked like this 

 it's 29 degrees

i have the heater on

though i'm not sure if that's safe or not

i keep falling asleep

i don't seem to be adjusting well to the return to dayside

i went to phoenica today

i bought a po boy to have for lunch

halal tuna sandwich

and as i'm eating

i'm like, wait, hold up

olives

there are olives on the tuna sandwich

and now

i think i'm gonna have to put olives in tuna

but not with raisins

i got a big jug of green olives

palestinian olives

with big slices of visible lemon and some type of peppers

which i've never had

but couldn't resist

my favorite olives are kalamata olives

and my second favorite

are like almost every type of green olive

i almost got this cool looking bottle of moroccan olive oil

but it wasn't evo and i couldn't see getting two bottles

but it was cool and maybe i'll get it next time

i got more carob molasses which is the only sweetner i've been using

since whenever the last time i went to phoenica

right before christmas i think

there were more people there than i would have liked

but not too many

i guess i'm going to go to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart

i love you

very much *kiss*

I fell asleep sitting in the chair

It's really cold and windy outside

I drove the car again today

I think it's supposed to get down to like 27 tonight or something or maybe that's tomorrow night but it's already very cold outside

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

chapter 2

dear KOVSK

gotta

get back/drive my car

prep for

power grid/wardrobe malfunctions

coffee/shower

love SIAN

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋

chapter 1

dear KOVSK

train/gin fizz/journeyology

windows/zombies/inner monologue

poisonous blooms/surface of the moon

black $ox

insurectionQ

fairy tale abstraction

love SIAN

Goodnight sweetheart I love you very much 💋