i'm not ignoring you
i had a weird day
i don't have a lot of coherent artistic thoughts
i'm just cycling through
internet stuffs
i bought two multiple hundred dollars worth of jackets
for $35
they look to be in good shape
they should work ok
if i need to go on a job interview
which i infatically
do not want to do
but
it just seems
like such a waste

but
anyway
they are brands i've been wanting for a while
but can't afford
even at that neiman's last call or whatever it's called

i had tortellini for dinner
that anna came and gave me
me and my husband are going to europe for a month
probably to visit family
they're from there
can you watch for the boy

she's talking about strahenya (sp?)
what am i watching for
i ask
deeply confused
i rarely ever see her son
she looks slightly frantic

just to make sure he's ok?
yes yes she says with a big smile
ok, i say, i'll do my best

but
i still never see him
and i'm not sure what i should do
should i be knocking on the door?
or does she mean
just help him out if he comes over with a problem?

he's gone a lot
maybe he's in college
i'm not sure
he does some modeling
he works at the restaurant in the center down the street

the dog cries when he's not at home
so
i guess if the dog isn't crying too much
or like he's hurt or starving
the kid's probably ok too, right

she gave me the tortellini
because he doesn't cook
although i wouldn't really consider that cooking


the helper
from the wine distributor delivery
he wished me happy mother's day
i know people mean well
but
it hurts me
just because i'm old enough to have kids
doesn't mean i have kids
so when people wish me happy mother's day
it just makes me really really sad
and slightly angry
and i don't know how to respond, generally
but
today
i surprised myself

he said happy mother's day
and i was all like
yeah, really, well you too

and then i felt a little bad
i have the cat
but i didn't raise him from a kitten
i think i'm more like
hey lady
than mommy
although he's been pretty sweet to me lately

i'm just out of sorts
and i don't really have anything good to say
and
my head hurts really bad


oh, yeah
and the teri miyahira box emailed me
they are changing their makeup box
to a lifestyle box

i've been going back and forth about whether to cancel
for like a year
but
i love her formulas
the makeup is really nice
and
it's all natural and doesn't irritate my eyes or skin
but
she is like obcessed with contouring
and i haven't got any interest in that
so, limits, ya know
but
i keep not cancelling
and then today they sent the email
and she links a video
showing all the "great" stuff
and
i mean
i'd almost pay to have them not send that crap
so
when they said if you don't email us
then we will just go right on sending the new boxes
i emailed right back
please cancel
i'm not interested in the lifestyle box.
so
that's good
because i don't need to be spending that money anyway
plus
the new box
is like twice as expensive