not tonight, josephine

Venus in winter
chimes in summer
and spring
and
hell, maybe fall too
falling through time
through dreams
delusion
I don't want
another sobbing band aid scene
for my 50th
I want better than that
I want
a god damned adventure
for a life
not
just some little jaunt
I live in a cage
and
I mighta painted myself into this corner
but
you did help
so
if you can't help me get outta it
at least
understand
that you might not
be
the most important thing
I have to worry about


although
I did want you to be


remember
when I told you
you were the love of my life
just wanted to say it aloud
remember that


but
you
would let me get
ten years
into a relationship (?)
and still
not be able to say
one thing real


walking down the street
laughing


what would you do
anything


do you understand
this


not saying it
is driving me mad
wtf
really
how can you look at me
without actually looking at me
origami creature
I'm supposed
to
what