ok
on computer not phone
much easier
i can't find my notes on life in the time of grackles
it was last year
and it was just a sketch, anyway
but
it's meant to be about now
this time
the world as it is under the current bizarre political situation
but
i was writing it, sort of
and it struck me as a good idea

it's not meant to reflect on you or us or any of that

i just want to be clear
about that

i love you very much
and we have things we need to talk about
but
apparently only i need to talk about them
i got it

i'd like for my mother to be right about something
and what i want her to be right about
is that i can write literary fiction

this shit is happening all around
surely i can do something with it, right

support me in this, ok
please don't make me worry that you're going to take it
as some symbolic negative thing about you

maybe you aren't
maybe i'm totally projecting that idk
but
i have trouble writing long things
and
i think this is a novel
i really do

i just got really excited about it
and then
you had your party when i couldn't come
and it just sucked the will to write it out of me
and then
stuff happened
and i forgot about it

but all this stuff i'm reading on twitter
it's brought it back up


i have a lot of feels about you and me and history and future
and
i don't think it's good for me to talk about them
maybe you want me to
or maybe you don't idk

i want to try this
and
i haven't really got a clue how to do it
i don't think it's gonna write itself
so
what i thought i'd do
is just kinda write whatever comes up
try to do something each day
and see if a pattern shakes out

that first bit seemed like the beginning
that would interest me to read more if i was standing in a bookstore holding the book
but
this shit is going on now
the grackles are symbolic
but
they're kinda a mixed metaphor, ya know
which may not work
or it might be brilliant
do you see where i'm coming from??!!

it's not a symbol for you or me or us
i'm just not trying to make problems there, ok

you are a beautiful man
i love you
let's just stop there

this is a new game i wanna play
where rather than obsessing about you
i write something for you to read
but
instead of it being all about you or all about me
it's something else
a puzzle
a mysterious attempt
to make something
i can't do it without you
you wanna try being my muse for a while?